At The Edge Of The Year

On winter days just after the holiday season has come to a close I find myself

alone, braless with bare feet,

invitations to brunch turned down, relationships ended.

My shea butter coated arms elbow deep in scalding hot water as coffee brews in the background.

I stand over the sink, scrubbing my breakfast dishes, the window cracked just slightly billowing in gusts of frigid air,

I smile, and I think to myself; there she is; that woman you thought you'd left behind.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxo

Autumn

Autumn has always felt like the end of the year to me, much more so than January 1st. The cool air brushes against your skin jolting you awake from a long warm daydream, sweeping away the summer's heat from your memory; forcing you to focus on the here and now. It's a new beginning.

Last autumn, I was picking up the pieces of my dignity, and scraping together my self esteem.  (In my work life anyway. I wouldn't call it my career.) I left a job that seemed to be crushing my sprint, for another that would help me pass the time. 365 days seems like a life time ago now. It's my 3rd fall with Daddy gone, and my 6th without Mama. Sometimes on random days as I walk down cracked New York sidewalks, phone in one hand and coffee in the other, I choke on my tears, the wound is still raw, bloody even; the band-aid I slap over it just seems to last for longer stretches. Time is for coping I suppose.

This past spring, I discovered what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm doing it full steam ahead, passionately and joyfully. And yet, as I close my eyes most evenings, asleep sometimes before I can even burrow under the cocoon of my covers, I have doubts. So many fears and questions. My skin is too thin, I crack too easily. I haven't yet found the courage to read the comments under my work. A misspelled word or a strongly worded opinion feels like being taunted on the playground again. I tell myself constantly that I'm not the best. My words don't flow as eloquently as hers and my grammar certainly isn't on point like his. But I'm doing and showing and proving. I'm writing and that's what matters. (Or maybe I call my little sister up for the billionth time in a week and she tells me this.)

If the leaves slipping from the trees marks the beginning of things,  then it's been an interesting year. I've grown... I think. But this year, I've watched people I love and adore lose so much. Too much. Being on the other side of grief is crippling. You understand, but really how could u? What you've gone thru isn't the same. I've awkwardly offered my condolence and my support but it's never enough, just the bitter choking helplessness of watching others suffer.

I've loved wholly and fully, diving in headfirst into new adventures. I've wrapped myself completely in another person and I've felt calm. That same peacefulness that you find in a sunset in late spring over the water. But then, the uncertainly crept in the, doubts and fears and the desire to run. To seek out something... I'm not sure what yet. I'm still trying to figure that out.

On Saturday I went for a walk. As the light rain sprinkled on my face, it occurred to me that in the last few months, I've spent a great deal of time with others. I'm used to being alone. I've always enjoyed my own company, the time spent thinking and pondering, listening to music. People are fantastic, but I often find my thoughts clouded when I'm surrounded by them, or even by one.

Autumn is fascinating, this nearly perfect season of second chances... It forces you to find yourself again.

xoxox Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxox

Image: Giphy

I Stepped On A Squished Rat & Other Horrific Tales

Before I get into what occurred around 6:30PM ET this past Wednesday evening I'll just provide you with a bit of background. I've lived in  NYC for about seven years now, (3 years continuously and 4 years during undergrad) I've gotten used to the things that make the city unique. Everything from the putrid smells of summer to the copious amounts of rats that come scurrying out at you on late evenings. Yes, I've gotten used to it all; but that doesn't mean that I think it's acceptable. During my tenure here I've made some wonderful memories and bonded with some beautiful people.  However, the city has also kicked the shit out of me; it can truly be an unforgiving bastard when it wants to be. I've watched the sunrise from penthouse rooftops and I've seen body bags (with bodies in them) on the sidewalks. There really isn't any in between here, although once I thought I had bed bugs and it turned out to be a false alarm so I suppose sometimes things aren't always as bad as they may seem. Anyway, I'm rambling so let's get into the incident of the squished rat and other horrific tales. I've seen some truly monstrous things, please do not proceed if you have a weak stomach.

The Tale of the Squished Rat

Midtown is trash. NYC has a population of 8 million people and normally that doesn't bother me unless I'm in Midtown. Unlike the wasteland that is Times Square, midtown can't be avoided. My last office job was in midtown. Every day I would get on the overstuffed subway and commute 20 minutes with a bajillion people. Getting above ground wasn't much better. Once you finally make it to street level you have to contend with tourists, people who don't walk in straight lines, cyclists and a million other aggravations. I haven't had to commute in over a month (PRAISE GOD), so I'm not used to dealing with rush hour anymore. However, this past Wednesday there was a work mixer at my new job that I decided to attend. As the train pulled into the station I tucked my Kindle into my purse and made my way down the long corridors of the Herald's Square train station.  Finally above ground, I was nearly knocked down by a rather rude woman who I assume thought I was invisible considering the force at which she ran into me. Brushing of her attitude, I patiently waited for the light to turn green so that I could walk across the street. I watched the light change and my sandal covered foot left the curb.  As I stepped down into the street, my foot seeped into something, squishy. Gross, I thought to myself, clearly someone dropped something mushy in the street, it's just my luck to have stepped in it. I turned my head to see what the offending substance was when I saw it. My beauteous bejeweled sandal had just come into contact with a flatten rat. I saw the tail and the intestines just sitting there in the middle of the road. I felt my stomach began to bubble as vomit rolled up into my throat. I took a deep breath, and calmly walked to the nearest Starbeezy's where I asked for a cup of boiling water and proceeded to scrub my shoe and foot in their filthy restroom. Basically I should have stayed my ass in Harlem.

The Starbucks Pervert

Speaking of Starbucks, I'm sure I've given them way too much coin in the past decade or so. On one particular day my sophomore year of college, I was waiting for a friend in the Union Square Starbucks. I ordered my drink and beverage and took  seat at a empty cafe table. I noticed a disheveled looking man seated at a table not too far from me, but NYC is full of disheveled looking people so I didn't let it pull me away from phone. (This is before Instagram and before I had an iPhone so I have no idea what I could have possibly been looking at.) After awhile, I got the feeling that someone was looking at me so I looked up again at the man. That was my first mistake. While customers had been coming in and out of the coffee shop, this man had been masturbating. I looked up to see his rusty peen in his hand under the table. Needless to say, I abruptly left that Starbucks and my drink behind and I've never returned to that location. Not in almost six black ass years.

The Rotting Foot

A month or so ago, my lady friend and I ventured into Victoria's Secret to procure some lady undergarments on the Upper West Side. As we approached the store we noticed a homeless gentleman laying down outside of he store. Suddenly the foulest stench known to man permeated the air. I immediately began gagging and my friend frantically ran to the door to try and escape it. As we approached the store entrance I looked back (I don't know why I always look back smh clearly I'm a masochist)  to see the man peel of his sock. If its even possible, the stench grew even more vile. The man revealed a rotting blacking nub that used to be a working foot. It was awful. As we stepped inside the store the security guard was frantically running back and forth spraying perfumes  as the stench wafted in. Needless to say it put a damper on our shopping excersion. (I did get some pretty panties though.)

I have seen quite a bit during my tenure as a New Yorker. Somethings I won't write down here because I'd rather not recall them.  As long as don't encounter anymore squished rats or rotten feet I think I might be OK.

xoxox Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxo

The Misadventures of An Awkward Black Girl

So this post is about a day late and a dollar short. However, I just have to write a review about this. Last summer my good friend told me to watch The Misadventures of An Awkward Black Girl on Youtube. When I began watching it there were only about five episodes and though they were funny, I sort of forgot about it for a minute. So a few weeks ago, the season finale was posted on Youtube and my girlfriend was like hey, have you watched this yet. So this weekend I finished watching the season and let me just say I screamed with laughter. The show is like The Office, through a Black girls perspective and all of the strange and terrible things that happen  to her on a day to day basis. Some of the best parts of the series are the hilarious raps and the constant references to Black film. The main character J raps, "niggas love me, I'm on my Kim K." LMAO. Her boyfriend dumps her because she cuts off all of her hair and tells her that he feels gay. (SMH)  In the eight episode, the guy that she is interested in plays the guitar like Terrence Howard does in that scene from the Best Man. (YES JESUS)

 Oh baby wipes how u make me laugh, and yet this is still sexy:)

Basically this is  a must watch in you free time. All of the episode can be found on Youtube. Basically its just very awkward and very dope.

Awkward, Strange and Embarrassing Things That Have Happened To This Chocolate Girl

Awkward Now

Awkward Then

So I've been on this health kick lately, working out eating better etc. (Well I guess more like one week). The bestie and I decided that there was no reason for Kelly Rowland and Toni Braxton to look so much better than we do while being decades older than we are. So anywho,  the other day I went out and brought some One A Day Women vitamins, I ate some yogurt and had coffee for breakfast and then I hobbled out in the freezing New York air, to ship a package to my cousin. After standing in line for about five minutes I began to sweat profusely and immediately I knew that something was not right. The poor man behind the counter asked me if I was alright, and before I could answer I had beelined to the garbage and was vomiting in it. ( No I'm not preg, it was the vitamin). Embarrassed does not even begin to cover it. (On the bright-side it was a fro day and not a wig day because that would have just been foul). This ridiculous experience reminded me of some other tragically embarrassing things that seem to only happen to me.

Flyy, But I would still like to have my boobies

That Awkward Moment When I Decide I'm A Gym Rat : Sophomore year of college, I was actually going to the gym on a regular basis for a few months. I noticed that some of the more fit people would run backward on the treadmill. I have no idea why I thought my uncoordinated behind could do something like that SMH. Anyways, I decided it was a bright idea for me to run backwards as well. Obviously I fell on my ass and I have not been back to the gym since.

That Awkward Moment When My School Deletes My Financial Aid My Final Semester of College:  Since my school is expensive and I'm poor, I have financial aid like most people who attend college these days. Last February like for the past few Februaries I filled out my FASFA, however, for whatever reason my daddy did not file his 2010 taxes until this past November (yes November 2011) and therefore when I went on Friday to fill out some paperwork all of my financial aid had been deleted and I suddenly owed my school $30,000 more then I intended. SMH story of my life. (Luckily I conned the people into fixing the issue).

That Awkward Moment When I Think It's Wise To Online Date: At the beginning of last semester, I thought it was a good idea for me to online date. (This was one of the dumbest ideas I've ever had in this lifetime, but whatever at the time I thought it was ok). Anyway. I met this dude and we talked for like 3 weeks before we decided to meet up. .....yeah he stood me up ...TWICE. Luckily I soon came to my senses and deleted the profile.

Those Awkward Black Girl Moments: Anytime I had to take out my weave or braids when I had roommates my first two years of college and they would just come in and stare at me awkwardly under the pretense of having a conversation.

Those Really Awkward Moments: Last summer while at work, I got really sick.....yeah um lets just say I went commando for the rest of the day.

Those Awkward Black RA Moments: On more then one occasion, I've gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to yell at my residents for being very loud. After screaming, I realized that they are all looking at me strangely because I had on my large pink sleep hair bonnet and no bra :/

Or When you do Love and Basketball as a dorm program and only one of the five Black people in the whole building come and you two watch it together and eat up enough snacks for twenty people

Those Awkward Natural Hair Moments: Sometimes I walk down the street and see sistas with Natural hair that looks dry, brittle and crazy and I ponder to myself, does my hair look like that? You're hair should never look like a Brillo pad. Please seek Youtube for some advice on Natural Hair

EPIC!!!!!

Unfortunate, please get a comb, some coconut oil, something.

That Awkward Attraction To Chris Brown Moment: That moment when you realize you're attracted to Chris Brown despite the fact that he has bleached blonde hair and he's known to warm up wigs. SMH

He just looks good, idk y.

Anywhoo, these are just a few of the weird and tragic things that have happened to me in the past few years. There are many more that I shall carry with me to the grave, but I hope these made you laugh.

As my mama always said, when you know better, you do better

Mommy and Me

xxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxx Happy MLK Day :)

PS. Have you watched these ??!! If Not DO IT

The Return of The Saber Tooth Tiger

The woman is literally old as dirt

Like many young people who live away from home, I ventured back to the city I love for a little "Rest and Relaxation" and family time this Christmas break. I'd been so nuts this semester that I hadn't really stayed in touch with my family like I should have and I missed them. Now I don't know how your fam does it, but ever since I can remember we've always celebrated together as a big group on Christmas eve. (The 25th is a day strictly for your immediate family) Anywhoo, sister and I arrived over my auntie's house with a pan of my mama's prized dip and a cardboard box full of gifts (being the generous gals that we are). Going over to my aunts is a new tradition for us. When I was a petite babe, we use to squeeze into my Big Daddy's flat on the west side (Best memories ever) and then when he got older and eventually moved to Florida, the Christmas festivities were at my house. Right after Thanksgiving my mama would sprinkle her magic all over the house. We had THREE Christmas trees and we always had a bougie little Christmas party for all of our friends. (My childhood was pretty dope). Even throughout high school, I would look forward to the continuously ringing bell and the droves of family members in my house. But alas, we all grow up and this post is about Christmas 2011. So anywhoo, its a pretty chill xmas, my precious baby cousins are super enthusiastic about the traditional gift opening at midnight and all in all in  was a pretty chill evening, save a few tragic events of course.

All the xmas stuff in my house is Black, my mama even used brown magic marker on some stuff

So I don't know how I missed this I truly don't. I think I had still been walking around in a finals coma  and my exhaustion prevented me from connecting the dots.  The Saber Tooth Tiger had come to our Christmas eve festivities  ( Who is the Saber Tooth Tiger? ) Sister connected the dots for me this very evening at dinner. We were all sitting around on Christmas eve watching The Help. Suddenly there was a  terrible whiff of cigarette smoke in the house, (Now you know my auntie does not allow smoking in her house, mind you there are babies and a pregnant woman present). This old hag (who had been quite rude to me earlier when I fixed her a plate), went in my aunties bathroom and smoked a filthy cigarette.  I couldn't believe it,  how rude can you be?? I shouldn't be appalled this is the same 89 year old woman who put her lover (My uncle UW) out of her house because he'd taken to ironing too much. (No you did not misread this, she put the man out for excessive ironing). Like I said before, I had seen the old crow sitting at the card table and I had even spoken to her, I simply did not put two and two together.

This is mean....but I still thought it was funny

Other then that, my cousin drooped a baby, Iggy Boy acquired his own leather jacket which he refused to take for the duration of the evening  despite the fact that it was boiling and I yelled at my little cousin for claiming that her mother had come up with my mother's dip recipe. (It soon occurred to me that it was pointless to argue with an 8yr old)

The evening continued on in a less ridiculous manner, though some of my aunts did ridicule my hair and asked me how I was going to go to work looking so haggard. ( I suppose my poor feelings were a bit hurt as I've bought several new pairs of large earrings and am considering getting a custom wig made). Anyway, though family can sometimes be emotionally draining it was great to see them.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

My Fear Of Being Stuck

I love Chicago, its where I was born, where I was raised, this city had a profound impact on who I am as a woman and I'm always thrilled when my plane lands at the Midway airport and I get my first sniff of that Chicago air. My mama was born and raised her and she died here, there's so much history in this city for me. However, I think the profound thing about my mother and her life is that she was able to leave the city experience everywhere and everything in between. She lived in Cali for a huge portion of her life and she traveled everywhere. She use to tell me that when I was little, I was always tryna get away from here, always grabbing my coat to go with whomever was leaving the house, telling her, "I'll be back". And I guess I've always felt that way, I never wanted to be tied down here. Home  and family will always here when you return. Moving to NYC alone for school was one of the scariest things I've ever done but I wouldn't change it. I couldn't see living my entire life in the 773, there's way to much to experience in the world. I also think the best part of coming home is because you're nostalgic for what you haven't seen in a while.

I was thinking about this post because of a convo I was having with my bestie and because of a guy who was once extremely important to me.  I find more and more that people get caught up and their dreams get derailed for one reason or another, (they have kids, come home and never leave, let people with no ambition back into their lives, they just get stalled). I was always frightened of that because I know where I want to be in my life and I know what I want to do and what I want to see.  Being stuck here was never part of the plan, I never want to be stuck in a place doing the same old shit because I was comfortable. I know some people might think I'm being harsh but to me, being stuck in this small area would be a waste for me. Katt Williams said in one of his stand ups  that you should always be striving to do better and better, you shouldn't be on what you were on last year. I've always had this drive to do better for myself, to do better then my parents did and not waste the opportunities that I was given.

I think nowadays people get too caught up on what they're use to and that can be very dangerous. Even though home is where you're loved the most, it'll always be here when you're ready to return.

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

Cuz We Like To Party

Throwback Sophomore year of College SMH LMAO

So the other night me and the girlies ventured out to the House of Blues for a soiree:). Now usually I'm not really into the party/club scene (my favorite part of going out is usually putting my outfit and makeup together) but, since I'm getting older I've continually tried to step out of my comfort zone. (You gotta live, learn and grow peoples.) So we get there all looking flyy, smelling good etc and I must admit I'm a bit nervous about my hairs but I'm tryna psych myself out about it. So we get to the party, the venue is nice, the drinks are flowing an the people are pretty but,  unfortunately by the end of the night  I'd had a mediocre time. Now like I stated previously I'm not a big party person, I'm more of a bar, lounge, chill type of gal. At this party though I felt like I was in 7th grade.

It wasn't this bad, but I don't think anything could ever be this bad LMAO

Now at any party it takes a minute for it to get crackin' but it seems like this one didn't until right before we left at 2am. I was thrown off really bad because the dudes were standing around (looking right I might add) and just staring at females. So Ninjas can't ask women to dance now? A lot of ladies including myself and my girlies kicked it amongst ourselves, dancing, laughing and drinking while the dudes just looked dry as hell. Smh It was quite a lackluster evening,  we could've went to The Cheescake Factory for dinner and drinks for all that. So anywhoo, being loud like I am, I approached this dude that sat down near me and I asked him point blank. "Why don't dudes approach women anymore?" Dude was cool as hell, at first he gave me this BS answer like, "We'll Black women are just too strong and beautiful" (LOL he was clearly tryna butter us up especially, my bestie who he later proceeded to dance with for the remainder of the evening :)) But then he got really real, he was like honestly, dudes just gotta mature. So many females throw the coochie at you and you just take whatever, but as you mature you realize the benefits of having one women ( a classier women without a bustdown reputation). So essentially he told me, that dudes were gonna go for the women who looked open, because they were young and thats what they were looking for. (One poor trick literally had her vagina out smh,) And then he told me that I looked like I wasn't going at all. (I did appreciate that, I must admit). But he also said something interesting, that I've been hearing a lot lately. He said that I had to make it known that I was somehow interested in the dudes that were looking at me. Now I have been trying to be better about that lately.  However,  when I'm around dudes that I'm interested in I'm pretty shy which is strange because I am an EXTREME EXTROVERT , but I try to smile and look pleasant and not like I just stepped in dog shit.  ( I was also still a bit nervous about how my hair was being perceived though I thought I looked good). As I write this though I'm thinking that I'm kind of old fashion, I like the idea of men approaching women and honestly, I don't want a man who is too much of a pussy to do so and just proceeds to stare at me all evening without opening his mouth. But maybe thats just me :)

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

PS. I think that as women we need to stop being so harsh to dudes that do approach us that we want nothing to do with, they have feelings to. As the bestie and I were standing at the bar we watch a man buy this woman a drink and he asked her what she did (for a living). She told him "I can't tell you all that" and then ran off with the $10 drink that he'd just brought her.  Now I must admit I laughed and laughed but it was still harsh as hell and she shouldn't have done that.

My Impromptu Big Chop & Why I Still Lust After Weave

So last Friday, I headed over to Brooklyn to get my naps corrected. I hadn't seen my "real" hair in some time and I hadn't seen a relaxer since early May. My hair was about to my shoulder and my goal was to continue moving forward in my transition from relaxed to natural.  I have previously discussed why I decided to transition in Why I'm Going Natural & Its Trials and Tribulations

So anywhoo, I'm sitting in my hair stylist's chair with this partially natural partially relaxed mess on top of my head while she's trying to decide what the best course of action is to take. In the styling room next to me this woman is getting this elaborate lace front (now ya"ll know I love some weave but this was like ridiculous) and she was going on and on about how she's gonna get her breasts done and get lypo, and how when she exercises she wraps her body in saran wrap. Ummmm are u Fuc**** kidding me??!!!  Don't you have kids to take care of ?! I don't mean to be rude but you look like humpty dumpty, Bassica Washington, (The definition of Bassica) talking about you wear saran wrap on the treadmill?!!!.

Ms. Bassica "I don't need to sell sex to sell my music" Hilson  SMH

As you can assume I was too outdone and I told my stylist to chop that hot broken mess off of my head. Like I've said previously me and my hair have a sordid relationship, but as much as I love my long luscious weaves, I can't wear them for the rest of my life. And lord knows I need my edges I don't have Naomi Campbell money or prestige to go around thinking I'm still flyy with my edges all Mr. Clean bald. (I'm just saying).

She's still Flyy, but I can't go out like that

Don't get me wrong, I have a bag of weave in my drawer now that I paid a pretty penny for just waiting for my hair to grow out enough to put it on. For me personally, I just think its important to be able to look at myself in the mirror exactly how God made me and like what I see. I'm also excited about the fact that since the first time since I was about 17 my hair is totally healthy.

 Women like her keep me motivated :)

I think that people are just  misinformed about natural hair because there are women with natural hair (just like with any other kind of hair) who don't even bother to pick the lint out of their hair before they leave the house. SMH. I know I was deterred for a long time, you have to take care of your hair just like you take care of your body. Now I'm not gonna pretend that once my stylist cut it all off, I wasn't trying to figure out how I could live in the salon for a year until it grew back out. I was nervous as hell, like I said I hadn't intended on cutting it and I'm pretty feminine so I was unsure about how I would be perceived by others (Black Men in particular, look I'm just tryna keep it real).  But alas, I got myself together, threw on my faux fur and my mama's old sunglasses and trekked back to Manhattan. Of course I immediately rushed to the beauty supply and bought up about every natural thing I could put my hands on. (If you are newly natural please don't do that foolishness). Of course none of that mess worked for me and I'm right back with my Shea Moisture (the pink one for curls).  One thing I will say is that my hair is super easy and I feel very free. I would say that 6 out of 7 days I'm feeling the teenie weenie fro ( however, that one day out of the week, I'm plotting the quickest way to a wig/weave/braids, etc), but its a process and I'm working on it. I'm defiantly not one of the psycho natural women who preaches to other women, you have to do what works for you, and I never said that I would never relax my hair again either. I'm sure I'll be weaved up again by March. But the point is, I did this for me and only me.

How I LOVE it!!!!!

The response that I've received has been really great and I feel really blessed to have the friends and family members that I do. ( My boo told me that it was a 7 out of 10 lmao and he never lies to me.) I am also thankful to all those who chose not to say anything because they had nothing nice to say. I'm still trying to decipher the long stares I get from Black men on the street. Hopefully its because my flyness is radiating  toward them and not that they think I look like a bald Black chicken. But if that's what they think then smh, what can I do? Its not like they don't have the same kinky curly growing out the top of their heads.

xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox PS. On a more pathetic note I literally have no more excuses when it comes to exercise other then I'm just being a lazy cow.

The Most Stressful Semester of All Time

So I'm sitting here finally relaxing eating some chicken and rice from the halal cart around the corner (1,400 calories but that's a discussion for another day). I have one final left and I've just completed a rather long paper on Mad Men.

Obsessed, I cannot wait until it comes back :)

Exhaustion does not even begin to dictate how I'm feeling and as I'm sitting here I'm really trying to understand, how and the hell did I get through  this semester? I really don't know why it was so bad. I guess it was a combination of my RA job, my regular job, the internship of death and school. Ah yes on top of that I was applying to grad school at the same time.  Let me just say that being a real person is not cute and I've seriously reevaluated my life and decided that as of right now I have no desire to produce smh, especially not for non-scripted television. Its so hard to remain focused when you aren't passionate about what you are doing, especially when you want to shout at the people surrounding you that their "incompetence is unparalleled". So as excited as I was to begin this semster it was a shit show 80% of the time. However, the 20% of the time I spent laughing with my loves, or texting my bestie and my sister made up for everything. It even made up for the 8lbs I gained because I was so miserable I counted the minutes until I could escape from my internship to bolt to chipotle like they had the last burritos on earth.

Literally the best ish ever <3

( I only have three more lbs to loose :)) But alas here I am at the the tail end of this mess, I've gained back some semblence of sanity and chopped off all my hair (yeah me, rocking a teeny wennie afro)

and I guess all in all I wouldn't change the disaster that was the past fourteen weeks of my life. I'm back to exercising, back to eating like a normal human being, back to writing my blogs which I truly truly missed.  I have plenty that happened that I need to share so just stick with me and I'll tell you exactly like it is. In the meantime head over to www.blackgirlsareeasy.com, you'll scream with laughter. (Well I do at least).

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

My Love Affair With New York City

A city like New York, where everything's moving all the time at this constant driving place. Its like a live in organism, breathing and changing and over time your relationship to it becomes like this incredible romance. At first its intoxicating then instant and then slowly it becomes comfortable and safe. You have this cellular connection to it as if you've known each other forever like your oldest happiness. And sometimes you're on the outs and sometimes you're makings up and every now and then you catch yourself in this transcendent moment when you think to yourself..... Oh my God I'm madly in love with you.... and I always will be. -------(Dawson's Creek)

There's this episode of Sex and the City ("Anchors Away Season 5 Episode 1), Carrie is single again after her final disaster with Adien, she begins to look for the city for romance. She meets this beautiful sailor and he tells her he doesn't understand what she sees in the city. Though he's beautiful and sweet shes offended because New York has been there for her when no one else has.

I must say that I've been on the both sides of that issue. Growing up, I had this romanticized vision of what NYC was, I was drawn to it and once I got into college there I knew that's where  I had to be. Fresh faced and naive, I arrived in the fall of 2008 for my freshman year and my romanticized illusions were immediately popped. I can't blame the city entirely for this, I had personal circumstances to deal with and I had gone to NYC all alone, with no one but myself to lean on. I missed Chicago, so much i could hardly breathe at times. All through my first year of college, I felt that the city, my university and the people surrounding me were surely going to suffocate me. Not one to give up easily, I returned for a second year and because of my incredible roommate and becoming more involved, I slowly let the city in.

My true love affair, didn't begin until last year. My life, though still quite chaotic was slowly giving me a path to navigate through, I surrounded myself with incredible peole and I became intune with the city, slowly embracing what it had to offer. As I return for my final year, I reflect upon those days when I felt lost and sufficated and how I've come so far from that.

So Ninja's Are Sucking Toes In the Club Now ?

Bleech !!!!!!

(Ninja's are my replacement for the n word, courtesy of VerySmartBrothas, tryna still keep it ladylike :))

So the other night against my knowledge I was lured out to the hood clubs on the far South Side. I was initially horrified when I learned we were going to The Factory, smh.

It's a strip club 90% of the time and they have no liquor license SMH

(But as my bestie says I can't be bougie all of my life.)

Why can't I be bougie? Whitley was and she still found her Dwayne.

Anywhoo by the time we arrived I was excited (or the alcohol had excited me) only to have my bubble burst because there was a fifty dollar cover, yeah we definitely weren't paying that. Our plan B was to head over to Adrianna's where my beloved Rick Ross was suppose to be making an appearance. However, upon our arrival we learned that they had a forty-five dollar cover. (We promptly made a U-TURN). Plan C, we headed to Mr. Ricky's (yes I know, but it was an experience I shan't soon forget).

Despite the fact that the club was extremely female heavy (and pretty empty because of a shooting a few weeks ago) and there was a plethora of women tryna win $500 from Mr. Ricky himself by disgracing themselves on the pole, my besties and I still managed to get Mr. Ricky himself to buy us drinks. I think its mostly because our wardrobe hadn't come out of Rainbow, nor did we have on purple lace wigs.  After asking each of us our individual signs (SIDE EYE), he tried to convince us to get on the pole saying that we were bashful and that it was classy and  would attract men. I rolled my eyes at him, and told him, "It is not classy and I have a father."  Anywhoo, on the the toe sucking. (I shan't name any names). The besties and I were chillin at a booth, sipping on our drinks and feeling bad for the girl who literally fell off the pole when a quite drunken gentleman approached my very flyy and fabulous friend and asked if he might give her a foot massage, and did we want one also. Though the bestie and I declined, my fab friend obliged the man's wishes and he had her shoe off before he could even sit down good. The bestie and I sat together chatting and looking around, (You know doing the usual avert the eyes so not to cockblock) as my eyes shifted I suddenly realized that the man had my fab friends toes in his mouth and he was slipping off her other shoe to get to her other foot. The bestie and I realized with horror what we were witnessing. Coming to the realization that no sane ninjas were going to approach our booth with the freaky fool attached to my friends foot, the bestie and I jumped out of the booth and sat at the table directly behind it. The foot rubbing and toe sucking continued on for about fifteen more minutes, until we were given the signal to go and rescue my friend from the freaky fool. (During the toe sucking extravaganza a bouncer came past the booth and I guess he approved of what he saw because he didn't stop the fool). I'm writing about this hilarious adventure because it got me thinking that the thirst is real (as my cousin said). I'm not gonna say that men are the only ones out here thirsty and desperate, because well a woman astronaut drove across the country in a diaper for some man that didn't know she existed.  However, if you really want to meet a woman or even get in her pants, whatever happen to dinner and a movie, or even just drinks? Toe sucking from the get-go it just a bit much LMAO. Anyway it was a epic end to a Chicago summer, back to NYC in a few. xoxoxoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxo P.S. Why isn't the entire series of A Different World on DVD? annoyed.

Why It's Important to Have Standards When Dating

Why Vivica???? Why????

Let me begin this post by clarifying, I probably have no authority on this topic because men confuse me, this is just what I've noticed and how I really feel.

So the general public is telling women, Black women in particular that our standards are set too high and that if we continue to look for a "perfect" mate then we are destined to be alone. Honestly, I really don't know anybody looking for perfection, so in general that seems like a ridiculously inaccurate statement.  I know for instance that I'm not perfect, so to seek perfection would therefore be hypocritical. I'm just looking for someone to add his 50% to my 50% (romantical isn't it?).  Alas, while I do not seek perfection I do indeed have standards, but they are no higher then the standards that I set for myself as an individual. I'll admit that I've not always stuck to those standards, and usually in the beginning, the fellow and I get along swimmingly. However, because I've lowered my standards things usually implode resulting in foolery.com In the end I usually end up kicking myself for not sticking to my standards in the first place.

Some things simply generally disgust me. Well maybe disgust is a strong word. I'll just say that for whatever reasons these particular things that some men do turn me off to the maximum power and their is a 99.99% chance that  I wouldn't respond favorably to them if approached. However, to be fair to myself, I'm sure this is true of all members of the human race when it comes to their dating lives.  Some things that I generally can't wrap my mind around are men with nappy braids ( though I do have a slight fetish for dreads :)), those who wear thong toed sandals, men who wear wet wash clothes on their heads in the summer, smokers, men with long fingernails, and men with a general dirty look about them. (Whatever that may mean.)

I know its HOT but, come on.

However, I'm not a stigler for some other things that many women are a stigler for. Guys I talk to don't necessarily need to have a college degrees. Let me be real, the majority of the college educated dudes in my age group (especially  Black men who attend my university) are diva dudes who wouldn't know chivalry or how to treat a woman if it slapped them in the face. Its like they actually buy  into W.E.B Du Bois idea of the talented tenth, and they seem to be under the illusion that they are God's gift to Black Women. SMH. But anyway back to what I was saying, I honestly don't feel that college is for everyone. Some people have the intuition and networking skills  to do what they are passionate about without it.  However, in that same vain, I also know people (not just men) who completely lack ambition and I find that sad and pathetic. I personally know that I strive to do better and better with each coming year. I also know that I would never be content living paycheck to pay check or a dead end job. (Being comfortable in my opinion means having the means to get all the important stuff taken care of with room to party, shop, travel, etc.) Therefore, I would never be compatible in the long run with someone who was comfortable living that type of lifestyle. Being open does not mean completely throwing away all of your values.

You know what else it totally horrific? BAD KISSERS (Bleech). I dated a guy for a long time who was a bad kisser, silly me I thought it would get better.....yeah it definitely didn't.  Like Samantha said in Le Sex et Le Citie,  "if his tongue just lays there then what do you think his ... is gonna do?"

I say go ahead people lets set our standards and stick with them, it'll spare all of us a bunch of hurt feelings in the end.  If you don't date women who wear weaves, or men with kids, or Black women, or White men, or people who eat meat or, New Yorkers or whatever it is that boils your blood I say let it be known. I'm sure the people who fit into those particular categories are more than happy to move on to the next one, instead of dealing with whatever particular hang ups you may have about something that they aren't gonna change in the foreseeable future.

PS. I wrote the post mostly because I attempted to contemplate talking to perhaps the hoodest dude possible in the hopes of being more open in my dating life. I tried to wrap my head around the hood jewelry, the rims on his car, the permanent black and mild on his ear. But then he gave me a pet name......Blackberry -_-. I knew I couldn't deal from that moment forward.

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Why I'm Going Natural and Its Trials and Tribulations

Me and my Beloved Iggy Boy

"Grandma, your hair is kickin like Kung Fu Panda" (Iggy Boy Age 3, on seeing his Grandma's natural hair )

The creamy crack (relaxer) and I, have been in a monogamous relationship since I was twelve years old. Though my mother was hesitant, I begged and begged and I finally wore her down into letting me get a perm. Up until then, my hair was usually in french braids or micros or on special occasions, pressed and curled.

The infamous press in curl Xmas 95'

Micros

I had this idea in my head that getting my hair relaxed would somehow make it longer, or prettier, or more luxurious, or something. (IDK i was twelve, I was struggling).

Me in the Pink @ 12 yrs old. Hot mess.org

What it did however was just make me more annoyed with my hair constantly wishing it was better then it was.  I really didn't begin to understand what it meant to take care of it until my sophomore year of college (seven years later).  For the past few years there has been this movement in the Black community when it comes to women embracing their natural hair. I initially wasn't feeling it. There are crazy Black natural ninja women on You Tube who are psycho and unrelenting. Instead of talking about the positive aspects of having natural hair, they badger women who choose to put relaxer in their hair or who choose to wear weaves or wigs or whatever makes them happy. They are literally aggravating as hell, so I chose to continue to take care of my relaxed hair. However, my natural hair is very similar to how my mother's was, its not coarse at all.

MAMA (<3)

Though it's a bit difficult for me to manage because I'm not use to it, its really fairly simple to deal with it once you get the hang of it. I feel that because I have been taking fairly good care of my hair and it has yet to grow below shoulder level, that perhaps relaxer are too harsh for my hair. ( I also tend to get a bit over enthusiastic with the flat iron.) I decided to make a bold decision! I will transition my hair for a year, and see if there is any difference in the health of my hair. Since I wear sew- ins about half the time it shouldn't be a huge burden, but along the way I will be relearning my natural hair texture and if I hate it after a year then I will return to my beloved creamy crack. (Its a semi-permanent break up so to speak.) I chose not to do the big chop (cutting off all of my hair), because though I can pull off short hair I fell it may be too emotionally traumatic for me . ( And lord knows I need a break from emotional traumas.) So alas, my journey to natural has begun  (As of May 6, 2011) . I have my natural besties,  positive youtubers, my beloved weave and good products as a support system. In the end it really is just hair, and its up to each individual woman to decide what she'd personally like to do with her hair.

Here are some products that have really helped my thus far: The Shea Moisture Line

Cantu Shea Butter

Coconut Oil Wide Tooth Comb Weave :)

PS. Imma buy a box of Organics Olive Oil Relaxer just in case it gets real rough (ie. Iggy Boy comparing me to Kung Fu Panda), or if I just choose to spite some annoying ass holier then thou natural women SMH.

xoxxoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City

Mid-Summer Days Blues

So, I've been in kind of a funk for the last couple of weeks or so. I think its that point in the summer where you really want to just go back to school, and live you "other life" on your own accord. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Chicago and my friends and family but, this summer has not been the "vacation" that I hoped it would be.  SO in an effort to dig myself out of this funk, I took myself on a therapeutic shopping trip and hung out with my girlies. I think that the excessive heat and the day to day tasks that rest solely on me have really added to my irritation. My car and my phone also decided to implode around the same time. But since the weather is cooling, I've decided to put some good karma out into the world and make a list of the things that I'm most looking froward to in the coming months.

1. RETURNING TO NYC: I love New York, its a sexy ass town. Going back there means I get to return to the life that I've built for myself, and to the complete freedom that comes with living alone and making decisions solely for myself without any unwanted input for others.

2. APPLYING TO GRAD SCHOOL: Though I'm not looking forward to taking the GRE (Bleech). I am looking forward to sending off my grad school applications to Columbia, Northwestern, DePaul and of NYU. The end of undergrad is drawing near and I'm excited to see where my life will take me next.

3. INTERNING: I've only had one internship thus far, my sophomore year of college at a non-profit called New York Women In Film and Television (NYWIFT). It was a rewarding experience and it helped my narrow down what I really want to do in the film and television industry. I have a few internship applications lined up for the fall, so I hope that I will be able to snag one of them.

4. WATCH THE THRONE TOUR: If by the grace of God I can snag a ticket, I've opted out of returning home for Thanksgiving in favor of the concert. However, if I can't get one, then family and baked macaroni and cheese is always fab too.

5. MY NEW RESIDENTS: Being a RA is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, but its also one of the best jobs, and I fell in love with my resies last year. My new ones have some huge shoes to fill, so it should be an exciting year.

6. MY NEW WEAVE:): I've ordered my fall hair and its fab:) Plus I'm always enthusiastic about weave.

Off to for a Sunday afternoon BBQ with the fam BTW if you haven't seen Crazy, Stupid, Love IDK what you're doing with your life <3

I  would have the man's children, like for real <3

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Things I've Learned Since Turning 21

So I finally turned twenty-one this past Wednesday, an event I've been waiting on for as long as I can remember. My actual birthday was pretty chill, I worked my nine to five and got lots of hugs from little children because I wore a ridiculous birthday crown/headband on my head that my baby cousins Ari and  Iggy boy picked out at the dollar store for me last year. After work, I headed home to freshen up and then off to my cousins house for pizza, family time and a Smirnoff Ice. (Yes, I realize that many of you reading this are horrified that this was my drink of choice on my actual 21st BDAY. My bestie expressed her disgust and horror during the moment but whatevs, I had to work the next day and that green apple flavor tasted delicious with Giordanos). The next day I saw the 12:10 am showing of Harry Potter with my sister and daddy, but Saturday was the day I looked forward to the most. I got off of work early that day and headed to the spa to get some girly mantiance  (Now I never go anywhere looking busted but, since I work outside with children all day, my Carrie Bradshaw swag has been some what lacking this summer). 7:30pm I met the fam and a couple of friends at Uncle Julio's for some delicious food and my real birthday drink, "The Swirl" (A layered drink of frozen margarita and sangria). After some antics that could only happen when my family is around, me, my bestie and the lovely Elisa, stepped out for a night on the town. Of course I drank too much too quickly (though I was warned), so I felt a bit sickish at the beginning of the night, but after awhile I got it together and we went dancing at a club and then over to a delightful bar with delightful air conditioning. I ended the night fairly early, arriving home at 3:30ish. I woke up this morning slightly hungover and I had a freak out because I was convinced that I had lost my licence the night before. (It was in the passenger's seat of my car). But I got myself together and me, sissy and my two cousins hauled our asses to Olympia Field's for my baby cousin's 8th birthday party (it was a SPLASH theme). As I scarfed down, nachos and an Italian sausage in my hangover haze, I reflected on what I had learned in the few days since turning 21 and I came up with the following:

1. AIN'T NOTHIN' CHANGED BUT THE DAY IT IS: My lovely Auntie B.B. called me on my actual Bday and left me a voice message that said something along the lines of "Happy Birthday Arami, I hope you're having a great day. I know you probably don't feel any different since you done did everything that a grown person would do." LOL I couldn't disagree because this is indeed the truth. The only difference is that I don't have to be paranoid about doing hood rat things with my friends since I am free and clear to do what I please.

2. I'M NOT A CLUB PERSON: Let me clarify, I use to think I was a homebody but that's not actually  the case, I'm simply not a club person. Though I had a good time at the club, I much preferred the night before and the dinner with the fam at Uncle Julio's. The night before, I had cocktails and chicken wings with my girlfriends at my besties house. We watched Katt Williams, Kevin Hart and the Chappelle Show. It was epic fun. I'm a people person and I love to converse with people sober or not.  In the club you can't hear shit and if the music ain't right you have to force yourself to dance. I'm much more of an bar, event, lounge, house party, small gathering type of gal. (Plus the attire worn at the club offends me to no end.)

3. DRUNK GIRLS IN THE BATHROOM WHO LOVE YOUR OUTFIT ARE THE BEST PART OF THE CLUB: After drinking my drink too fast, I headed to the bathroom upon arriving at the club. When I came out of the stall I was feeling a bit better, as I was washing my hands a very cute, very drunk girl squealed when she saw my shoes, and she went on and on about them and my outfit for about 10 mins. Though my stomach was still a bit queasy, she and her friends being super nice and friendly helped me get over it and over myself.

4. I DON'T LIKE MEN THAT EVERY ONE ELSE LIKES: Let me begin by saying that I have a fetish for Rick Ross. It all began with his verse in "Devil in A New Dress on Kanye's BDTF. My delight and lust for the delicious man caused my bestie to slave away making me a poster full of pictures of him that will be hanging over my bed in my dorm room this year. *****Snapping Back to Reality****** There's a delicious bouncer at the club we went to by the name of Big Mike. My bestie met him last month when she was there for her 21st and was delighted by his largeness and general sexxiness. When my flyy friend Paij saw him she wanted to know if he had a twin, brother or friend for her.  I therefore had geared up and had been waiting  to see him. When I did however finally see him, drunk women were throwing themselves at him as he stood their awkwardly. All attraction that I might have had towards him quickly faded. I'm always disgusted when women throw themselves at men, and though rationally I know it wasn't his fault (he was being paid to stand there after all). I was disgusted by him and refused to speak to him.

5. MEN COULD REALLY CARE LESS HOW MUCH GAS COST WHEN THEY'RE ON THE PROWL: One of the highlights of the night was walking the few blocks back to the car when we left the club on the way to the bar.  My girls and I chatted up roughly 8 men in the 3 and a half block walk to the car, Three of them literally put their cars in reverse when they rolled past us,  claiming that they would be going wherever we ended up. Like I said, I'm a people person, so I was delighted to  humor them. One 35 year old man declared in a very corny manner to my bestie that he'd chosen her. Me, Elisa, and ole boy he was driving with literally laughed in his face, he laughed too because he knew how ridiculous he sounded. I also obtained a free CD, gave out my number, scolded a man for smoking,  and ridiculed a nineteen year old boy for wearing a hair bonnet in public. ( Yes, this all occurred in 3 and a half blocks).

6. THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSE TO BE THERE ALWAYS SHOW UP (OR CALL OR TXT, OR COMMENT OR SOMETHING): I guess I still feel some type of way about this but I'm a Cancer so I'm sensitive. It's pretty self explanatory so I shan't elaborate. SMH being annoyed its part of the reason i drank too fast.

7. I'M IN DENIAL ABOUT HARRY POTTER ENDING: My sissy and daddy, we basically losing their shiz over the final movie, rushing me down Lake Shore Drive, rushing my parking at the theater and then making me get all the refreshments at the show. Harry Potter has been such a major part of my life (since I was eight years old), that I refuse to think about it being over and instead, I shall begin reading all of the book over in the next few weeks.

8. DEMETRIA L. LUCAS IS THE BOMB.COM: So I heard about this amazing woman on VerySmartBrothas  and I had seen her face on Essence. I discovered her blog A Belle In Brooklyn and I begged sissy to get me her book by the same name for my bday. I'm nearly finished with the book and I'm convinced that Ms. Lucas is one of the flyyest, most real women ever. I swiftly emailed her since one of my goals now is to stalk her life when I return to NYC.

9. CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE FUN AS HELL : I had a delightful time today in the 90 degree weather. I hauled my size ten booty up a children's blow up water slide in my auntie's backyard and slid down falling out of the slide and onto the grass. I gossiped with my fam, screamed, laughed, ate, ate some more, ate cake and ice cream, played with babies and kids and had an epic time. I hope I never get to "cool" for such events.

So these are the things that I've learned and discovered about myself in the four days that I've been 21. I guess your twenties are about finding out exactly who you are, and this is me.  I'm currently laying in my bed and I've popped in Love Jones for the trillionth time. I mean this face never gets old.

When is a man gonna cook me a cheese omelet? (Just for reference I like ham and bell peppers in it too, with a cup of coffee, cream and sugar.) Goodnight Love Bugs xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

You Change and You Grow, But We Were Young And We Didn't Know. (Why Being Single Is Ok and Sometimes Necessary)

My bestie JanellofALife and I have this reoccurring conversation on occasion about the single life and what it means to be in meaningful relationships. I'm going to say meaningful because, most of the time in your 20's you're just discovering who you are, and the people that you date during that time help define who you are. (I'm not saying that you can't find "the one" at this age, because I know a couple of happy married couples that are my age, but really what is the rush?) When I was sixteen I met a boy, and that boy changed everything for me. Looking back now it was only eight months out of my life, but through that intense and very blinding haze  I loved him and he loved me back). It ended as quickly as it began. just like most teenage love affairs but, my world will be forever shifted by that my first real relationship. Now I've had one other relationship since then, that to be honest is not worth mentioning and I've dated a couple of guys in between. But the majority of the last five years I've spent being single and I think because of that, I feel like I've gotten to know exactly who I am without anyone clouding my judgement. I have always been a firm believer in taking some time to be alone after the end of any relationship. I think its important to heal and evaluate what occurred in that relationship. I also think this time alone, prevents you from jumping back into something intense with the any fool that smiles your way.  I'm not going to sit here and pretend that being single  is all fun and games, of course it gets lonely and even dull. But embracing it can be very exciting. You can "do you" as they say without worrying what your partner might think. I thinking dating different types of people without a serious commitment is also very important. Honestly, I feel that society is trying to panic everyone into finding the perfect mate, but, you twenties should really be all about you, your career, education, travel etc. The majority of people I know my age in a serious relationship are continually going through some drama that makes my head hurt to just think about it,. Whatever happened to just having fun? Whatever happened to getting to know someone? The thing I realized and that my mama was always trying to tell me is that though relationships are work, no one should be making you feel bad and you should be happy or at the very least content 98% of the time. If  you're not happy really what are you doing? The point is I guess that at this age we're still growing and changing, you damn well better be sure that you're with someone who has the same ambition as you. Someone who can grow and change with you. I'm sorry for this sappy ass blog post, I've clearly been watching too much One Tree Hill and listening to too much Adele but, I think that if eventually (like in your late twenties and thirties) you want to end up with this amazing person then embrace your life right now do what makes you happy whether its with someone who can go on that journey with you or if you're attempting to navigate through your life by yourself. Nobody can fix you, you have to fix yourself.  It's 2011, we having a pretty decent life expectancy so why rush?

My Top Priorities For the Next Five Years

1. Graduate NYU 2. Grad School 3. My Own Apartment/Condo 4. Job I Love 5. Go to Paris 6. Louboutins

So Now All Black Women Are Angry?

I saw a status on facebook this morning on my way to work. It read, "Great, another angry black woman on the train...just what I need." I decided then and there that the "angry black woman" subject was something I wanted to discuss. To be real i don't know any "angry" Black women and I know ALOT of Black women. I've come across some bitter people in my time but bitterness is universal there is nothing racial about it. It disturbed me to read this status because it was written by a young Black male  whose mother probably raised him. It seems to me that because he had one poor encounter with a Black women, as soon as he sees one that may be having a less than stellar day he labels all of us as bitter and angry. Let me just say that I definitely don't consider myself to be angry or even bitter.  I will say, that I have felt bitter at certain points in my life but I've been through a lot so I think that I had a right to those moments. It seems to me that men, like the particular guy who wrote the status, either don't like when women stick up for themselves or they've sadly brought into the media's and Tyler Perry's stereotypes of Black women. (Obviously these are characters). Instead of admitting that their male pride was threatened because a woman (possibly a Black women) said something they did not like or agree with they choose to place all Black women in the same category.

Later at work I had another disturbing encounter that tested the "angry black woman" theory on me personally. We were at the beach and the weather was gradually getting worse. The head of  the lifeguards at the beach (who was a 45 year old Black man) approached me and a coworker to ask who was running the event. I politely pointed out the man who was running it, and I attempted to reassure the lifeguard man that we were not letting any children go near the water. Before I could even finish what I was saying the man stuck his hand in my face (yes this grown ass man who was all of 5 ft tall gave me the "talk to the hand") and ran off to my male co-worker. Flabbergasted, I stood there in shock with my hands on my hips and my mouth open. I chose not to be unprofessional and yell at the man, but when he approached me again I surely walked away. This would not have been the reaction of choice for many other women no matter what their race. No one has a right to disrespect another person in that manner, being disrespected can very well warrant an angry response, that does not mean that someone has an "angry". I would say to that person with this particular status, it is well known that you prefer women of different races and that is totally your right and your choice. However, please do not give black women labels to simply justify your actions. Be with who you want to be with, but grow some balls and realize that women will stick up for themselves in whatever fashion they feel is necessary. Or maybe you should open your horizons and begin meeting different types of women from different types of backgrounds. Its your own fault if you stay in the same few square miles, of course you're going to continue to see the same characters.

People come from many different circumstances and many of them have reasons to be upset with things that have occurred in their lives. It takes a lot of strength and work to be a positive person the majority of the time, and its something you work at on a daily basis

I'm not gonna post a bitter status like "here come some bum ass Black dude tryna talk to me" every time one does because all Black men aren't bums so I'm not going to imply that they are.

Why I'm Possibly One Of The Most Dramatic People You WIll Ever Meet

I pondered this blog topic as I raced to my bestie's house on Sunday evening so that I wouldn't miss Chris Brown's performance at the BET awards. To my sheer disdain when I arrived I had missed Breezy,  and the insufferable Alicia Keys was singing off key as she stood on top of her piano. My disgust for Ms. Keys does not actually stem from her music; Songs in A Minor and Diary were classics. It has to do with the whole Swizz Beats/ Moshanda drama. Now I will admit that everything the public hears about celebrity situations are hearsay, but for some reason whether its true or not, Alicia stooping to the level of potential homewrecker disgusted me to no end and I turn the channel whenever her music is played.  (Yet I'm now probably more obsessed with Chris Brown then I was before the incident.)

Things Fall Apart: I don't deal with stress or being overwhelmed in the best way. Instead of dealing with my issues I can usually be found hibernating in my room watching endless hours of Elliot Stabler on SVU, or Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte on Sex and the City. For example, the night of the BET awards I arrived home to my abode around 2am. After stumbling up to my room I realized that the ceiling in the room next to mine had collapsed and what stood before me was vast amount of itchy roofing material. My mind literally could not conceive what was happening, so instead I froze and simply stood there in horror for about ten minutes before my mind was able to tell my body to move.

Me & Crackberry: Living without my Blackberry is like being sucked into a black hole of death :(. A few weeks after I returned home from NYC to the Chi, I dropped my Blackberry in a puddle. It worked fine for about an hour and then it died. It was a devastating loss, and I had to wait 24hrs to get another one (for free :)). This new phone that AT&T gave me constantly freezes  and causes me to seriously consider chucking it across the room about one million times a day. I know its just a phone but, if I pay for it why should I have to go without it for even a second. Dramatic I know.

Looking Flyy: I already discussed in previous blogs that I like to go to regular ass places getting my Carrie Bradshaw on. Because of this bougie little habit, when I have to go out looking regular as hell, I'm usually offended when people want to talk to me.  Example: Today I had to stop at the grocery store to get my Daddy some milk on my way home from work. Mind you, I had on my horrid park district shirt (no its not yellow), some shorts and some converse (my sole pair of gym shoes). I had been outside playing with children all day so you can infer how I was looking. I parked my car and attempted to run into the store as quickly as possible with my shades still on.  Instead I was interrupted from my undercover operation by "Wassup Black, That's A Nice Skin Tone You Have. Let Me Give You My Card". I'm sorry when was any of this ever acceptable and when did women start calling men???!!!! But alas that's neither here nor there but men will approach you when you look as busted as possible. As you have probably assumed he got my signature side eye from under my shades as I rushed in the store before anyone on 71st street could recognize me. (Dramatic I know, luckily I wasn't hungry because he would've really been insulted.)

The  2001 Mercury Sable: I've previously discussed my hatred of driving and since I was nearly killed on Tuesday morning by a #14 Jeffery Express bus, I shall go into no further detail.

Le Cinema: I must be on time for movies. I am not one of those Black people that can just wonder up to the show and catch whatever movie is playing around the time I arrive. I CAN'T STAND THAT. As a cinema studies student, half of the fun of going to movies for me is seeing the previews. This is dramatic I realize but, if I miss the previews I'm going to have a tude.

Weave Snobbery: Just another one of my bougie little habits, my love for weave  has spawned a love for virgin tresses (whether is Indian, Brazilian, whatever.) This means that I rarely buy hair from the beauty supply store. Standing in line once at the infamous Wigs Plus on 71st, a lady asked me where I'd gotten my hair from and how much I spent. When I told her she looked horrified and applaud, she even ridiculed me for spending so much. I politely smiled and nodded but I deeply wanted to say you can put that $10 pack of 14inch in your hair if you want to. Just don't be mad when you're real hair falls out underneath cuz you got a scalp infection from itching up a storm. I didn't say such a thing of course because that would have been rude.

I LOVE Black Movies (And TV): I Love them, I will say Tyler Perry is questionable at times but I'll still watch them (perhaps just on Netflix) and I'm always offended by anyone who thinks that they are unnecessary or stereotypical all the time. Just because you haven't heard  of something or don;t understand a reference. does not mean it does not exisit. I've had many a dramatic argument over this.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Flip Flops Are Not Shoes and Other Things That I Believe With All My Heart

How my sissy and I feel about nearly everything in life :) (Photo from her tumblr)

1. FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES: There was once a time I shall admit, when I wore flip flops just like any other person. I would wear them out of the house, to the mall, to dinner, etc. But that was when I was 14. Seven years later, I can honestly say, I've worn flip flops only around my house (dorm), and to the beach, and other pool areas. There are so many beautiful shoes to be worn. (Check out endless.com and shoedazzle.com, two of my favorite shoe places).  Why then people, are we wearing impossibly thin slices of rubber on our feet that give us no arch support and are about as sexy as an farting old man.  Yes, I shall admit they are comfortable, but so is my large pink bonnet that i wear on my head at night and I don't subject anybody but my family to that. (Also, I own exactly one pair of gym shoes which I wear to the gym and/or my summer job which requires me to be outside all day. YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME WITH THEM ON ANY WHERE ELSE.)

2. I WILL NOT HAVE CHILDREN FOR AT LEAST 10 PLUS YEARS: I love children ....for about one hour, then their cuteness dissipates and they become annoying slobbering blobs. I shall be honest, I'm selfish I like to shop, sleep, and do what I want to do when I want to do it such as hoodrat things with my friends. Children ruin all of my favorite things and their strollers block the good makeup aisle in Sephora, Props to all those women who have, love, and care for their little ones. Just don't drop them off at my house.

3. DRIVING IS "FOR THE BIRDS" SMH: There are little activities I hate more than driving. Let me give you some background. I was a late bloomer when it came to driving. I got my license a few days before my 18th birthday and only really started driving seriously last summer. I'm a halfway decent driver but I seriously cant deal with traffic, the stop and go, paying for gas, and the other numerous ridiculous things that come with having a license and a vehicle. I'll be a passenger in some other person's ride any day.

4. THE SITCOM FRIENDS IS POSSIBLY THE DULLEST THING THAT EVER CAME ON TV: Its about as boring and as unfunny as possible, none of the characters are likeable and there was about one black person on there the entire ten years it was on the air.

5. MEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND: I understand that everything they do is motivated by their pursuit of the panties, but I'm still at a loss for what goes on in their heads.

6. DRESSING UP TO GO TO REGULAR ASS PLACES MAKES LIFE INFINITELY MORE FUN: This is basically my mantra and the mantra of my besites. I'm not quite sure how we came up with it but alas, my bestie describes such an occasion on her blog JanellofALife. Apparently I'm the worst when it comes to this as I've taken to ridiculing people who look extra regular and choose to wear things like flip flops and large white tees into decent places. Mostly its possibly because I'm bougie as hell which I admit at all times.

7. MEN OVER THE AGE OF 18 SHOULD NOT HAVE BRAIDS: I shall start by saying that this is a particular preference of mine so you are free to disagree. I just don't understand how you expect to go to work and have people  take you seriously looking like a ten year old boy. I'm also turned off by any man who take more time with his appearance then I do, and who is more high maintenance then I. SMH I'm the one with the ovaries.

8. AT ANY MOMENT,  YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF & LIKE THE COMPANY THAT YOU KEEP: I think as human beings we are constantly searching for someone to be there next to us whether its a significant other, child, parent, whatever. I think because of this and because of society, people forget to learn who they are as individuals and they become absorbed in some other person's life.  Knowing exactly who you are and being true to that, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Having any type of relationship that is worthwhile, healthy and meaningful will only come out of that deep understanding. Do things for yourself, have something that you love to do and as Very Smart Brothas said, "don't be infecting the dating game with your uninteresting ass e coli".

9. MY MAMA WAS THE BEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET: My mama passed away last summer from breast cancer. Its so weird when you're young, you think that your parents are invincible. As you grow older, you learn that they are only human like the rest of us. My mama taught me everything I know about life, being a woman, loving myself and the list goes on. One of the best things she ever said to me was, " when someone shows you their ass you pay attention and remember that is exactly who they are, and that's how they will always be." She also told me that fat meat was greasy, and gave me and my sister "ghetto" names that she use to holler out in the grocery store. (Mine was Cokeitha) LOL. I love you Mama

10. THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE (BESIDES FAMILY) ARE IN YOUR LIFE FOR SEASONS: In grade school when I came home everyday, I use to tell my mama what happened that day, and when I described people I use to say "my friend such and such". My mama use to say, "Girl don't you know everybody is not your friend." No truer words were ever spoken. I only have a few true friends and those people know who they are. Tryna turn you ratchet (but very fun) acquaintances into your friends is a grave mistake. You tell these tricks one thing and the next thing you know everybody and their babymama knows your business. Unacceptable.com Have fun with these people but discuss nothing  except what happened on the Kardashians last week.

11. WORKING ON SATURDAYS IS THE DEVIL: So my summer job schedule  is Tuesdays- Saturdays from 9-5 (except for this and next weekend when I have to work until seven BLEECH) Saturdays are meant for sleeping until one pm, lounging about in your nuddy pants, eating more then the allotted calories for the day, speeding your check at H&M, catching up on the tv you missed during the week, and MARGARITAS. Work should never be involved.

Just a few of my philosophies on life

xxoxoxoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City