Why I'm Possibly One Of The Most Dramatic People You WIll Ever Meet

I pondered this blog topic as I raced to my bestie's house on Sunday evening so that I wouldn't miss Chris Brown's performance at the BET awards. To my sheer disdain when I arrived I had missed Breezy,  and the insufferable Alicia Keys was singing off key as she stood on top of her piano. My disgust for Ms. Keys does not actually stem from her music; Songs in A Minor and Diary were classics. It has to do with the whole Swizz Beats/ Moshanda drama. Now I will admit that everything the public hears about celebrity situations are hearsay, but for some reason whether its true or not, Alicia stooping to the level of potential homewrecker disgusted me to no end and I turn the channel whenever her music is played.  (Yet I'm now probably more obsessed with Chris Brown then I was before the incident.)

Things Fall Apart: I don't deal with stress or being overwhelmed in the best way. Instead of dealing with my issues I can usually be found hibernating in my room watching endless hours of Elliot Stabler on SVU, or Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte on Sex and the City. For example, the night of the BET awards I arrived home to my abode around 2am. After stumbling up to my room I realized that the ceiling in the room next to mine had collapsed and what stood before me was vast amount of itchy roofing material. My mind literally could not conceive what was happening, so instead I froze and simply stood there in horror for about ten minutes before my mind was able to tell my body to move.

Me & Crackberry: Living without my Blackberry is like being sucked into a black hole of death :(. A few weeks after I returned home from NYC to the Chi, I dropped my Blackberry in a puddle. It worked fine for about an hour and then it died. It was a devastating loss, and I had to wait 24hrs to get another one (for free :)). This new phone that AT&T gave me constantly freezes  and causes me to seriously consider chucking it across the room about one million times a day. I know its just a phone but, if I pay for it why should I have to go without it for even a second. Dramatic I know.

Looking Flyy: I already discussed in previous blogs that I like to go to regular ass places getting my Carrie Bradshaw on. Because of this bougie little habit, when I have to go out looking regular as hell, I'm usually offended when people want to talk to me.  Example: Today I had to stop at the grocery store to get my Daddy some milk on my way home from work. Mind you, I had on my horrid park district shirt (no its not yellow), some shorts and some converse (my sole pair of gym shoes). I had been outside playing with children all day so you can infer how I was looking. I parked my car and attempted to run into the store as quickly as possible with my shades still on.  Instead I was interrupted from my undercover operation by "Wassup Black, That's A Nice Skin Tone You Have. Let Me Give You My Card". I'm sorry when was any of this ever acceptable and when did women start calling men???!!!! But alas that's neither here nor there but men will approach you when you look as busted as possible. As you have probably assumed he got my signature side eye from under my shades as I rushed in the store before anyone on 71st street could recognize me. (Dramatic I know, luckily I wasn't hungry because he would've really been insulted.)

The  2001 Mercury Sable: I've previously discussed my hatred of driving and since I was nearly killed on Tuesday morning by a #14 Jeffery Express bus, I shall go into no further detail.

Le Cinema: I must be on time for movies. I am not one of those Black people that can just wonder up to the show and catch whatever movie is playing around the time I arrive. I CAN'T STAND THAT. As a cinema studies student, half of the fun of going to movies for me is seeing the previews. This is dramatic I realize but, if I miss the previews I'm going to have a tude.

Weave Snobbery: Just another one of my bougie little habits, my love for weave  has spawned a love for virgin tresses (whether is Indian, Brazilian, whatever.) This means that I rarely buy hair from the beauty supply store. Standing in line once at the infamous Wigs Plus on 71st, a lady asked me where I'd gotten my hair from and how much I spent. When I told her she looked horrified and applaud, she even ridiculed me for spending so much. I politely smiled and nodded but I deeply wanted to say you can put that $10 pack of 14inch in your hair if you want to. Just don't be mad when you're real hair falls out underneath cuz you got a scalp infection from itching up a storm. I didn't say such a thing of course because that would have been rude.

I LOVE Black Movies (And TV): I Love them, I will say Tyler Perry is questionable at times but I'll still watch them (perhaps just on Netflix) and I'm always offended by anyone who thinks that they are unnecessary or stereotypical all the time. Just because you haven't heard  of something or don;t understand a reference. does not mean it does not exisit. I've had many a dramatic argument over this.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Flip Flops Are Not Shoes and Other Things That I Believe With All My Heart

How my sissy and I feel about nearly everything in life :) (Photo from her tumblr)

1. FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES: There was once a time I shall admit, when I wore flip flops just like any other person. I would wear them out of the house, to the mall, to dinner, etc. But that was when I was 14. Seven years later, I can honestly say, I've worn flip flops only around my house (dorm), and to the beach, and other pool areas. There are so many beautiful shoes to be worn. (Check out endless.com and shoedazzle.com, two of my favorite shoe places).  Why then people, are we wearing impossibly thin slices of rubber on our feet that give us no arch support and are about as sexy as an farting old man.  Yes, I shall admit they are comfortable, but so is my large pink bonnet that i wear on my head at night and I don't subject anybody but my family to that. (Also, I own exactly one pair of gym shoes which I wear to the gym and/or my summer job which requires me to be outside all day. YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME WITH THEM ON ANY WHERE ELSE.)

2. I WILL NOT HAVE CHILDREN FOR AT LEAST 10 PLUS YEARS: I love children ....for about one hour, then their cuteness dissipates and they become annoying slobbering blobs. I shall be honest, I'm selfish I like to shop, sleep, and do what I want to do when I want to do it such as hoodrat things with my friends. Children ruin all of my favorite things and their strollers block the good makeup aisle in Sephora, Props to all those women who have, love, and care for their little ones. Just don't drop them off at my house.

3. DRIVING IS "FOR THE BIRDS" SMH: There are little activities I hate more than driving. Let me give you some background. I was a late bloomer when it came to driving. I got my license a few days before my 18th birthday and only really started driving seriously last summer. I'm a halfway decent driver but I seriously cant deal with traffic, the stop and go, paying for gas, and the other numerous ridiculous things that come with having a license and a vehicle. I'll be a passenger in some other person's ride any day.

4. THE SITCOM FRIENDS IS POSSIBLY THE DULLEST THING THAT EVER CAME ON TV: Its about as boring and as unfunny as possible, none of the characters are likeable and there was about one black person on there the entire ten years it was on the air.

5. MEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND: I understand that everything they do is motivated by their pursuit of the panties, but I'm still at a loss for what goes on in their heads.

6. DRESSING UP TO GO TO REGULAR ASS PLACES MAKES LIFE INFINITELY MORE FUN: This is basically my mantra and the mantra of my besites. I'm not quite sure how we came up with it but alas, my bestie describes such an occasion on her blog JanellofALife. Apparently I'm the worst when it comes to this as I've taken to ridiculing people who look extra regular and choose to wear things like flip flops and large white tees into decent places. Mostly its possibly because I'm bougie as hell which I admit at all times.

7. MEN OVER THE AGE OF 18 SHOULD NOT HAVE BRAIDS: I shall start by saying that this is a particular preference of mine so you are free to disagree. I just don't understand how you expect to go to work and have people  take you seriously looking like a ten year old boy. I'm also turned off by any man who take more time with his appearance then I do, and who is more high maintenance then I. SMH I'm the one with the ovaries.

8. AT ANY MOMENT,  YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF & LIKE THE COMPANY THAT YOU KEEP: I think as human beings we are constantly searching for someone to be there next to us whether its a significant other, child, parent, whatever. I think because of this and because of society, people forget to learn who they are as individuals and they become absorbed in some other person's life.  Knowing exactly who you are and being true to that, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Having any type of relationship that is worthwhile, healthy and meaningful will only come out of that deep understanding. Do things for yourself, have something that you love to do and as Very Smart Brothas said, "don't be infecting the dating game with your uninteresting ass e coli".

9. MY MAMA WAS THE BEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET: My mama passed away last summer from breast cancer. Its so weird when you're young, you think that your parents are invincible. As you grow older, you learn that they are only human like the rest of us. My mama taught me everything I know about life, being a woman, loving myself and the list goes on. One of the best things she ever said to me was, " when someone shows you their ass you pay attention and remember that is exactly who they are, and that's how they will always be." She also told me that fat meat was greasy, and gave me and my sister "ghetto" names that she use to holler out in the grocery store. (Mine was Cokeitha) LOL. I love you Mama

10. THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE (BESIDES FAMILY) ARE IN YOUR LIFE FOR SEASONS: In grade school when I came home everyday, I use to tell my mama what happened that day, and when I described people I use to say "my friend such and such". My mama use to say, "Girl don't you know everybody is not your friend." No truer words were ever spoken. I only have a few true friends and those people know who they are. Tryna turn you ratchet (but very fun) acquaintances into your friends is a grave mistake. You tell these tricks one thing and the next thing you know everybody and their babymama knows your business. Unacceptable.com Have fun with these people but discuss nothing  except what happened on the Kardashians last week.

11. WORKING ON SATURDAYS IS THE DEVIL: So my summer job schedule  is Tuesdays- Saturdays from 9-5 (except for this and next weekend when I have to work until seven BLEECH) Saturdays are meant for sleeping until one pm, lounging about in your nuddy pants, eating more then the allotted calories for the day, speeding your check at H&M, catching up on the tv you missed during the week, and MARGARITAS. Work should never be involved.

Just a few of my philosophies on life

xxoxoxoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Hair

As a Black woman I think that I, like other Black women hold the sole authority on our hair and any subject regarding our hair whether its going natural, chemical application, weaves etc. Even when Black men begin to get too invested and opinionated with regards to our hair it becomes a sticky situation and usually means that their gonna get the side eye from me. Let me just go ahead and say it. I AM A WEAVE-AHOLIC I love me some weave 12-14 inches curly, wavy or straight Indian, Brazilian, or Malaysian. I am also relaxed and shall remain that way indefinitely. This is not to say that I am against natural hair. I think that natural hair is freakin GORGEOUS two of my besties are rocking their natural hair and i must say honey it is FIERCE. I had my natural hair until I was 12 years old and ever since then ive been bathing my tresses in a chemical bath of relaxer. Admittedly, I do have some personal hair issues. My mama (may she rest in peace, I love you mommy) always had long gorgeous hair before she got sick and I just never had the luxury of having that. No one in my immediate family ever really knew how to take care of hair very well so I basically rocked hella french braids in my childhood, I graduated to microbraids and then to kinky twist, put the creamy crack in and then in college I discovered the sew in weave. I am in no way embarrassed by my "real" hair. I take very good care of it, its a nice grade and its usually between shoulder and neck length. But to be real, its just not my swag. I let my "real" hair swing free for about a month or so every time I take out a weave but I must admit I'm always anxious to braid it up again. Weaves just make me feel good, i like them and they stay looking right so I'm personally offended by anyone who attacks me or any other woman for choosing to wear them. This especially rings true when it comes to Black men who act like weave offends them. Or who try to convince their significant other not to do what makes her happy (can you say CONTROL issues). Everyone of course is entitled to their preferences and opinions. I personally do not think grown men should rock braids but, if that's their swag then go for it i'm certainly not going to attack the brother or try and change him, My preferences is simply for dudes with fades. It also confuses me when other women attack one another for doing what they want with their OWN hair. Frankly its not your damn business and your focus should only be whats atop your own hair. All this is just to say that it is JUST HAIR, nothing more, nothing less. I watched my mama lose all of her hair to breast cancer, all of that beautiful hair that i admired all of my life. But you know what? My mama was still Fierce bald head and all (she refused to wear wigs she said they made her hot...literally). I'm going to end this post by recommending Chris Rock's Good Hair. I know some Black women were offended by what he said in the film. Personally I dont understand why, its really not that serious and I thought it was HIGHliarious. Whatever you want to do with your hair just make sure you look damn good doing it xoxox Chocolate Girl In the City