Why I Think Chris Brown Should Have Performed At The Grammys & Why My Friends Disagree

****DISCLAIMER: Domestic Violence Is NEVER Acceptable*************** I was happy when I found out that Chris Brown was going to be able to perform at this years Grammy awards, mostly because he's super talented and he always puts on a good show. After the ceremony country singer Miranda Lambert tweeted that she didn't understand why he was allowed to perform at all, especially twice.  I disagree, though I do not think that he was given the right punishment for the crime that he committed (it should have been harsher) he did do what was asked in him. Therefore I don't understand why he should be barred from preforming, which is essentially how he makes a living. Though Chris Brown likes to say ratchet things on twitter and throw chairs out of windows, that's not really any different from other celebrities do.  Either that or they're too coked out to function. Personally, I would never want people to harp on a mistake I made last year, let alone three years ago, and I feel that people like to provoke celebrities. No one on this earth wants their past indiscretions to be thrown in their face. Do I think Chris Brown is the best person ever? Of course not but I don't think he's the anti-Christ either.  Obviously he has some deep psychological  and emotional problems that he needs to deal with, but as a young woman who has been through shit myself, I've come to understand that therapy and things of that nature can only be helpful to you once you personally decide its time for you to seek them out. Obviously, Chris Brown can no longer be seen as a role model, and I don't think he (or Rhianna for that matter) are trying to be, therefore, I personally have no issue with listening to his music or watching his videos while respecting him solely as an artist. My lovely friend Michael disagrees with me wholeheartedly on my entire position. I must say that after out riveting conversation I see his point though I still disagree. Michael argued that Chris Brown has not proven himself to be a better person since the incident, he continues to go HAM on twitter and basically act poorly in general. He said that he never gave a proper apology and he really hasn't seemed to have changed since the incident. Micheal also argued that since the incident happened at the Pre-Grammy party in 2009, it was in bad taste that he was allowed to perform at the same event this year. Michael did say that he wouldn't have been bothered if he had simply attended as a nominee. I argued that, as long as he's given a proper apology to Rhianna its none of the public's business,which is why I thought Rhianna talking about it  to Diane Sawyer was kind of strange, though I do agree it was her right . I simply feel like taking away someone's livelihood and the one thing they love to do is not productive or healthy and that our society in general needs to come up with better and more reformatory repercussions.  At this point I don't feel like Miranda Lambert sending tweets out is productive to anyone, though she has a right to state her opinion. I also think that we should really reevaluate what we deem as "unforgivable" and how long we should shun people who make mistakes. No one wants to live in a constant state of limbo, at some point we need not to forget but we certainly need to move on.  Finally, I'll just say that though you might disagree with me, I wouldn't wish the horror that is fame on anyone, it seems like a terrible life especially if you haven't had a good foundation to begin with.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxox PS:I Guess We Should All Just Mind Our Own Business

What Whitney Meant To Me

I can never remember a time when I didn't know who Whitney Houston was. When I was little I would sit in my car seat in the back of my mom's car and listen to Whitney's tapes, singing right along because I knew all of the words.  The Christmas that The Preacher's Wife came out, my mother brought the VHS home for me and my sister and I remember at six yeas old, being so mesmerized by how beautiful she was and how perfect her voice was. My mom watched the film for Denzel, but I remember watching it for Whitney and the songs she sang.  She was just so poised and glamorous, even while playing such a simple role. Besides her music which was constantly in the background in my Chicago household, the next thing I remember was being about ten and seeing The Bodyguard on television and that film for me just really sealed the deal.  ( And you know I still know every word and song that s in the Brandy Cinderella ).

Whitney was legendary for me and I suppose I never really understood her personal struggles because the images I saw of her were always five to eight years in the past. She was always beautiful to me, I was always in awe of her grace and  her stature. My first personal Whitney CD was  My Love is Your Love, I was about nine and I had just gotten a boom box for my birthday LMAO. I played the CD on repeat to the point where it was exhausting for my entire family. The next thing I can remember is stealing my mother's copy of Waiting the Exhale (the book) when I was about twelve, and then having to plot to acquire the film. (I wasn't allowed to watch Rated R films until I was damn near grown smh). But there she was again just as beautiful as ever. Looking back now, I feel so blessed that my mother sheltered me and I never really witnessed Whitney struggling. Even still, her struggles could never outweigh, all the she did, all that she meant or the fact that I still get goose bumps when I hear. "I Will Always Love You".

When I was told that she had passed I was clowning in my room, getting ready to go out with my friends. My bestise's mom texted her and she blurted out that Whitney had passed. When she told us, I screamed. I felt physically ill. I've never had such a violent reaction to the death of  a celebrity not even MJ. Maybe it was because, I know that if my mom was still here she would have been devastated Perhaps, despite everything I felt like I knew Whitney, like I could relate to her.  For a bougie  Black girl from the south side of Chicago Whitney was more than iconic, she was a dream and that's what I choose to remember. xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

My Hunger Games Addiction

Ever since coming to college, I have dreaded reading. Like literally dreaded it! I would clean my room and do all my laundry before I could bring myself to sit down and read something that was assigned to me. I have become one of those college students who reads the first page of everything and then reads the first and last sentence of every paragraph thereafter. This all changed last week when I realized that I forgot to change my address on Netflix so all of my DVD's are being sent to my daddy in Chicago while I'm in NYC (Smh, story of my life). Anywhoo, my lovely brother brought me the Kindle Fire for Christmas, and sadly though I had rented The Hunger Games at the end of December, I'd been using the precious device to mostly play Angry Birds.

My Love:)

But alas, for whatever reason last week I recalled that I use to adore reading, so much to the point where my mother would take books from me when I was on punishment. (I was a lovely non-problematic child). Maybe it was the fact that The Vampire Diaries was on hiatus or the fact that I only have two classes but something made me pull out my kindle and begin to read. Ten pages in I was hooked. The story is set in post apocalypse-North America and I know that sounds wack especially if you are a boogie Black girl like myself. But I promise its the SHIT.  I won't go to further into what happens because its a teen novel so it takes two hours to read. Anyway educate yourself and read it before the film comes out March 23rd. After that you'll have time to read the sequals. Trust me you'll thank me later. My only complaint is that because the books are "young adult" they are as dirty as they should be ;)

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl xoxoxoxox PS: I've been on a health kick so I suppose instead of overeating this and Ritz Chips have become my new obsessions.

Obsessed

PPS: The white boys in the film are cuties which makes it even better.

The Misadventures of An Awkward Black Girl

So this post is about a day late and a dollar short. However, I just have to write a review about this. Last summer my good friend told me to watch The Misadventures of An Awkward Black Girl on Youtube. When I began watching it there were only about five episodes and though they were funny, I sort of forgot about it for a minute. So a few weeks ago, the season finale was posted on Youtube and my girlfriend was like hey, have you watched this yet. So this weekend I finished watching the season and let me just say I screamed with laughter. The show is like The Office, through a Black girls perspective and all of the strange and terrible things that happen  to her on a day to day basis. Some of the best parts of the series are the hilarious raps and the constant references to Black film. The main character J raps, "niggas love me, I'm on my Kim K." LMAO. Her boyfriend dumps her because she cuts off all of her hair and tells her that he feels gay. (SMH)  In the eight episode, the guy that she is interested in plays the guitar like Terrence Howard does in that scene from the Best Man. (YES JESUS)

 Oh baby wipes how u make me laugh, and yet this is still sexy:)

Basically this is  a must watch in you free time. All of the episode can be found on Youtube. Basically its just very awkward and very dope.

Awkward, Strange and Embarrassing Things That Have Happened To This Chocolate Girl

Awkward Now

Awkward Then

So I've been on this health kick lately, working out eating better etc. (Well I guess more like one week). The bestie and I decided that there was no reason for Kelly Rowland and Toni Braxton to look so much better than we do while being decades older than we are. So anywho,  the other day I went out and brought some One A Day Women vitamins, I ate some yogurt and had coffee for breakfast and then I hobbled out in the freezing New York air, to ship a package to my cousin. After standing in line for about five minutes I began to sweat profusely and immediately I knew that something was not right. The poor man behind the counter asked me if I was alright, and before I could answer I had beelined to the garbage and was vomiting in it. ( No I'm not preg, it was the vitamin). Embarrassed does not even begin to cover it. (On the bright-side it was a fro day and not a wig day because that would have just been foul). This ridiculous experience reminded me of some other tragically embarrassing things that seem to only happen to me.

Flyy, But I would still like to have my boobies

That Awkward Moment When I Decide I'm A Gym Rat : Sophomore year of college, I was actually going to the gym on a regular basis for a few months. I noticed that some of the more fit people would run backward on the treadmill. I have no idea why I thought my uncoordinated behind could do something like that SMH. Anyways, I decided it was a bright idea for me to run backwards as well. Obviously I fell on my ass and I have not been back to the gym since.

That Awkward Moment When My School Deletes My Financial Aid My Final Semester of College:  Since my school is expensive and I'm poor, I have financial aid like most people who attend college these days. Last February like for the past few Februaries I filled out my FASFA, however, for whatever reason my daddy did not file his 2010 taxes until this past November (yes November 2011) and therefore when I went on Friday to fill out some paperwork all of my financial aid had been deleted and I suddenly owed my school $30,000 more then I intended. SMH story of my life. (Luckily I conned the people into fixing the issue).

That Awkward Moment When I Think It's Wise To Online Date: At the beginning of last semester, I thought it was a good idea for me to online date. (This was one of the dumbest ideas I've ever had in this lifetime, but whatever at the time I thought it was ok). Anyway. I met this dude and we talked for like 3 weeks before we decided to meet up. .....yeah he stood me up ...TWICE. Luckily I soon came to my senses and deleted the profile.

Those Awkward Black Girl Moments: Anytime I had to take out my weave or braids when I had roommates my first two years of college and they would just come in and stare at me awkwardly under the pretense of having a conversation.

Those Really Awkward Moments: Last summer while at work, I got really sick.....yeah um lets just say I went commando for the rest of the day.

Those Awkward Black RA Moments: On more then one occasion, I've gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to yell at my residents for being very loud. After screaming, I realized that they are all looking at me strangely because I had on my large pink sleep hair bonnet and no bra :/

Or When you do Love and Basketball as a dorm program and only one of the five Black people in the whole building come and you two watch it together and eat up enough snacks for twenty people

Those Awkward Natural Hair Moments: Sometimes I walk down the street and see sistas with Natural hair that looks dry, brittle and crazy and I ponder to myself, does my hair look like that? You're hair should never look like a Brillo pad. Please seek Youtube for some advice on Natural Hair

EPIC!!!!!

Unfortunate, please get a comb, some coconut oil, something.

That Awkward Attraction To Chris Brown Moment: That moment when you realize you're attracted to Chris Brown despite the fact that he has bleached blonde hair and he's known to warm up wigs. SMH

He just looks good, idk y.

Anywhoo, these are just a few of the weird and tragic things that have happened to me in the past few years. There are many more that I shall carry with me to the grave, but I hope these made you laugh.

As my mama always said, when you know better, you do better

Mommy and Me

xxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxx Happy MLK Day :)

PS. Have you watched these ??!! If Not DO IT

Keven Singing

Check Out my Love Keven:) One of my favorite people. He's very shy about his talent so being who I am I took it upon myself to promote him if he won't do it himself. Check out his youtube page (gogetta025)  and leave him comments he would really appreciate it.

xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

PS. Sometimes I force him to sing to me before I go to bed

Milk & Honey Series

So if you don't know already, I'm obsessed with Black film and television its just kinda my ish :). So I don;t just like the stuff that goes mainstream, I like to get my hand on the more obscure stuff. So looking at my the Concrete Loop. I ran across this web series produced my Idris Elba (let's all take a moment and pause as we think of how beautiful the man is), anyway, Idris back this film company called brown paper dolls which was started by three black women from Chicago :).  So so far their are only two ten minute episodes to the series. I watched both at the same time and overall I thought it was kind of dope. Since the episodes are so short, the first episode was kind of confusing for me but, after I finished the second episode I got a better grasp of what was going on. The series thus far is really about these black women just trying to navigate their way through life & love while following their dreams. I loved the act that these women were like women I've come across in my life. They had on flyy ass outfits, they were beautiful and I could relate to some of the things that they had to say. I would say if you have about twenty minutes to spare its definatly worth looking at. Debbie Allen is in it :)

Idris said: “I decided to get involved with Milk + Honey because of the strong demand for content that is relatable and authentic” states Elba about his involvement with the project, “Brown Paper Dolls has an intuitive way of displaying positive images of women throughout the series.”

Milk + Honey Episode 1

Milk + Honey Episode 2

Give it a looksie, its some nice man candy on their too:)

http://milkandhoneyseries.com/

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City.

Not Drowning In My Parents Baggage

PSA: This  post is gonna air some of my dirty laundry so if you feel some type of way about that please exit now:)

When I was younger, like most people I guess, it never occurred to me that my parents had lives before I existed. It took awhile for it to seep in that my mama had some thirty plus years of life before she popped me out and my dad had some forty plus years. Now if you know me, or have read some of my previous blog posts then you know that my mom passed away from breast cancer about a year and a half ago. Its very strange to go on making your way into this world when you no longer have a pillar, that one person who would have been there for you no matter what, its haunting. But alas, my sister and I are still here and still making our way so I'm gonna pat myself on the back for that one. Luckily my dad is still with us, its strange though because like a number of people, I did not bond with my dad in the same way that I did with my mother. He was always more of an illusion to me then an actual human being. A forty-two year gap between yourself and your parent is a huge age difference, especially when that person has come from a background so foreign from your own that its difficult to see his point of view and even more difficult for him to see yours.

This post is not meant to bash my father in anyway, he is who he is and I have to just continue to remind myself that that is never going to change. Its strange because I constantly tell one  of my good friends that he doesn't have to live his life based on his parents ways of thinking and their principles and ideas. Parents are suppose to guide you, however,  a lot of times because they've grown up in such a different time and space, what they've done in their lives or the things that they believe are not always right for you. ( Anyway I can guarantee that the is A LOT you don't know about them, and A LOT that may shock you) That's something that I'm struggling with. I remember in my teen years battling with my mom about same sex marriage and how I felt that everyone had a right to marry whom they wanted to, or even about the boy that I dated who was three years older, or driving, or staying out later or even moving to New York by myself. Despite her best intentions, I felt that she acted irrationally at times because of the way she was raised and being her first born, I raged back against her, being defiant at times and really sticking to what I felt was right in my heart. Its strange when you realize that your parents aren't perfect, that they are human beings like the rest of us. (She did eventually come around in some of the areas)

My brother told me when my mother died that I had to stop fighting a battle that I wouldn't win, that battle was between my parents. But that's hard because of what I've seen and heard, their is still hurt and resentment there. Its also strange because I'm the type of person who can and will take a lot of crap and who really doesn't want to turn my back on people despite any pain that they may have caused me or the people that I love the most.  Since my final semester of college is about to begin in the next two weeks, I'm really trying to start figuring out where it is that I want to be post grad. I'm considering staying in New York and also coming home back to the Chi. I've even considered moving back home with my dad.

After talking to my sister and my cousins about it though, I think that moving back in may not be the best option for me emotionally despite the fact that I want to be a help to my father. However, sometimes no matter how hard it is, you have to do what is best for you. At a certain point, no matter how close you are with your parents, it may be healthier for everyone to have a space of their own.

I haven't one hundred percent made a final decision yet but I do know that where ever I go, I'll go with all my heart xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

The Return of The Saber Tooth Tiger

The woman is literally old as dirt

Like many young people who live away from home, I ventured back to the city I love for a little "Rest and Relaxation" and family time this Christmas break. I'd been so nuts this semester that I hadn't really stayed in touch with my family like I should have and I missed them. Now I don't know how your fam does it, but ever since I can remember we've always celebrated together as a big group on Christmas eve. (The 25th is a day strictly for your immediate family) Anywhoo, sister and I arrived over my auntie's house with a pan of my mama's prized dip and a cardboard box full of gifts (being the generous gals that we are). Going over to my aunts is a new tradition for us. When I was a petite babe, we use to squeeze into my Big Daddy's flat on the west side (Best memories ever) and then when he got older and eventually moved to Florida, the Christmas festivities were at my house. Right after Thanksgiving my mama would sprinkle her magic all over the house. We had THREE Christmas trees and we always had a bougie little Christmas party for all of our friends. (My childhood was pretty dope). Even throughout high school, I would look forward to the continuously ringing bell and the droves of family members in my house. But alas, we all grow up and this post is about Christmas 2011. So anywhoo, its a pretty chill xmas, my precious baby cousins are super enthusiastic about the traditional gift opening at midnight and all in all in  was a pretty chill evening, save a few tragic events of course.

All the xmas stuff in my house is Black, my mama even used brown magic marker on some stuff

So I don't know how I missed this I truly don't. I think I had still been walking around in a finals coma  and my exhaustion prevented me from connecting the dots.  The Saber Tooth Tiger had come to our Christmas eve festivities  ( Who is the Saber Tooth Tiger? ) Sister connected the dots for me this very evening at dinner. We were all sitting around on Christmas eve watching The Help. Suddenly there was a  terrible whiff of cigarette smoke in the house, (Now you know my auntie does not allow smoking in her house, mind you there are babies and a pregnant woman present). This old hag (who had been quite rude to me earlier when I fixed her a plate), went in my aunties bathroom and smoked a filthy cigarette.  I couldn't believe it,  how rude can you be?? I shouldn't be appalled this is the same 89 year old woman who put her lover (My uncle UW) out of her house because he'd taken to ironing too much. (No you did not misread this, she put the man out for excessive ironing). Like I said before, I had seen the old crow sitting at the card table and I had even spoken to her, I simply did not put two and two together.

This is mean....but I still thought it was funny

Other then that, my cousin drooped a baby, Iggy Boy acquired his own leather jacket which he refused to take for the duration of the evening  despite the fact that it was boiling and I yelled at my little cousin for claiming that her mother had come up with my mother's dip recipe. (It soon occurred to me that it was pointless to argue with an 8yr old)

The evening continued on in a less ridiculous manner, though some of my aunts did ridicule my hair and asked me how I was going to go to work looking so haggard. ( I suppose my poor feelings were a bit hurt as I've bought several new pairs of large earrings and am considering getting a custom wig made). Anyway, though family can sometimes be emotionally draining it was great to see them.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

My Fear Of Being Stuck

I love Chicago, its where I was born, where I was raised, this city had a profound impact on who I am as a woman and I'm always thrilled when my plane lands at the Midway airport and I get my first sniff of that Chicago air. My mama was born and raised her and she died here, there's so much history in this city for me. However, I think the profound thing about my mother and her life is that she was able to leave the city experience everywhere and everything in between. She lived in Cali for a huge portion of her life and she traveled everywhere. She use to tell me that when I was little, I was always tryna get away from here, always grabbing my coat to go with whomever was leaving the house, telling her, "I'll be back". And I guess I've always felt that way, I never wanted to be tied down here. Home  and family will always here when you return. Moving to NYC alone for school was one of the scariest things I've ever done but I wouldn't change it. I couldn't see living my entire life in the 773, there's way to much to experience in the world. I also think the best part of coming home is because you're nostalgic for what you haven't seen in a while.

I was thinking about this post because of a convo I was having with my bestie and because of a guy who was once extremely important to me.  I find more and more that people get caught up and their dreams get derailed for one reason or another, (they have kids, come home and never leave, let people with no ambition back into their lives, they just get stalled). I was always frightened of that because I know where I want to be in my life and I know what I want to do and what I want to see.  Being stuck here was never part of the plan, I never want to be stuck in a place doing the same old shit because I was comfortable. I know some people might think I'm being harsh but to me, being stuck in this small area would be a waste for me. Katt Williams said in one of his stand ups  that you should always be striving to do better and better, you shouldn't be on what you were on last year. I've always had this drive to do better for myself, to do better then my parents did and not waste the opportunities that I was given.

I think nowadays people get too caught up on what they're use to and that can be very dangerous. Even though home is where you're loved the most, it'll always be here when you're ready to return.

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

Cuz We Like To Party

Throwback Sophomore year of College SMH LMAO

So the other night me and the girlies ventured out to the House of Blues for a soiree:). Now usually I'm not really into the party/club scene (my favorite part of going out is usually putting my outfit and makeup together) but, since I'm getting older I've continually tried to step out of my comfort zone. (You gotta live, learn and grow peoples.) So we get there all looking flyy, smelling good etc and I must admit I'm a bit nervous about my hairs but I'm tryna psych myself out about it. So we get to the party, the venue is nice, the drinks are flowing an the people are pretty but,  unfortunately by the end of the night  I'd had a mediocre time. Now like I stated previously I'm not a big party person, I'm more of a bar, lounge, chill type of gal. At this party though I felt like I was in 7th grade.

It wasn't this bad, but I don't think anything could ever be this bad LMAO

Now at any party it takes a minute for it to get crackin' but it seems like this one didn't until right before we left at 2am. I was thrown off really bad because the dudes were standing around (looking right I might add) and just staring at females. So Ninjas can't ask women to dance now? A lot of ladies including myself and my girlies kicked it amongst ourselves, dancing, laughing and drinking while the dudes just looked dry as hell. Smh It was quite a lackluster evening,  we could've went to The Cheescake Factory for dinner and drinks for all that. So anywhoo, being loud like I am, I approached this dude that sat down near me and I asked him point blank. "Why don't dudes approach women anymore?" Dude was cool as hell, at first he gave me this BS answer like, "We'll Black women are just too strong and beautiful" (LOL he was clearly tryna butter us up especially, my bestie who he later proceeded to dance with for the remainder of the evening :)) But then he got really real, he was like honestly, dudes just gotta mature. So many females throw the coochie at you and you just take whatever, but as you mature you realize the benefits of having one women ( a classier women without a bustdown reputation). So essentially he told me, that dudes were gonna go for the women who looked open, because they were young and thats what they were looking for. (One poor trick literally had her vagina out smh,) And then he told me that I looked like I wasn't going at all. (I did appreciate that, I must admit). But he also said something interesting, that I've been hearing a lot lately. He said that I had to make it known that I was somehow interested in the dudes that were looking at me. Now I have been trying to be better about that lately.  However,  when I'm around dudes that I'm interested in I'm pretty shy which is strange because I am an EXTREME EXTROVERT , but I try to smile and look pleasant and not like I just stepped in dog shit.  ( I was also still a bit nervous about how my hair was being perceived though I thought I looked good). As I write this though I'm thinking that I'm kind of old fashion, I like the idea of men approaching women and honestly, I don't want a man who is too much of a pussy to do so and just proceeds to stare at me all evening without opening his mouth. But maybe thats just me :)

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

PS. I think that as women we need to stop being so harsh to dudes that do approach us that we want nothing to do with, they have feelings to. As the bestie and I were standing at the bar we watch a man buy this woman a drink and he asked her what she did (for a living). She told him "I can't tell you all that" and then ran off with the $10 drink that he'd just brought her.  Now I must admit I laughed and laughed but it was still harsh as hell and she shouldn't have done that.

My Impromptu Big Chop & Why I Still Lust After Weave

So last Friday, I headed over to Brooklyn to get my naps corrected. I hadn't seen my "real" hair in some time and I hadn't seen a relaxer since early May. My hair was about to my shoulder and my goal was to continue moving forward in my transition from relaxed to natural.  I have previously discussed why I decided to transition in Why I'm Going Natural & Its Trials and Tribulations

So anywhoo, I'm sitting in my hair stylist's chair with this partially natural partially relaxed mess on top of my head while she's trying to decide what the best course of action is to take. In the styling room next to me this woman is getting this elaborate lace front (now ya"ll know I love some weave but this was like ridiculous) and she was going on and on about how she's gonna get her breasts done and get lypo, and how when she exercises she wraps her body in saran wrap. Ummmm are u Fuc**** kidding me??!!!  Don't you have kids to take care of ?! I don't mean to be rude but you look like humpty dumpty, Bassica Washington, (The definition of Bassica) talking about you wear saran wrap on the treadmill?!!!.

Ms. Bassica "I don't need to sell sex to sell my music" Hilson  SMH

As you can assume I was too outdone and I told my stylist to chop that hot broken mess off of my head. Like I've said previously me and my hair have a sordid relationship, but as much as I love my long luscious weaves, I can't wear them for the rest of my life. And lord knows I need my edges I don't have Naomi Campbell money or prestige to go around thinking I'm still flyy with my edges all Mr. Clean bald. (I'm just saying).

She's still Flyy, but I can't go out like that

Don't get me wrong, I have a bag of weave in my drawer now that I paid a pretty penny for just waiting for my hair to grow out enough to put it on. For me personally, I just think its important to be able to look at myself in the mirror exactly how God made me and like what I see. I'm also excited about the fact that since the first time since I was about 17 my hair is totally healthy.

 Women like her keep me motivated :)

I think that people are just  misinformed about natural hair because there are women with natural hair (just like with any other kind of hair) who don't even bother to pick the lint out of their hair before they leave the house. SMH. I know I was deterred for a long time, you have to take care of your hair just like you take care of your body. Now I'm not gonna pretend that once my stylist cut it all off, I wasn't trying to figure out how I could live in the salon for a year until it grew back out. I was nervous as hell, like I said I hadn't intended on cutting it and I'm pretty feminine so I was unsure about how I would be perceived by others (Black Men in particular, look I'm just tryna keep it real).  But alas, I got myself together, threw on my faux fur and my mama's old sunglasses and trekked back to Manhattan. Of course I immediately rushed to the beauty supply and bought up about every natural thing I could put my hands on. (If you are newly natural please don't do that foolishness). Of course none of that mess worked for me and I'm right back with my Shea Moisture (the pink one for curls).  One thing I will say is that my hair is super easy and I feel very free. I would say that 6 out of 7 days I'm feeling the teenie weenie fro ( however, that one day out of the week, I'm plotting the quickest way to a wig/weave/braids, etc), but its a process and I'm working on it. I'm defiantly not one of the psycho natural women who preaches to other women, you have to do what works for you, and I never said that I would never relax my hair again either. I'm sure I'll be weaved up again by March. But the point is, I did this for me and only me.

How I LOVE it!!!!!

The response that I've received has been really great and I feel really blessed to have the friends and family members that I do. ( My boo told me that it was a 7 out of 10 lmao and he never lies to me.) I am also thankful to all those who chose not to say anything because they had nothing nice to say. I'm still trying to decipher the long stares I get from Black men on the street. Hopefully its because my flyness is radiating  toward them and not that they think I look like a bald Black chicken. But if that's what they think then smh, what can I do? Its not like they don't have the same kinky curly growing out the top of their heads.

xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox PS. On a more pathetic note I literally have no more excuses when it comes to exercise other then I'm just being a lazy cow.

The Most Stressful Semester of All Time

So I'm sitting here finally relaxing eating some chicken and rice from the halal cart around the corner (1,400 calories but that's a discussion for another day). I have one final left and I've just completed a rather long paper on Mad Men.

Obsessed, I cannot wait until it comes back :)

Exhaustion does not even begin to dictate how I'm feeling and as I'm sitting here I'm really trying to understand, how and the hell did I get through  this semester? I really don't know why it was so bad. I guess it was a combination of my RA job, my regular job, the internship of death and school. Ah yes on top of that I was applying to grad school at the same time.  Let me just say that being a real person is not cute and I've seriously reevaluated my life and decided that as of right now I have no desire to produce smh, especially not for non-scripted television. Its so hard to remain focused when you aren't passionate about what you are doing, especially when you want to shout at the people surrounding you that their "incompetence is unparalleled". So as excited as I was to begin this semster it was a shit show 80% of the time. However, the 20% of the time I spent laughing with my loves, or texting my bestie and my sister made up for everything. It even made up for the 8lbs I gained because I was so miserable I counted the minutes until I could escape from my internship to bolt to chipotle like they had the last burritos on earth.

Literally the best ish ever <3

( I only have three more lbs to loose :)) But alas here I am at the the tail end of this mess, I've gained back some semblence of sanity and chopped off all my hair (yeah me, rocking a teeny wennie afro)

and I guess all in all I wouldn't change the disaster that was the past fourteen weeks of my life. I'm back to exercising, back to eating like a normal human being, back to writing my blogs which I truly truly missed.  I have plenty that happened that I need to share so just stick with me and I'll tell you exactly like it is. In the meantime head over to www.blackgirlsareeasy.com, you'll scream with laughter. (Well I do at least).

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

My Love Affair With New York City

A city like New York, where everything's moving all the time at this constant driving place. Its like a live in organism, breathing and changing and over time your relationship to it becomes like this incredible romance. At first its intoxicating then instant and then slowly it becomes comfortable and safe. You have this cellular connection to it as if you've known each other forever like your oldest happiness. And sometimes you're on the outs and sometimes you're makings up and every now and then you catch yourself in this transcendent moment when you think to yourself..... Oh my God I'm madly in love with you.... and I always will be. -------(Dawson's Creek)

There's this episode of Sex and the City ("Anchors Away Season 5 Episode 1), Carrie is single again after her final disaster with Adien, she begins to look for the city for romance. She meets this beautiful sailor and he tells her he doesn't understand what she sees in the city. Though he's beautiful and sweet shes offended because New York has been there for her when no one else has.

I must say that I've been on the both sides of that issue. Growing up, I had this romanticized vision of what NYC was, I was drawn to it and once I got into college there I knew that's where  I had to be. Fresh faced and naive, I arrived in the fall of 2008 for my freshman year and my romanticized illusions were immediately popped. I can't blame the city entirely for this, I had personal circumstances to deal with and I had gone to NYC all alone, with no one but myself to lean on. I missed Chicago, so much i could hardly breathe at times. All through my first year of college, I felt that the city, my university and the people surrounding me were surely going to suffocate me. Not one to give up easily, I returned for a second year and because of my incredible roommate and becoming more involved, I slowly let the city in.

My true love affair, didn't begin until last year. My life, though still quite chaotic was slowly giving me a path to navigate through, I surrounded myself with incredible peole and I became intune with the city, slowly embracing what it had to offer. As I return for my final year, I reflect upon those days when I felt lost and sufficated and how I've come so far from that.

So Ninja's Are Sucking Toes In the Club Now ?

Bleech !!!!!!

(Ninja's are my replacement for the n word, courtesy of VerySmartBrothas, tryna still keep it ladylike :))

So the other night against my knowledge I was lured out to the hood clubs on the far South Side. I was initially horrified when I learned we were going to The Factory, smh.

It's a strip club 90% of the time and they have no liquor license SMH

(But as my bestie says I can't be bougie all of my life.)

Why can't I be bougie? Whitley was and she still found her Dwayne.

Anywhoo by the time we arrived I was excited (or the alcohol had excited me) only to have my bubble burst because there was a fifty dollar cover, yeah we definitely weren't paying that. Our plan B was to head over to Adrianna's where my beloved Rick Ross was suppose to be making an appearance. However, upon our arrival we learned that they had a forty-five dollar cover. (We promptly made a U-TURN). Plan C, we headed to Mr. Ricky's (yes I know, but it was an experience I shan't soon forget).

Despite the fact that the club was extremely female heavy (and pretty empty because of a shooting a few weeks ago) and there was a plethora of women tryna win $500 from Mr. Ricky himself by disgracing themselves on the pole, my besties and I still managed to get Mr. Ricky himself to buy us drinks. I think its mostly because our wardrobe hadn't come out of Rainbow, nor did we have on purple lace wigs.  After asking each of us our individual signs (SIDE EYE), he tried to convince us to get on the pole saying that we were bashful and that it was classy and  would attract men. I rolled my eyes at him, and told him, "It is not classy and I have a father."  Anywhoo, on the the toe sucking. (I shan't name any names). The besties and I were chillin at a booth, sipping on our drinks and feeling bad for the girl who literally fell off the pole when a quite drunken gentleman approached my very flyy and fabulous friend and asked if he might give her a foot massage, and did we want one also. Though the bestie and I declined, my fab friend obliged the man's wishes and he had her shoe off before he could even sit down good. The bestie and I sat together chatting and looking around, (You know doing the usual avert the eyes so not to cockblock) as my eyes shifted I suddenly realized that the man had my fab friends toes in his mouth and he was slipping off her other shoe to get to her other foot. The bestie and I realized with horror what we were witnessing. Coming to the realization that no sane ninjas were going to approach our booth with the freaky fool attached to my friends foot, the bestie and I jumped out of the booth and sat at the table directly behind it. The foot rubbing and toe sucking continued on for about fifteen more minutes, until we were given the signal to go and rescue my friend from the freaky fool. (During the toe sucking extravaganza a bouncer came past the booth and I guess he approved of what he saw because he didn't stop the fool). I'm writing about this hilarious adventure because it got me thinking that the thirst is real (as my cousin said). I'm not gonna say that men are the only ones out here thirsty and desperate, because well a woman astronaut drove across the country in a diaper for some man that didn't know she existed.  However, if you really want to meet a woman or even get in her pants, whatever happen to dinner and a movie, or even just drinks? Toe sucking from the get-go it just a bit much LMAO. Anyway it was a epic end to a Chicago summer, back to NYC in a few. xoxoxoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxo P.S. Why isn't the entire series of A Different World on DVD? annoyed.

Why It's Important to Have Standards When Dating

Why Vivica???? Why????

Let me begin this post by clarifying, I probably have no authority on this topic because men confuse me, this is just what I've noticed and how I really feel.

So the general public is telling women, Black women in particular that our standards are set too high and that if we continue to look for a "perfect" mate then we are destined to be alone. Honestly, I really don't know anybody looking for perfection, so in general that seems like a ridiculously inaccurate statement.  I know for instance that I'm not perfect, so to seek perfection would therefore be hypocritical. I'm just looking for someone to add his 50% to my 50% (romantical isn't it?).  Alas, while I do not seek perfection I do indeed have standards, but they are no higher then the standards that I set for myself as an individual. I'll admit that I've not always stuck to those standards, and usually in the beginning, the fellow and I get along swimmingly. However, because I've lowered my standards things usually implode resulting in foolery.com In the end I usually end up kicking myself for not sticking to my standards in the first place.

Some things simply generally disgust me. Well maybe disgust is a strong word. I'll just say that for whatever reasons these particular things that some men do turn me off to the maximum power and their is a 99.99% chance that  I wouldn't respond favorably to them if approached. However, to be fair to myself, I'm sure this is true of all members of the human race when it comes to their dating lives.  Some things that I generally can't wrap my mind around are men with nappy braids ( though I do have a slight fetish for dreads :)), those who wear thong toed sandals, men who wear wet wash clothes on their heads in the summer, smokers, men with long fingernails, and men with a general dirty look about them. (Whatever that may mean.)

I know its HOT but, come on.

However, I'm not a stigler for some other things that many women are a stigler for. Guys I talk to don't necessarily need to have a college degrees. Let me be real, the majority of the college educated dudes in my age group (especially  Black men who attend my university) are diva dudes who wouldn't know chivalry or how to treat a woman if it slapped them in the face. Its like they actually buy  into W.E.B Du Bois idea of the talented tenth, and they seem to be under the illusion that they are God's gift to Black Women. SMH. But anyway back to what I was saying, I honestly don't feel that college is for everyone. Some people have the intuition and networking skills  to do what they are passionate about without it.  However, in that same vain, I also know people (not just men) who completely lack ambition and I find that sad and pathetic. I personally know that I strive to do better and better with each coming year. I also know that I would never be content living paycheck to pay check or a dead end job. (Being comfortable in my opinion means having the means to get all the important stuff taken care of with room to party, shop, travel, etc.) Therefore, I would never be compatible in the long run with someone who was comfortable living that type of lifestyle. Being open does not mean completely throwing away all of your values.

You know what else it totally horrific? BAD KISSERS (Bleech). I dated a guy for a long time who was a bad kisser, silly me I thought it would get better.....yeah it definitely didn't.  Like Samantha said in Le Sex et Le Citie,  "if his tongue just lays there then what do you think his ... is gonna do?"

I say go ahead people lets set our standards and stick with them, it'll spare all of us a bunch of hurt feelings in the end.  If you don't date women who wear weaves, or men with kids, or Black women, or White men, or people who eat meat or, New Yorkers or whatever it is that boils your blood I say let it be known. I'm sure the people who fit into those particular categories are more than happy to move on to the next one, instead of dealing with whatever particular hang ups you may have about something that they aren't gonna change in the foreseeable future.

PS. I wrote the post mostly because I attempted to contemplate talking to perhaps the hoodest dude possible in the hopes of being more open in my dating life. I tried to wrap my head around the hood jewelry, the rims on his car, the permanent black and mild on his ear. But then he gave me a pet name......Blackberry -_-. I knew I couldn't deal from that moment forward.

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Why I'm Going Natural and Its Trials and Tribulations

Me and my Beloved Iggy Boy

"Grandma, your hair is kickin like Kung Fu Panda" (Iggy Boy Age 3, on seeing his Grandma's natural hair )

The creamy crack (relaxer) and I, have been in a monogamous relationship since I was twelve years old. Though my mother was hesitant, I begged and begged and I finally wore her down into letting me get a perm. Up until then, my hair was usually in french braids or micros or on special occasions, pressed and curled.

The infamous press in curl Xmas 95'

Micros

I had this idea in my head that getting my hair relaxed would somehow make it longer, or prettier, or more luxurious, or something. (IDK i was twelve, I was struggling).

Me in the Pink @ 12 yrs old. Hot mess.org

What it did however was just make me more annoyed with my hair constantly wishing it was better then it was.  I really didn't begin to understand what it meant to take care of it until my sophomore year of college (seven years later).  For the past few years there has been this movement in the Black community when it comes to women embracing their natural hair. I initially wasn't feeling it. There are crazy Black natural ninja women on You Tube who are psycho and unrelenting. Instead of talking about the positive aspects of having natural hair, they badger women who choose to put relaxer in their hair or who choose to wear weaves or wigs or whatever makes them happy. They are literally aggravating as hell, so I chose to continue to take care of my relaxed hair. However, my natural hair is very similar to how my mother's was, its not coarse at all.

MAMA (<3)

Though it's a bit difficult for me to manage because I'm not use to it, its really fairly simple to deal with it once you get the hang of it. I feel that because I have been taking fairly good care of my hair and it has yet to grow below shoulder level, that perhaps relaxer are too harsh for my hair. ( I also tend to get a bit over enthusiastic with the flat iron.) I decided to make a bold decision! I will transition my hair for a year, and see if there is any difference in the health of my hair. Since I wear sew- ins about half the time it shouldn't be a huge burden, but along the way I will be relearning my natural hair texture and if I hate it after a year then I will return to my beloved creamy crack. (Its a semi-permanent break up so to speak.) I chose not to do the big chop (cutting off all of my hair), because though I can pull off short hair I fell it may be too emotionally traumatic for me . ( And lord knows I need a break from emotional traumas.) So alas, my journey to natural has begun  (As of May 6, 2011) . I have my natural besties,  positive youtubers, my beloved weave and good products as a support system. In the end it really is just hair, and its up to each individual woman to decide what she'd personally like to do with her hair.

Here are some products that have really helped my thus far: The Shea Moisture Line

Cantu Shea Butter

Coconut Oil Wide Tooth Comb Weave :)

PS. Imma buy a box of Organics Olive Oil Relaxer just in case it gets real rough (ie. Iggy Boy comparing me to Kung Fu Panda), or if I just choose to spite some annoying ass holier then thou natural women SMH.

xoxxoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City

Mid-Summer Days Blues

So, I've been in kind of a funk for the last couple of weeks or so. I think its that point in the summer where you really want to just go back to school, and live you "other life" on your own accord. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Chicago and my friends and family but, this summer has not been the "vacation" that I hoped it would be.  SO in an effort to dig myself out of this funk, I took myself on a therapeutic shopping trip and hung out with my girlies. I think that the excessive heat and the day to day tasks that rest solely on me have really added to my irritation. My car and my phone also decided to implode around the same time. But since the weather is cooling, I've decided to put some good karma out into the world and make a list of the things that I'm most looking froward to in the coming months.

1. RETURNING TO NYC: I love New York, its a sexy ass town. Going back there means I get to return to the life that I've built for myself, and to the complete freedom that comes with living alone and making decisions solely for myself without any unwanted input for others.

2. APPLYING TO GRAD SCHOOL: Though I'm not looking forward to taking the GRE (Bleech). I am looking forward to sending off my grad school applications to Columbia, Northwestern, DePaul and of NYU. The end of undergrad is drawing near and I'm excited to see where my life will take me next.

3. INTERNING: I've only had one internship thus far, my sophomore year of college at a non-profit called New York Women In Film and Television (NYWIFT). It was a rewarding experience and it helped my narrow down what I really want to do in the film and television industry. I have a few internship applications lined up for the fall, so I hope that I will be able to snag one of them.

4. WATCH THE THRONE TOUR: If by the grace of God I can snag a ticket, I've opted out of returning home for Thanksgiving in favor of the concert. However, if I can't get one, then family and baked macaroni and cheese is always fab too.

5. MY NEW RESIDENTS: Being a RA is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, but its also one of the best jobs, and I fell in love with my resies last year. My new ones have some huge shoes to fill, so it should be an exciting year.

6. MY NEW WEAVE:): I've ordered my fall hair and its fab:) Plus I'm always enthusiastic about weave.

Off to for a Sunday afternoon BBQ with the fam BTW if you haven't seen Crazy, Stupid, Love IDK what you're doing with your life <3

I  would have the man's children, like for real <3

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

Things I've Learned Since Turning 21

So I finally turned twenty-one this past Wednesday, an event I've been waiting on for as long as I can remember. My actual birthday was pretty chill, I worked my nine to five and got lots of hugs from little children because I wore a ridiculous birthday crown/headband on my head that my baby cousins Ari and  Iggy boy picked out at the dollar store for me last year. After work, I headed home to freshen up and then off to my cousins house for pizza, family time and a Smirnoff Ice. (Yes, I realize that many of you reading this are horrified that this was my drink of choice on my actual 21st BDAY. My bestie expressed her disgust and horror during the moment but whatevs, I had to work the next day and that green apple flavor tasted delicious with Giordanos). The next day I saw the 12:10 am showing of Harry Potter with my sister and daddy, but Saturday was the day I looked forward to the most. I got off of work early that day and headed to the spa to get some girly mantiance  (Now I never go anywhere looking busted but, since I work outside with children all day, my Carrie Bradshaw swag has been some what lacking this summer). 7:30pm I met the fam and a couple of friends at Uncle Julio's for some delicious food and my real birthday drink, "The Swirl" (A layered drink of frozen margarita and sangria). After some antics that could only happen when my family is around, me, my bestie and the lovely Elisa, stepped out for a night on the town. Of course I drank too much too quickly (though I was warned), so I felt a bit sickish at the beginning of the night, but after awhile I got it together and we went dancing at a club and then over to a delightful bar with delightful air conditioning. I ended the night fairly early, arriving home at 3:30ish. I woke up this morning slightly hungover and I had a freak out because I was convinced that I had lost my licence the night before. (It was in the passenger's seat of my car). But I got myself together and me, sissy and my two cousins hauled our asses to Olympia Field's for my baby cousin's 8th birthday party (it was a SPLASH theme). As I scarfed down, nachos and an Italian sausage in my hangover haze, I reflected on what I had learned in the few days since turning 21 and I came up with the following:

1. AIN'T NOTHIN' CHANGED BUT THE DAY IT IS: My lovely Auntie B.B. called me on my actual Bday and left me a voice message that said something along the lines of "Happy Birthday Arami, I hope you're having a great day. I know you probably don't feel any different since you done did everything that a grown person would do." LOL I couldn't disagree because this is indeed the truth. The only difference is that I don't have to be paranoid about doing hood rat things with my friends since I am free and clear to do what I please.

2. I'M NOT A CLUB PERSON: Let me clarify, I use to think I was a homebody but that's not actually  the case, I'm simply not a club person. Though I had a good time at the club, I much preferred the night before and the dinner with the fam at Uncle Julio's. The night before, I had cocktails and chicken wings with my girlfriends at my besties house. We watched Katt Williams, Kevin Hart and the Chappelle Show. It was epic fun. I'm a people person and I love to converse with people sober or not.  In the club you can't hear shit and if the music ain't right you have to force yourself to dance. I'm much more of an bar, event, lounge, house party, small gathering type of gal. (Plus the attire worn at the club offends me to no end.)

3. DRUNK GIRLS IN THE BATHROOM WHO LOVE YOUR OUTFIT ARE THE BEST PART OF THE CLUB: After drinking my drink too fast, I headed to the bathroom upon arriving at the club. When I came out of the stall I was feeling a bit better, as I was washing my hands a very cute, very drunk girl squealed when she saw my shoes, and she went on and on about them and my outfit for about 10 mins. Though my stomach was still a bit queasy, she and her friends being super nice and friendly helped me get over it and over myself.

4. I DON'T LIKE MEN THAT EVERY ONE ELSE LIKES: Let me begin by saying that I have a fetish for Rick Ross. It all began with his verse in "Devil in A New Dress on Kanye's BDTF. My delight and lust for the delicious man caused my bestie to slave away making me a poster full of pictures of him that will be hanging over my bed in my dorm room this year. *****Snapping Back to Reality****** There's a delicious bouncer at the club we went to by the name of Big Mike. My bestie met him last month when she was there for her 21st and was delighted by his largeness and general sexxiness. When my flyy friend Paij saw him she wanted to know if he had a twin, brother or friend for her.  I therefore had geared up and had been waiting  to see him. When I did however finally see him, drunk women were throwing themselves at him as he stood their awkwardly. All attraction that I might have had towards him quickly faded. I'm always disgusted when women throw themselves at men, and though rationally I know it wasn't his fault (he was being paid to stand there after all). I was disgusted by him and refused to speak to him.

5. MEN COULD REALLY CARE LESS HOW MUCH GAS COST WHEN THEY'RE ON THE PROWL: One of the highlights of the night was walking the few blocks back to the car when we left the club on the way to the bar.  My girls and I chatted up roughly 8 men in the 3 and a half block walk to the car, Three of them literally put their cars in reverse when they rolled past us,  claiming that they would be going wherever we ended up. Like I said, I'm a people person, so I was delighted to  humor them. One 35 year old man declared in a very corny manner to my bestie that he'd chosen her. Me, Elisa, and ole boy he was driving with literally laughed in his face, he laughed too because he knew how ridiculous he sounded. I also obtained a free CD, gave out my number, scolded a man for smoking,  and ridiculed a nineteen year old boy for wearing a hair bonnet in public. ( Yes, this all occurred in 3 and a half blocks).

6. THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSE TO BE THERE ALWAYS SHOW UP (OR CALL OR TXT, OR COMMENT OR SOMETHING): I guess I still feel some type of way about this but I'm a Cancer so I'm sensitive. It's pretty self explanatory so I shan't elaborate. SMH being annoyed its part of the reason i drank too fast.

7. I'M IN DENIAL ABOUT HARRY POTTER ENDING: My sissy and daddy, we basically losing their shiz over the final movie, rushing me down Lake Shore Drive, rushing my parking at the theater and then making me get all the refreshments at the show. Harry Potter has been such a major part of my life (since I was eight years old), that I refuse to think about it being over and instead, I shall begin reading all of the book over in the next few weeks.

8. DEMETRIA L. LUCAS IS THE BOMB.COM: So I heard about this amazing woman on VerySmartBrothas  and I had seen her face on Essence. I discovered her blog A Belle In Brooklyn and I begged sissy to get me her book by the same name for my bday. I'm nearly finished with the book and I'm convinced that Ms. Lucas is one of the flyyest, most real women ever. I swiftly emailed her since one of my goals now is to stalk her life when I return to NYC.

9. CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE FUN AS HELL : I had a delightful time today in the 90 degree weather. I hauled my size ten booty up a children's blow up water slide in my auntie's backyard and slid down falling out of the slide and onto the grass. I gossiped with my fam, screamed, laughed, ate, ate some more, ate cake and ice cream, played with babies and kids and had an epic time. I hope I never get to "cool" for such events.

So these are the things that I've learned and discovered about myself in the four days that I've been 21. I guess your twenties are about finding out exactly who you are, and this is me.  I'm currently laying in my bed and I've popped in Love Jones for the trillionth time. I mean this face never gets old.

When is a man gonna cook me a cheese omelet? (Just for reference I like ham and bell peppers in it too, with a cup of coffee, cream and sugar.) Goodnight Love Bugs xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

You Change and You Grow, But We Were Young And We Didn't Know. (Why Being Single Is Ok and Sometimes Necessary)

My bestie JanellofALife and I have this reoccurring conversation on occasion about the single life and what it means to be in meaningful relationships. I'm going to say meaningful because, most of the time in your 20's you're just discovering who you are, and the people that you date during that time help define who you are. (I'm not saying that you can't find "the one" at this age, because I know a couple of happy married couples that are my age, but really what is the rush?) When I was sixteen I met a boy, and that boy changed everything for me. Looking back now it was only eight months out of my life, but through that intense and very blinding haze  I loved him and he loved me back). It ended as quickly as it began. just like most teenage love affairs but, my world will be forever shifted by that my first real relationship. Now I've had one other relationship since then, that to be honest is not worth mentioning and I've dated a couple of guys in between. But the majority of the last five years I've spent being single and I think because of that, I feel like I've gotten to know exactly who I am without anyone clouding my judgement. I have always been a firm believer in taking some time to be alone after the end of any relationship. I think its important to heal and evaluate what occurred in that relationship. I also think this time alone, prevents you from jumping back into something intense with the any fool that smiles your way.  I'm not going to sit here and pretend that being single  is all fun and games, of course it gets lonely and even dull. But embracing it can be very exciting. You can "do you" as they say without worrying what your partner might think. I thinking dating different types of people without a serious commitment is also very important. Honestly, I feel that society is trying to panic everyone into finding the perfect mate, but, you twenties should really be all about you, your career, education, travel etc. The majority of people I know my age in a serious relationship are continually going through some drama that makes my head hurt to just think about it,. Whatever happened to just having fun? Whatever happened to getting to know someone? The thing I realized and that my mama was always trying to tell me is that though relationships are work, no one should be making you feel bad and you should be happy or at the very least content 98% of the time. If  you're not happy really what are you doing? The point is I guess that at this age we're still growing and changing, you damn well better be sure that you're with someone who has the same ambition as you. Someone who can grow and change with you. I'm sorry for this sappy ass blog post, I've clearly been watching too much One Tree Hill and listening to too much Adele but, I think that if eventually (like in your late twenties and thirties) you want to end up with this amazing person then embrace your life right now do what makes you happy whether its with someone who can go on that journey with you or if you're attempting to navigate through your life by yourself. Nobody can fix you, you have to fix yourself.  It's 2011, we having a pretty decent life expectancy so why rush?

My Top Priorities For the Next Five Years

1. Graduate NYU 2. Grad School 3. My Own Apartment/Condo 4. Job I Love 5. Go to Paris 6. Louboutins