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A Word With Aramide
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So Now All Black Women Are Angry?

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I saw a status on facebook this morning on my way to work. It read, "Great, another angry black woman on the train...just what I need." I decided then and there that the "angry black woman" subject was something I wanted to discuss. To be real i don't know any "angry" Black women and I know ALOT of Black women. I've come across some bitter people in my time but bitterness is universal there is nothing racial about it. It disturbed me to read this status because it was written by a young Black male  whose mother probably raised him. It seems to me that because he had one poor encounter with a Black women, as soon as he sees one that may be having a less than stellar day he labels all of us as bitter and angry. Let me just say that I definitely don't consider myself to be angry or even bitter.  I will say, that I have felt bitter at certain points in my life but I've been through a lot so I think that I had a right to those moments. It seems to me that men, like the particular guy who wrote the status, either don't like when women stick up for themselves or they've sadly brought into the media's and Tyler Perry's stereotypes of Black women. (Obviously these are characters). Instead of admitting that their male pride was threatened because a woman (possibly a Black women) said something they did not like or agree with they choose to place all Black women in the same category.

Later at work I had another disturbing encounter that tested the "angry black woman" theory on me personally. We were at the beach and the weather was gradually getting worse. The head of  the lifeguards at the beach (who was a 45 year old Black man) approached me and a coworker to ask who was running the event. I politely pointed out the man who was running it, and I attempted to reassure the lifeguard man that we were not letting any children go near the water. Before I could even finish what I was saying the man stuck his hand in my face (yes this grown ass man who was all of 5 ft tall gave me the "talk to the hand") and ran off to my male co-worker. Flabbergasted, I stood there in shock with my hands on my hips and my mouth open. I chose not to be unprofessional and yell at the man, but when he approached me again I surely walked away. This would not have been the reaction of choice for many other women no matter what their race. No one has a right to disrespect another person in that manner, being disrespected can very well warrant an angry response, that does not mean that someone has an "angry". I would say to that person with this particular status, it is well known that you prefer women of different races and that is totally your right and your choice. However, please do not give black women labels to simply justify your actions. Be with who you want to be with, but grow some balls and realize that women will stick up for themselves in whatever fashion they feel is necessary. Or maybe you should open your horizons and begin meeting different types of women from different types of backgrounds. Its your own fault if you stay in the same few square miles, of course you're going to continue to see the same characters.

People come from many different circumstances and many of them have reasons to be upset with things that have occurred in their lives. It takes a lot of strength and work to be a positive person the majority of the time, and its something you work at on a daily basis

I'm not gonna post a bitter status like "here come some bum ass Black dude tryna talk to me" every time one does because all Black men aren't bums so I'm not going to imply that they are.

tags: Angry Black Woman, Chocolate Girl in the City, culture, my life, stereotypes
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life, Culture
Friday 07.01.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

Why I'm Possibly One Of The Most Dramatic People You WIll Ever Meet

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I pondered this blog topic as I raced to my bestie's house on Sunday evening so that I wouldn't miss Chris Brown's performance at the BET awards. To my sheer disdain when I arrived I had missed Breezy,  and the insufferable Alicia Keys was singing off key as she stood on top of her piano. My disgust for Ms. Keys does not actually stem from her music; Songs in A Minor and Diary were classics. It has to do with the whole Swizz Beats/ Moshanda drama. Now I will admit that everything the public hears about celebrity situations are hearsay, but for some reason whether its true or not, Alicia stooping to the level of potential homewrecker disgusted me to no end and I turn the channel whenever her music is played.  (Yet I'm now probably more obsessed with Chris Brown then I was before the incident.)

Things Fall Apart: I don't deal with stress or being overwhelmed in the best way. Instead of dealing with my issues I can usually be found hibernating in my room watching endless hours of Elliot Stabler on SVU, or Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte on Sex and the City. For example, the night of the BET awards I arrived home to my abode around 2am. After stumbling up to my room I realized that the ceiling in the room next to mine had collapsed and what stood before me was vast amount of itchy roofing material. My mind literally could not conceive what was happening, so instead I froze and simply stood there in horror for about ten minutes before my mind was able to tell my body to move.

Me & Crackberry: Living without my Blackberry is like being sucked into a black hole of death :(. A few weeks after I returned home from NYC to the Chi, I dropped my Blackberry in a puddle. It worked fine for about an hour and then it died. It was a devastating loss, and I had to wait 24hrs to get another one (for free :)). This new phone that AT&T gave me constantly freezes  and causes me to seriously consider chucking it across the room about one million times a day. I know its just a phone but, if I pay for it why should I have to go without it for even a second. Dramatic I know.

Looking Flyy: I already discussed in previous blogs that I like to go to regular ass places getting my Carrie Bradshaw on. Because of this bougie little habit, when I have to go out looking regular as hell, I'm usually offended when people want to talk to me.  Example: Today I had to stop at the grocery store to get my Daddy some milk on my way home from work. Mind you, I had on my horrid park district shirt (no its not yellow), some shorts and some converse (my sole pair of gym shoes). I had been outside playing with children all day so you can infer how I was looking. I parked my car and attempted to run into the store as quickly as possible with my shades still on.  Instead I was interrupted from my undercover operation by "Wassup Black, That's A Nice Skin Tone You Have. Let Me Give You My Card". I'm sorry when was any of this ever acceptable and when did women start calling men???!!!! But alas that's neither here nor there but men will approach you when you look as busted as possible. As you have probably assumed he got my signature side eye from under my shades as I rushed in the store before anyone on 71st street could recognize me. (Dramatic I know, luckily I wasn't hungry because he would've really been insulted.)

The  2001 Mercury Sable: I've previously discussed my hatred of driving and since I was nearly killed on Tuesday morning by a #14 Jeffery Express bus, I shall go into no further detail.

Le Cinema: I must be on time for movies. I am not one of those Black people that can just wonder up to the show and catch whatever movie is playing around the time I arrive. I CAN'T STAND THAT. As a cinema studies student, half of the fun of going to movies for me is seeing the previews. This is dramatic I realize but, if I miss the previews I'm going to have a tude.

Weave Snobbery: Just another one of my bougie little habits, my love for weave  has spawned a love for virgin tresses (whether is Indian, Brazilian, whatever.) This means that I rarely buy hair from the beauty supply store. Standing in line once at the infamous Wigs Plus on 71st, a lady asked me where I'd gotten my hair from and how much I spent. When I told her she looked horrified and applaud, she even ridiculed me for spending so much. I politely smiled and nodded but I deeply wanted to say you can put that $10 pack of 14inch in your hair if you want to. Just don't be mad when you're real hair falls out underneath cuz you got a scalp infection from itching up a storm. I didn't say such a thing of course because that would have been rude.

I LOVE Black Movies (And TV): I Love them, I will say Tyler Perry is questionable at times but I'll still watch them (perhaps just on Netflix) and I'm always offended by anyone who thinks that they are unnecessary or stereotypical all the time. Just because you haven't heard  of something or don;t understand a reference. does not mean it does not exisit. I've had many a dramatic argument over this.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

tags: Black Girl, Chocolate Girl in the City, Dramatic, my life
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Thursday 06.30.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

Flip Flops Are Not Shoes and Other Things That I Believe With All My Heart

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How my sissy and I feel about nearly everything in life :) (Photo from her tumblr)

1. FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES: There was once a time I shall admit, when I wore flip flops just like any other person. I would wear them out of the house, to the mall, to dinner, etc. But that was when I was 14. Seven years later, I can honestly say, I've worn flip flops only around my house (dorm), and to the beach, and other pool areas. There are so many beautiful shoes to be worn. (Check out endless.com and shoedazzle.com, two of my favorite shoe places).  Why then people, are we wearing impossibly thin slices of rubber on our feet that give us no arch support and are about as sexy as an farting old man.  Yes, I shall admit they are comfortable, but so is my large pink bonnet that i wear on my head at night and I don't subject anybody but my family to that. (Also, I own exactly one pair of gym shoes which I wear to the gym and/or my summer job which requires me to be outside all day. YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME WITH THEM ON ANY WHERE ELSE.)

2. I WILL NOT HAVE CHILDREN FOR AT LEAST 10 PLUS YEARS: I love children ....for about one hour, then their cuteness dissipates and they become annoying slobbering blobs. I shall be honest, I'm selfish I like to shop, sleep, and do what I want to do when I want to do it such as hoodrat things with my friends. Children ruin all of my favorite things and their strollers block the good makeup aisle in Sephora, Props to all those women who have, love, and care for their little ones. Just don't drop them off at my house.

3. DRIVING IS "FOR THE BIRDS" SMH: There are little activities I hate more than driving. Let me give you some background. I was a late bloomer when it came to driving. I got my license a few days before my 18th birthday and only really started driving seriously last summer. I'm a halfway decent driver but I seriously cant deal with traffic, the stop and go, paying for gas, and the other numerous ridiculous things that come with having a license and a vehicle. I'll be a passenger in some other person's ride any day.

4. THE SITCOM FRIENDS IS POSSIBLY THE DULLEST THING THAT EVER CAME ON TV: Its about as boring and as unfunny as possible, none of the characters are likeable and there was about one black person on there the entire ten years it was on the air.

5. MEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND: I understand that everything they do is motivated by their pursuit of the panties, but I'm still at a loss for what goes on in their heads.

6. DRESSING UP TO GO TO REGULAR ASS PLACES MAKES LIFE INFINITELY MORE FUN: This is basically my mantra and the mantra of my besites. I'm not quite sure how we came up with it but alas, my bestie describes such an occasion on her blog JanellofALife. Apparently I'm the worst when it comes to this as I've taken to ridiculing people who look extra regular and choose to wear things like flip flops and large white tees into decent places. Mostly its possibly because I'm bougie as hell which I admit at all times.

7. MEN OVER THE AGE OF 18 SHOULD NOT HAVE BRAIDS: I shall start by saying that this is a particular preference of mine so you are free to disagree. I just don't understand how you expect to go to work and have people  take you seriously looking like a ten year old boy. I'm also turned off by any man who take more time with his appearance then I do, and who is more high maintenance then I. SMH I'm the one with the ovaries.

8. AT ANY MOMENT,  YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF & LIKE THE COMPANY THAT YOU KEEP: I think as human beings we are constantly searching for someone to be there next to us whether its a significant other, child, parent, whatever. I think because of this and because of society, people forget to learn who they are as individuals and they become absorbed in some other person's life.  Knowing exactly who you are and being true to that, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Having any type of relationship that is worthwhile, healthy and meaningful will only come out of that deep understanding. Do things for yourself, have something that you love to do and as Very Smart Brothas said, "don't be infecting the dating game with your uninteresting ass e coli".

9. MY MAMA WAS THE BEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET: My mama passed away last summer from breast cancer. Its so weird when you're young, you think that your parents are invincible. As you grow older, you learn that they are only human like the rest of us. My mama taught me everything I know about life, being a woman, loving myself and the list goes on. One of the best things she ever said to me was, " when someone shows you their ass you pay attention and remember that is exactly who they are, and that's how they will always be." She also told me that fat meat was greasy, and gave me and my sister "ghetto" names that she use to holler out in the grocery store. (Mine was Cokeitha) LOL. I love you Mama

10. THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE (BESIDES FAMILY) ARE IN YOUR LIFE FOR SEASONS: In grade school when I came home everyday, I use to tell my mama what happened that day, and when I described people I use to say "my friend such and such". My mama use to say, "Girl don't you know everybody is not your friend." No truer words were ever spoken. I only have a few true friends and those people know who they are. Tryna turn you ratchet (but very fun) acquaintances into your friends is a grave mistake. You tell these tricks one thing and the next thing you know everybody and their babymama knows your business. Unacceptable.com Have fun with these people but discuss nothing  except what happened on the Kardashians last week.

11. WORKING ON SATURDAYS IS THE DEVIL: So my summer job schedule  is Tuesdays- Saturdays from 9-5 (except for this and next weekend when I have to work until seven BLEECH) Saturdays are meant for sleeping until one pm, lounging about in your nuddy pants, eating more then the allotted calories for the day, speeding your check at H&M, catching up on the tv you missed during the week, and MARGARITAS. Work should never be involved.

Just a few of my philosophies on life

xxoxoxoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

tags: Black Girl, Bougie Black Girl, Chocolate Girl in the City, my life
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Saturday 06.25.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

My Thoughts on the "Dark Girls" Trailer

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So, I don't know if you've heard, but there has been a lot of buzz surrounding this upcoming documentary by Bill Duke and D. Chassin Berry entitled Dark Girls. Watch the Trailer As one of the darker black women that I know I feel like I have some authority on the topic. Let me start off by saying, I understand what they were trying to do when they made this documentary and I also understand that these are only a few clips from a much larger film. So let me get into how I feel so far, I really really wanted to like this trailer and feel inspired by it, I really did. Instead I feel upset and somewhat insulted by what I saw.  During my childhood, I will go ahead and say it, one of the biggest insults that got thrown my way related to the how dark my skin was. From what I can remember it was mostly about how dark my hands and feet were compared to my classmates and other kids. I think being called a "burnt duck" because I was also rather thin and had glasses is probably the biggest insult that I can recall.  Because of incidents like this, I can say that I have had the experience of others trying to make me feel bad about myself, because of their own personal ignorance and hang ups. However, as the women began to talk about how their parents (their mother's especially) also felt that their dark skin was somehow inadequate or unclean I began to lose interest. (Some people should never have kids). I realize that many of these thoughts and feelings have been historically ingrained into the Black community and the result is a rather large chunk of color struck Black people. However, one thing that my wonderful parents ingrained in me was how beautiful I was as a person inside and out and how beautiful my skin was as well. I suppose I never personally had a problem with my own skin color, instead it also seemed to bother other people. I remember once in about seventh grade, a boy asked my why I always wore so many bright colors when I was so dark. ( If you know me you know that I love my bright ass colors.) I suppose that comment made me feel some type of way because  I began to wear only dark colors for the remainder of the year until I stopped and considered things for myself. I came to the conclusion that I loved color so I was going to wear it and I felt silly for letting someones rude comment influence me.  When it comes to dating Black men (which I must say are the only men I have yet to date), I am mostly approached with lines that have to do with the color of my skin. My personal favorite was "Aren't you afriad all that chocolate is going to melt in the sun?" Sometimes fools even just shout CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!! at me as I go down the street.  I can go ahead and say that I suppose it is and exotic attraction for some men which is cool. (Its that same thing when men like multiracial ambiguous looking women.)  However, others are just creepy as hell and have a dark skin fetish (which trust me is GROSS). It seems to me though that most me are just attracted to women in general and have no regard or preference for skin color etc :). Others may just simply have a preference for lighter skin women which is also cool because  if he's not looking at me then I'm certainly not looking at him. Instead of just stating this fact, the film directors had to show a clip of this ignorant buffoon saying that dark skin girls look funny besides him, and he likes light skin girls with long hair don't care. To which I would have politely responded "Negro please, you have on a five-doller hoodie from the beauty supply store", but that's neither here nor there. He could've just said he preferred lighter women. What his fool ass failed to realize is that beauty does not come in a certain shade or with a certain hair length or texture, there are plenty of unattractive and attractive people in all categories.   For example once, this fool at my school who is right about my skin tone grinned up in my face and told me that I was, "the most beautiful dark skin girl he had ever seen." Apparently he expected me to somehow be grateful and happy that he'd looked my way. Instead, I gave him my signature side eye and look of disgust and I promptly walked away.  In the Dark Girls trailer the women go on to say that though men might approach them it was always on some sort of down low type of thing. This is the part where I was most insulted and annoyed. I feel that it is each individual person's responsibility to build up some adequete self worth and self esteem for themselves. One woman talked about how some dude she talked to, would only meet her after school and around the corner and how she was never in public with him. Personally, I feel like thats what you chose to accept and with any woman if you allow a man to treat you any type of way, then he will. So in that I'm sorry I cannot understand why they would allow themselves to be treated any less then they are worth. I do realize that self- esteem is also an uphill battle for most ( I had my own struggles in puberty and even at times in high school) but, we are all human beings here so being treated like one is the first step. (Also poor self- esteem is never attractive). The trailer goes on to discuss how the subject of hair length and even texture is also a subject that can be talked about when discussing skin color. Like I discussed in my previous blog Hair my own hair was always somwhat of a sore subject with me and it is something that I have to personally work on. However, hair length has nothing to do with the color of your skin, many Black women simply do not take care of their hair properly and the constant manipulation into different styles is also harmful at times. All of the really long haired Black women that I peronally know have actually brown to dark-brown skin.  The trailer then went on to show this ignorant broad who was absolutely ridiculous.com saying that "natural hair looks unclean." I'm not even going to waste my time being annoyed, I shall simply blame her lack of education and not comment any further. The trailer ended with a woman discussing racism among members of the Black commmunity which I agree is a big problem.  Admitly, we like to hate on one another and that becomes problematic when our children are still picking the white doll from the Brown v. Board experiment sixty-plus years later because they feel that white or lighter skin is better. Once we as a people stop buying into that foolishness then other poeple will too. I also wholehardly disagree with the woman who says that we in the Black community have no tangible connection to one another. If you are Black and you don't claim it  then that seems like a personal issue to me. However, the rest of us can watch Black films and television shows and even comedy specials and at once have an intimate understanding of the content and subjects because of our collective memory and experiences. (Secretly, when I'm lonely for Black people at school (which is about 3% Black) I watch episodes of Soul Food the series).  Like I've said everyone has their prefereces and there is nothing wrong with that, but as a beautiful dark skin black woman with some decent self- esteem I'm not going to pretend that I have problems getting men or that I somehow feel less than because of my skin tone.  (If dark skin Black men are seen as some of the most beautiful people in the world, then their feminine counterpart should be right there with them.) If you want to buy into the fact that its harder because you are darker then by all means go ahead and sit at home alone, or let men treat you any type of way. The only person that you are hurting is yourself.  I really hope that the documentary is much more well rounded and less sefl-deprecating then the trailer because thus far, it seems like a pity party that I will not be attending.  Anyway as my mama use to say, "Good Black Don't Crack". Watch the trailer and let me know what you think. xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

tags: black film, Chocolate Girl in the City, Dark Girls, film
categories: Film/TV
Tuesday 06.21.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

"Instead of A Cougar She's A Saber Tooth Tiger" and other Foolishness that Occurs at Family Barbeques

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Yesterday, my little sister, bestie and I hauled our bottoms out to the burbs for my cousins husbands annual barbeque birthday bash. They are always hilarious, our families as well as their work family comes together for a twelve hour long shindig. The afternoon started off in rare form of course. I missed my exit on the expressway and a 20-30 min ride turned into an hour and a half extravaganza of my sister and  I wanted to stab one another in some sort of 18th century duel. But alas all was well, we found our way to our location and by then I was in dire need of a drink. My beloved three -year baby cousin Iggy boy was munching on an m&m cookie when we arrived, and I asked him to go and get me one. The fooleery that is my life began when he returned with a horrid dry ass oatmeal raisin cookie in the palm of his grubby hand. (Why are oatmeal raisin cookies even made? They taste like death.) After eating the dry cookie to appease the poor babe, the bestie and I made our way to the garage where the food was being served, And to our dismay there he was "The Runnin Man" from K-Town, or at least that's what he told us. A self-proclaimed ladies man who decided it was his duty to be as creepy as possible for the rest of the evening. Upon entering the garage he promptly stared at both of us individually as he looked us up and down. But this wasn't even the worst part, in the heat of the 80 degree weather, this fool had on a three piece leather suit (he'd taken of the jacket to reveal only a leather vest underneath, no shirt -_-) with red gator shoes and a playboy bunny phone case. The man was so ridiculous that we laughed in his face as he went on and on about his escapades with women. The most horrid part was the realization that this man actually took himself seriously, he even forced us to take a picture (luckily he cut my head off in the photo). My other cousin told him that if he took her picture she was gonna punch him in the head. LOL. We spent the rest of the evening avoiding him like the plague.  After the rest of my family arrived (3-4 hours late) HIGHlarity ensued. We watched a portion of the show Single Ladies (peep that on VH1 if you haven't already, I swear every black actress, actor and  celebrity is on there and the storyline are pretty good), and we ooggled at Stacy Dash's beauty, As my cousin said don't hate "the bitch is fine". We discovered that the only way to tell her age was to look at her neck. LMAO. (But really whose focusing on necks these days?) We also reminisced on the days when one of my cousins use to date a girl with "shark teeth" and how the rest of my cousins use to sing the JAWS theme song whenever she would come around LOL (I never said my family was nice). The topic of conversation shifted to one of my uncles who has an 80 year old "lady friend". My other uncle (who has bug antennas tattooed on his forehead) said "Instead of A Cougar She's A Saber Tooth Tiger" OMG let me tell you after a few jello shots that was about the funniest thing I've ever heard in life. I love to hang out with my family, though we aren't perfect we always find a way to have a good time. When I'm at school for months at a time  I realize just how much I love and miss them. After cracking on my uncle's new perm (which makes him look like a crackhead who just entered into the pimping game without enough cash to keep his hair up. Yes its the same uncle with the antenna tattoos) and sneaking my piece of my Auntie B.B. highly coveted pound cake (which has been fought over on numerous occasions). I headed home (this time in the right direction), with my sister and my bestie in tow, stomach full (jerk chicken, ribs, spaghetti, italian sausage,  macaroni and cheese, shrimp, my mama's famous dip made by me, green beans, popsicles, corn, etc) with a smile on my face. I think that wherever your family is, is home. And as my mama use to say, "Home is where you're loved the most" I hope everyone else had a lovely father's day weekend.

xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City **** Time to eat my Auntie B.B. Cake :)*******

tags: BBQ, Chocolate G, family, my life, Summer
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Sunday 06.19.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

Why I Hate Sleepovers and Ketchup Among Other Things

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So yesterday, around 1am I was lounging in my bed eating a bowl of cream of wheat and a reheated grands biscuit from breakfast while watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent. (Don't judge I know I'm weird.) Anywhoo, my besties texted me, they were enthralled in one of the Harry Potter flixs at a sleepover and they yelled at me for not being there as I DETESTE sleepovers with all of my might. I promise you I will find a way to get home no matter what the hour or the weather before I willingly spend the night at someone else's home. Why do you ask? Well let me start from the beginning. My parents as lovely as they are, forbid me to attend sleepovers in my childhood, just like it was forbidden to watch television on the weekdays and PG-13 movies before I was actually thirteen. Back in the day (the 1990's), I would go to a sleepover and my mama would pick me up just as the other girls were falling asleep. I use to beg and cry and scream and shout and talk about how my life sucked pre-teen angst etc etc. But I got over it eventually. Once I entered high school, the life long ban on sleepovers was lifted, but by then I had no desire to go anyway. I much preferred my own bed, with my bowls of cream of wheat and lipton tea along with my episodes of Dawson's Creek and Soul Food. On very very rare occasions I am forced out of my comfort zone but that usually means I spend the entire night awake in someone else's bed, counting down the hours until I can make an excuse to go home. That my friends is why I hate sleepovers.

Ketchup is also just very foul and nasty and I'm not sure why people subject themselves to it. The same can be said for Gweneth Paltrow, Keri Hilson and Kate Hudson (I really don't understand their purpose in the world). But mayonnaise on the other hand it quite DELISH <3 Whatever tickles your pickle I suppose. xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

tags: Chocolate Girl in the City, my life, things i hate
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Friday 06.17.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

If Chivalry is Dead then I'm Embracing the Single Life

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Because these are my last days off before my summer job begins on Monday, I was lounging around and reading old posts from my favorite blog Very Smart Brothas If you haven't checked them out then do it NOW you NEED THIS IN YOUR LIFE. Anywhoo this particular post was about the dreaded diva dude which I'm sure every woman of dating age no matter what race has had the misfortune of coming across. (Peep the Post) Though the entire post was HIGHlarious as usual. I was most interested in bullet point number five. "They are not chilvourous and proud of it". I'm sorry when did this come the norm. Perhaps because Nightline and fools like Steve Harvey continually tell Black women we need to adjust ourselves if we expect to get a ring on it, when clearly numbers wise we seem to be the ones with our lives together, ring or no ring. (And for that matter I know many young Black couples who are married) But that's another discussion for another day. Some dudes now a days act like you expecting them to take you out for a decent meal is like asking for a kidney, their life savings, mama's address and last name. Really dude? You asked me out I was simply expecting some crab cakes from red lobster and maybe a sprite. Let me set the record straight, I have a job I work very hard and can afford to take myself out whenever I wish but if I am invited out a date I expect a man to at least cover the meal. ( Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be polite and reach for my wallet I'm definatly not stuck up or snobby but I got all dressed up to go Dutch? SMH I dont think so. I could've ordered a pizza and watched Love Jones) Going DUTCH is NOT A DATE especially on the first outing (Yes I realize that this is a recession but dudes need to learn to be creative with their money, ever heard of asking a woman out for just dessert? Or maybe go out to dinner and rent a movie from Netflix instead of spending $12.50/person on the show) I bring this subject up because this dude I talked to years ago had been texting me talking about how he wanted to see me so bad etc (side eye). I'm like cool we can go to dinner. He then precedes to text 50/50? I'm like negative. He goes "you just a friend". (Barely) But, the fact of the matter is I'm still a woman and you the one tryna see me. After he called me cheap I promptly told him I was more than happy to take myself out whenever I wished he told me to go then and I told him that I would. (Yes I know a waste of my good unlimited txt msg plan). A week later after not hearing from me he txt me threatening to delete my number. Which he probably did, but whatever. Maybe I'm crazy but thats crazy ridiculous. Dudes barely get out the car and ring the damn bell or open doors anymore. I do realize that all men are not like this, the last dude I dated was really cool and very chivalrous and we're still cool now which I appreciate. Maybe its true and its hard out here for women these days but I'm def not gonna lower my standards cuz you a fool or some naive woman (yes I was naive once too, let you get away with your foolywag). As verysmartbrothas so wonderfully stated, part of being a grown man (and a grown woman) is doing the right thing without any expectation of acknowledgment or reward. DELAYED GRATIFICATION= MATURITY. Therefore I will not be going out with any of these fools and other single women I hope you don't either because like me I'm sure you can head over to the Cheesecake Factory with your girls and order your stuffed chicken enchiladas with a sprite any time you wish.

tags: Chivalry, Chocolate Girl in the City, dating, my life, Single
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Thursday 06.16.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

Embracing the Bikini

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Let me start of by saying, prior to last week the last time I wore a bikini I did not have breasts. And I've had a sizable cup size for damn near a decade. I relized after dragging myself back to NYC after a five week long winter break in January that I had gained a few pounds around my midsection. NOT CUTE.edu (Tamar Braxton). I've never been one whose worked out on a regular because quite frankly I don't like it and i don't care to sweat out my hairs. But it was time to put my big girl panites on, be an adult and put my health first. I began my journey with Yoga 3-5 times a week and after a little over a month of this I began doing cardio and strength training videos in my room and I must say it paid off. I was looking good and feeling good working out for about 45mins a day up to six times a week. This lasted of course until the end of May when I returned home to my beloved Chi City. (I actually do have an excuse I had an allergic reaction and my skin is still a bit irritated so sweating right now would set me off into an itching frenzy. But that is neither here nor there.) Anyways the girlies and I hauled our asses to the beach and had a wonderful time. Sadly because the bikini has been worn and I look halfway decent in a bit of the Motivation has passed :( I promise i'm going to jump back on the bandwagon as soon as this rash has cleared completely. Anyway I got in the bikini and that was my goal so I'm quite pleased. BTW I really have no excuse i get workout tapes for free on NETFLIX instant and i have a weave in my head. Smh Oh well tis the life xoxoxo Chocolate Girl

tags: bikini, body image, body love, Chocolate Girl in the City, my life
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Thursday 06.16.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 

Hair

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As a Black woman I think that I, like other Black women hold the sole authority on our hair and any subject regarding our hair whether its going natural, chemical application, weaves etc. Even when Black men begin to get too invested and opinionated with regards to our hair it becomes a sticky situation and usually means that their gonna get the side eye from me. Let me just go ahead and say it. I AM A WEAVE-AHOLIC I love me some weave 12-14 inches curly, wavy or straight Indian, Brazilian, or Malaysian. I am also relaxed and shall remain that way indefinitely. This is not to say that I am against natural hair. I think that natural hair is freakin GORGEOUS two of my besties are rocking their natural hair and i must say honey it is FIERCE. I had my natural hair until I was 12 years old and ever since then ive been bathing my tresses in a chemical bath of relaxer. Admittedly, I do have some personal hair issues. My mama (may she rest in peace, I love you mommy) always had long gorgeous hair before she got sick and I just never had the luxury of having that. No one in my immediate family ever really knew how to take care of hair very well so I basically rocked hella french braids in my childhood, I graduated to microbraids and then to kinky twist, put the creamy crack in and then in college I discovered the sew in weave. I am in no way embarrassed by my "real" hair. I take very good care of it, its a nice grade and its usually between shoulder and neck length. But to be real, its just not my swag. I let my "real" hair swing free for about a month or so every time I take out a weave but I must admit I'm always anxious to braid it up again. Weaves just make me feel good, i like them and they stay looking right so I'm personally offended by anyone who attacks me or any other woman for choosing to wear them. This especially rings true when it comes to Black men who act like weave offends them. Or who try to convince their significant other not to do what makes her happy (can you say CONTROL issues). Everyone of course is entitled to their preferences and opinions. I personally do not think grown men should rock braids but, if that's their swag then go for it i'm certainly not going to attack the brother or try and change him, My preferences is simply for dudes with fades. It also confuses me when other women attack one another for doing what they want with their OWN hair. Frankly its not your damn business and your focus should only be whats atop your own hair. All this is just to say that it is JUST HAIR, nothing more, nothing less. I watched my mama lose all of her hair to breast cancer, all of that beautiful hair that i admired all of my life. But you know what? My mama was still Fierce bald head and all (she refused to wear wigs she said they made her hot...literally). I'm going to end this post by recommending Chris Rock's Good Hair. I know some Black women were offended by what he said in the film. Personally I dont understand why, its really not that serious and I thought it was HIGHliarious. Whatever you want to do with your hair just make sure you look damn good doing it xoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

tags: Black Girl, Chocolate Girl in the City, Hair, my life
categories: Chocolate Girl's Life
Thursday 06.16.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
Comments: 1
 

Love Jones

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Basically my favorite movie of all time. As a Cinema Studies student I study films and television and trust me when i say there are some films that if i never saw them again for the rest of my life it would be entirely too soon. SMH i mean seriously have you ever had to stare at the same image from an hour as the camera slowly panned out. LOL Im not spending a ridiculous amount of money at NYU to fall asleep in class. Anyways back to the best movie of all time. I literally could watch this movie every single day and never grow tired of it. This may sound pathetic but I will go ahead and admit that I spent this past Valentines Day alone in my NYU dorm chowing down on Mexican Food and watching the film for the millionth time. It was a fabulous time. Anywhoo if you're interested and I hope that you are peep the review below and then if you haven't seen it NETFLIX that bad boy ASAP:

Love Jones

In describing her experience with Black Cinema, Black female filmmaker Julie Dash (Daughters of the Dusk) said, “…some people assume that because they’ve never seen or heard of something then no one has…it doesn’t exist.” It seems to me that according to Hollywood, Black people don’t even like one another, which means there is certainly no room for love and romance between them. What is so brilliant about Theodore Witcher’s first and only film is the authenticity that he brings to the screen regarding the lives of urban young Black people; an authenticity almost never seen in Hollywood. According to the scholar Amiri Baraka, “Witcher apparently wants us to recognize these verbal exchanges and their accompanying bodily attitudes with a contemporary performance–oriented African American culture.”

Using black and white photographs of Chicago’s still very racially segregated South Side, Love Jones opens, immediately thrusting the viewer into the urban space of Black Chicago in the 1990’s. Darius Lovehall (Larenz Tate) meets Nina Mosley (Nia Long) in a neo-soul poetry café. Neither individual is too much focused on their love life; their careers seem to be at the forefront of their consciousness. But alas, we humans typically succumb to the desires of the flesh. Initially, their relationship is not really a “love thang”, though the sex is good; Nina and Darius realize their connection is a bit more than causal.

What I find most interesting about the film is that initially, Witcher allows his characters to step out of their traditional gendered roles. Nina approaches Darius outside of the poetry café on the night that they first meet. Despite the fact that he is with a group of his mostly male friends, she boldly checks him out, giving him the once over, typically reserved for the male gaze. Darius on the other hand, though masculine in his assertiveness, is also depicted as extremely sensitive. On their first date, he’s attentive and caring to Nina, even cooking her a cheese omelet the next morning. However, as their relationship continues, the couple reverts back to their traditional gender roles, which makes for the main conflict and tension in the film. Witcher has enough confidence in his material and in his audience to allow us to watch the relationship deteriorate, moving from the new and exciting to the mundane and emotionally unbearable.

The only major issue that I have with the film is that during a hiatus with Darius, Nina goes out with his homeboy Hollywood. Really?! Witcher loses me for a moment here. Nina reacts as if she does not realize Wood has a sexual interest in her and she’s simply being led to believe that they are just “chillin”. Witcher in this instance strips Nina of any redeeming qualities that I so related to, she’s suddenly pathetic and ridiculous seeking any male attention that comes her way. Nina is not even framed as if she were trying to get revenge on Darius, which would have made the most sense to me.

Otherwise, the film is near perfection, Lisa Nicole Carson (Ally McBeal), Isaiah Washington (Grey’s Anatomy) and Bill Bellamy (How To Be A Player) add brilliant humor and dialogue. Larenz Tate (Menace II Society) is at the peak of his career and Nia Long (Soul Food) is stunning and wonderful as always. The Chicago backdrop versus the typical New York or California one is also a refreshing and welcomed change. The steamy sex scene alone, with Maxwell crooning in the background, makes my lower regions tingle, and makes the film worthwhile in itself. Love Jones may never be a place you’ve ever been, but it will not leave you disappointed.

 

Physics this shit ain’t. Love…passion doesn’t make sense. It just is.

 

 

Citations

George Alexander, Why We Make Movies: Black Filmmakers Talk About the Magic of Cinema (New York: Broadway Books, 2003), 237.

 

Guthrie P. Ramsey, Jr. “Muzing New Hoods, Making New Identities: Film, Hip-Hop Culture, and Jazz Music” Callaloo, Vol. 25, No. 1(2002): 318

 

 

tags: black film, black love, film, Love Jones, romance
categories: Film/TV
Thursday 06.16.11
Posted by Aramide Tinubu
 
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