"Instead of A Cougar She's A Saber Tooth Tiger" and other Foolishness that Occurs at Family Barbeques
Yesterday, my little sister, bestie and I hauled our bottoms out to the burbs for my cousins husbands annual barbeque birthday bash. They are always hilarious, our families as well as their work family comes together for a twelve hour long shindig. The afternoon started off in rare form of course. I missed my exit on the expressway and a 20-30 min ride turned into an hour and a half extravaganza of my sister and I wanted to stab one another in some sort of 18th century duel. But alas all was well, we found our way to our location and by then I was in dire need of a drink. My beloved three -year baby cousin Iggy boy was munching on an m&m cookie when we arrived, and I asked him to go and get me one. The fooleery that is my life began when he returned with a horrid dry ass oatmeal raisin cookie in the palm of his grubby hand. (Why are oatmeal raisin cookies even made? They taste like death.) After eating the dry cookie to appease the poor babe, the bestie and I made our way to the garage where the food was being served, And to our dismay there he was "The Runnin Man" from K-Town, or at least that's what he told us. A self-proclaimed ladies man who decided it was his duty to be as creepy as possible for the rest of the evening. Upon entering the garage he promptly stared at both of us individually as he looked us up and down. But this wasn't even the worst part, in the heat of the 80 degree weather, this fool had on a three piece leather suit (he'd taken of the jacket to reveal only a leather vest underneath, no shirt -_-) with red gator shoes and a playboy bunny phone case. The man was so ridiculous that we laughed in his face as he went on and on about his escapades with women. The most horrid part was the realization that this man actually took himself seriously, he even forced us to take a picture (luckily he cut my head off in the photo). My other cousin told him that if he took her picture she was gonna punch him in the head. LOL. We spent the rest of the evening avoiding him like the plague. After the rest of my family arrived (3-4 hours late) HIGHlarity ensued. We watched a portion of the show Single Ladies (peep that on VH1 if you haven't already, I swear every black actress, actor and celebrity is on there and the storyline are pretty good), and we ooggled at Stacy Dash's beauty, As my cousin said don't hate "the bitch is fine". We discovered that the only way to tell her age was to look at her neck. LMAO. (But really whose focusing on necks these days?) We also reminisced on the days when one of my cousins use to date a girl with "shark teeth" and how the rest of my cousins use to sing the JAWS theme song whenever she would come around LOL (I never said my family was nice). The topic of conversation shifted to one of my uncles who has an 80 year old "lady friend". My other uncle (who has bug antennas tattooed on his forehead) said "Instead of A Cougar She's A Saber Tooth Tiger" OMG let me tell you after a few jello shots that was about the funniest thing I've ever heard in life. I love to hang out with my family, though we aren't perfect we always find a way to have a good time. When I'm at school for months at a time I realize just how much I love and miss them. After cracking on my uncle's new perm (which makes him look like a crackhead who just entered into the pimping game without enough cash to keep his hair up. Yes its the same uncle with the antenna tattoos) and sneaking my piece of my Auntie B.B. highly coveted pound cake (which has been fought over on numerous occasions). I headed home (this time in the right direction), with my sister and my bestie in tow, stomach full (jerk chicken, ribs, spaghetti, italian sausage, macaroni and cheese, shrimp, my mama's famous dip made by me, green beans, popsicles, corn, etc) with a smile on my face. I think that wherever your family is, is home. And as my mama use to say, "Home is where you're loved the most" I hope everyone else had a lovely father's day weekend.
xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City **** Time to eat my Auntie B.B. Cake :)*******