Why I deteste Going Below 59th Street & Vacating My Position as the Token Black Girl

You would think by now, (after four years at NYU) I was used to being one of the only Black people in various social and sadly academic settings. However, I received a rude awakening about two months ago when I went out for one of my good friends birthdays and I'm pleased to inform everyone that I will be returning my token card. I am no longer here for it, I'm sorry. If you would like to invite me anywhere from now on, I'll ask you to find some poor Negro and invite them along to be my companion because this is just exhausting. Either that or you can come up to 125th street and hang with me. Let's get into the tale shall we. I was really excited to see my friend. I hadn't seen her since her epic holiday party at the beginning of December and honestly I was becoming a hermit due to the "immediate ashyness, frigid death weather" that's been blowing thru NYC. I decided to brave the cold and trek downtown to grab drinks with her for her birthday and that ladies and gentlemen was my first grave mistake. When I finally arrived at the Jane Hotel after walking across some three avenues (of course it was that pungent time of night when there are literally NO CABS available) I was already OVER IT.  I had on a skirt and i didn't even have on my appropriate coat because I called myself being cute (SMH, that was my second grave error). Of course the place was slave ship packed so we all hopped in cabs to make our way over to The Park (another venue close by). Now don't get me wrong its a stunning venue, and I'm sure I would enjoy being bougie in the atmosphere on a warm spring day. However, when it comes to nightlife and club interaction. I will NEVER again be here for it. I should have realized as I was getting my arm stamped that the only people around that looked like me were the bouncers. I probably should have pulled up a stool and sat outside with them smh. Anyways once we all shuffled in (after placing the gentlemen strategically around us so that we all got thru in a timely manner :/... I can't) we all headed over to the coat check. My third grave error of the evening. This is when the "angry black woman" started brewing inside of me. Literally Uncle Ben from the rice box was taking our coats. Now, The Park is a relatively young place (I would estimate that most people are under 30), so why was somebody letting their old as dirt uncle work at this place for these bratty ass NYU grads?!! I was so pressed. What totally set me off even more was the fact that when I FINALLY got up to the front of the line the poor man's tip bucket wasn't even full.

But that isn't was took the cake, NO MA'AM. I am turning in my token card because of last grave and final error of the evening which involved me screaming at the bartender. I'm still cold at this point and I kind of wish I was snuggled up in bed watching Bridesmaids, but alas its my good friends bday so I'm attempting not to have an attitude. I saunter up to the bar to order my drank and the bartender asks to see my stamped wrist. I hold up my hand to him and he tells me he doesn't see anything. I look down, and where everyone else has a loud black stamp I have a faint ashy ass few lines.  I try to explain to the bartender that I am Black and also very chocolate skinned so the ish isn't showin up on me. He proceeds to catch a tude' with me and tells me that I either need to try and get closer so he can try and look at it better or I won't be getting a drink. Now girl...., I'm usually not the one to go off on people but I gave him a smooth piece of my mind. I do recall bellowing out "I'm Black bitch, I suggest next time you get a phuckin pennant marker outside".

Needless to day I've pretty much put myself on punishment since then. There is a reason I chose to leave in Harlem and I'll pretty much be remaining here, with my peeps at least until the weather is tolerable xoxox Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxox

The 1 Thing I Know About Men

Yes Ma'am !!

I've claimed time and time again that I know nothing about men, and this is still quite true. However, in my twenty-two years of living on this earth I do know two things for certain about the opposite sex. 1. ALL Black men need some form of facial hair. I'm not sure when or how I discovered this but its true. A goatee on a smooth brown/caramel/chocolate/ vanilla  face is everything!!. As much as I love Don Cheadle and House of Lies, his bare face gives me the willies. He looks like a fake plastic doll and it upsets me very much. I can recall the exact day my daddy first came home from the barber without any hair on his face. My mother, sister and I were in the kitchen and I guess I was about twelve. I can still hear my mother gasping and the plate that she was holding going clang in the sink. I just remember my utter shock as I looked at my dad's bare face for the first time in my life... it was traumatic.

Don looks like a snake its very weird :/. I feel the same about Obama, perhaps when he finishes this second term he'll grow it out.

But this post isn't about facial hair. Nope, this post is about the second and only thing that I know about men (black, white, blue or otherwise). 2. As soon as you become involved with someone or your dating life becomes a bit more interesting, men that you haven't seen or heard from since you left them in the Underground Railroad, will miraculously being to reappear!!!.

I know this sounds far fetched but ladies (and gents) I promise you this is soooo true!!!.  Case in point. I've recently put my dating heels back on after a few months hiatus and suddenly my phone is lighting up like the fireworks on NYE. Yesterday alone I got a text from some Negro I NEVER EVEN WENT OUT WITH. Who I talked to on the phone all of ONCE last summer. He's talking about "How was your NYE?!!!" .....Ninja are you serious?!! I didn't have his number saved anymore and I had to ask him who it was. Last week, I received a Merry Christmas from a random number. I stupidly assumed it was one of my classmates whose number I forgot to save in my phone. SMH how wrong I was. It ended up being this creepy ninja who I had a fab conversation with who turned out to be a prostitute (literally I have the worst luck sometimes). Then I got a random email from someone who SHOULD NOT be emailing me asking me how I'm doing.

This ALWAYS happens to me, as soon as I get comfortable or I'm interested in new people some dead and buried skeletons come flying out from under the floor boards. Girl.... I'm not here for it. I guess its some type of pheromone that women emit when they're comfortable. Ponder what I've said yourself, I'm sure that this has happened to you on more than one occasion.

Gentlemen perhaps you can provide me with some insight on why ya'll come popping back up? Is it some twinge in your peen that leads you to pick up the phone after months of no contact? I'm very confused, help a sista out.

Alas, that's all for now, I've just come from le gym and I gotta find some food. xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

Nappy & Happy

About four months natural

Once again I have taken months off from updating :/ I'm quite sorry but it seems that my life can never normalize itself for a decent amount of time so I've spent the better part of the last two months just going through the motions.... Anywhoo, roughly a month ago now as I rocked back in forth under my desk (it was finals don't judge me). I realized that it was my one year anniversary of being natural. The best thing about remembering was that while life was busy spreading its butt hole all over me, my hair was the last thing on my mind

Let's do a quick review. For 21 years of my life, my hair was a raggedy whore, the bane of my existence. I explained this in my Big Chop Post. Last winter, I finally grew some lady balls and cut the ish off of my hair. For the first month or so I wore my hair out because I literally had no other choice, obviously I felt like an ugly boy and my self esteem was run into the grown in a way that it hadn't been since I was told being a "dark skin" female was an issue during my adolescence.

After about a month, I decided that I could not walk around  looking hideous nor could I hide in my room until my hair grew back so I got a wig made and I pretty much wore that 5 out of 7 days a week. This lasted from about January until August when everything changed. In August I took my chocolate self to Jamaica and had both a blast and a revelation.

My beateous wig. Clearly I thought that I was everything

First off there was no way I was about to lay in 85 degree weather on a glorious beach with a hot ass wig on my head. I contemplated getting braids but the horror of someone pulling my hair deterred me. Also, I wanted to buy vacation clothes more than I wanted to spend money on getting braids. Instead, I gathered my courage and my passport and took my ass on my first adult vaca with my lovely friend.

Let's just say that Jamaica was glorious, the sun, the food, the men, the drinks, the water, the men, the beach, the men LOL. I say this without an ounce of arrogance (well perhaps a little because I don't normally gloat) but I've never gotten so much attention from the male species in my Black ass life. I get the average amount of play normally but good lord. Men were stopping to say hello everywhere we went.   Dudes would stop while I was stretched on my beach chair, one of the waiters clearly wanted me to get my grove back because he stalked me the two nights we dined at the Italian restaurant at the resort and then proceeded to tell me he would follow me back to NYC. There was also the group of Black Englishmen (Idris accents on Black men yesss GAWWDDD) who accosted me in the elevator grinning at me and telling me that my hair was "radical" and that they enjoyed it immensely. Pretty much from that moment on my wig and I have broken up, save Halloween and the occasional quick errand to Trader Joes or Duane Reade.

Jamaica in August wigless and free

I know some people may think that it took attention from men to change me opinion about my hair, and I guess you can say that but, what's interesting to me is that I attract a different type of man. The type of man that seems to be genuinely interested in me and not just how that I can have the illusion of long hair. Don't get me wrong though I still envy a sickening weave and I'll probably have a couple more myself this lifetime.

I've ever felt so free in my life, I literally wash my hair once a week, twist it up, go to bed and untwist it the next day. For the remainder of the week I do NOTHING. I just wrap it in a scarf and go to bed. I've gotten it straighten and cut once and that was that. I can do my three miles at the gym jump in the shower and then go out. Its quite liberating albeit a bit boring to see the same hair day after day.

The longest my hair got 9 months natural

10 months natural post cut. She took about 4 inches off straightened and curled

With all of this being said, being natural isn't for everyone and it certainly takes some getting use to, but for me, I've never felt more like myself.

The other day :)

Obligatory Hurricane Post (Stream of Consciousness)

I’ve decided to write an obligatory hurricane post because I’m stuck in my apartment alone. On the bright side, I have delicious snacks, Breaking Bad, a Kindle and a little friend to keep me company.

So what’s been up with me these last few weeks. Nothing too dramatic for once. My coworker told me last week that I’m the Black Bridget Jones which is sadly accurate.  Let’s do a review of my weekend shall we.

Apparently this is me, only chocolate dipped.

I’ve been feeling pathetically homesick lately. I think I get this way when the holidays begin to creep up on me. I’m nostalgic and I miss the CHi, also these NYC ninjas do nothing for me so no distraction there. On Friday I have a tragic four hour class beginning at 9am. Its literally the most foolish class I’ve ever had. I spend half of my time trying not to scream at my professor for calling me “Aramedee” BITCH THAT”S NOT MY NAME!!! I’ve clearly corrected her 75 times and yet she refuses to pronounce it properly. Alas my only entertainment is to look at the facial expressions of my Chinese classmates. My professor is one of those irrational sorts who talks in circles about Foucault and other fancy white men that I suppose I should care to know. Its rough enough for the native English speakers but for the international students it has to be torture. My poor classmate always looks horrified and confused. I've given up on the class in general so when I’m about to nod off I just look at her face for a nice pick-me-up.

Once we got let out at one, I literally raced from campus like my ass was on fire. I live for weekends and I refuse to consider school until Sunday nights.  I took myself all the way downtown to get a fresh bag of Garrett’s popcorn. (Yes, they have one here in NYC.) And of course these New Yorkers don’t know shit so the store is  always half empty. I got my popcorn (the mix with more caramel than cheese), grabbed a bottle of wine and hauled my ass back to Harlem  I proceeded to stuff my face, catch up on SCANDAL, and then took a epic nap.

They're both gone already

Somehow I was convinced to go out that night (well it was mostly the allure of the coconut sangria that the venue is known for). It was one of my classmates birthdays and we went dancing. (Usually I spend Friday nights in my underwear watching mindless television, the week is so exhausting that I usually can't be bothered to try and get myself together until Saturday)

Me  Friday afternoons and evenings

So this is gonna sound ignorant and I know down to the depths of my little Black heart that it does but wtf I’mma just say it. I think African men can just smell that my ass is African or somethin. Now if you know me ,you know that I avoid African men like I avoid  my old ass neighbor Lonnie who keeps asking me out to dinner (the man is 65 years old and he wears Spike Lee jogging suits). Anyway as soon as I have a drink in my hand and my hips are swaying this tiny African is on my ass. I’m sorry but I just can’t....like WHY???!!!!  Go AWAY!!! I twirled around with him for a tad and then told him I was there with my girls, then of course he had to be an awkward lurker for another damn hour. Also  why are grown men till standing around the dance floor staring at women?? I know I’ve discussed this before. (Whatever i don’t pretend to understand the male species, except for my gays of course). I  stayed for awhile got fairly nice and then hauled myself home.

Um so I know this is a shocker to everyone who knows me but I have acquired a gym membership (it’s only $10/month, smh I still have to buy shoes)  and I run 3 miles 3-4 times a week. (I know I’m shocked too). I actually enjoy it ....ALOT. Tis is all to say that Saturday morning I got up and went to le gym. Now this is what I don’t understand.... um... why do dudes try to talk to you in the gym or oggle your behind whilst you're running. Yes, I realize that I have on spandex and luckily my pigmentation does not allow me to turn a tragic red color. However, I get rather sweaty and it ain’t cute.  I’m sure I’m not smelling too fresh and its quite awkward when its quite possible that I  have a sweat stain round my bottom. I’ve started wearing my longer t-shirts so that i can run and stretch with some semblance of modesty.  Going to the gym on the reg has been quite a feat for me. Especially because, few weeks ago I fell off the treadmill while adjusting my ipod, no one helped me and I have big scar on my foot...I still got my three miles in tho.

After the gym I went to the grocery store in preparation for the demise of NYC due to Sandy. Usually I’m bougie and I trek to Trader Joe’s but I had already been to the gym and that was quite enough for the day so I settled for my neighborhood store... Mistake? Yes it was. Mind you I never sleep past 10am (this real person ish is for the birds) so I was done with the gym and at the grocery store before noon. Luckily there was still some chicken left upon my arrival but I stood in the checkout line for damn near 25 minutes. I thought that my frozen yogurt was gonna melt and I was getting quite pressed. My only solace was seeing how pissed people were getting about having to wait so long... honestly its not that serious I just didn't want my Half Baked to melt.

After I finally made it home tugging my granny cart full of groceries behind me I chillaxed until it was time to head to me bestie's for his Halloween shindig, As usually I was the only Negro in sight. Luckily there were some sprinkles of Indians and Asians for additional flare. The music was good (bestie likes only Black music) and the drinks were flowing so it turned out to be a good night, I also may have eaten like 3 cupcakes from Georgetown but I just closed my eyes and pretended that I hadn’t.

I was suppose to be a Bollywood dancer. I just really enjoyed my makeup

One small thing was puzzling to me during the eve. I became chums with a boy and we hugged in one of our intoxicated moments. I honestly think he’d never hugged a woman who weighed more than 130 pounds because clearly it became the highlight of his life. At the end of the night he hugged me again for an awkward amount of time and told me I was an exceptional hugger (?) I’m quite perplexed. What can I say though I do have  some nice cushion and I smell quite nice. Still.....

Anyways I spent yesterday recovering and checking my phone to see if school and work would be closed. Mercifully they were because I made no effort to actually do any homework. (Sad....)  The city has completely shut down, its very strange because NYC for once is silent. But this heifer Sandy hasn’t even really showed up from what I can tell. Its windy but its not even really raining so perhaps it won’t be a big deal after all (Just like Irene from Summer 2011) Anyways that's been my life lately, a lot more tame than normal. I’mma turn up this new Kendrick Lamar and and cook some lunch.

xoxoxoxxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox

PS. I guess I should at least attempt this homework PPS. Never mind shit is closed tomorrow as well :)

SHit Happens

I should be doing my homework, but I've decided to relay a smooth tale. Perhaps this is something I heard, or  maybe its about somebody I know, facts and events may have been changed slightly or whatever but alas here's the story.

So this girl meets this guy and they start hanging out. They casually date, dinner, see movies you know the usual. Now the girl realizes about two months in that though the guy is nice she's just not really feeling him. I guess its something in her gut that's telling her he's just not really her cup of tea. There's nothing wrong with him, he's nice, respectful all of that but that gut feeling still rides with her. So what does she do? She ignores the feeling, because he's entertaining enough for the moment and its nothing heavy. Another month passes and one evening the boy goes to the girls apartment. They chill, watch a movie, kick it. A casual night in, this has happened at least once before, its nothing too new. The next day the girl and the boy decide that they want to go out to grab breakfast. The boy gets in the shower first and the girl goes in when he's finished. When the girl gets out of the shower she calls to the boy from the bathroom. When there's no response she comes out of the bathroom to discover the boy has vanished.....along with all her electronics (aside from her television) as well as the keys to her apartment. GONE, VANISHED, IN THE WIND. Alas, though she is a bit traumatized the girl gets her life back in order, the police are called, locks are changed and things are replaced, the world keeps turning.....

About a week or so later, the girl ventures into the computer store to replace her stolen lap top. She ends up chatting with the guy who helps her for about two hours. The conversation flows, its interesting and dope. As she leaves the computer store the  new boy asks the girl if he can take her out sometime. The girl is pleased  because she hadn't connected with someone like that in some time. The week goes on, the girl and the boy chat and text. One evening, a few days into speaking, the new boy tells the girl that he has to tell her something. The new boy tells the girl that along with working at the computer store he has a side occupation. The girl asks the boy what this side occupation entails. The boy tells the girl that he's a non-sexual escort. The boy takes women on dates and they pay him $300-$400 per night. The girl is quite disturbed by this news and informs the boy that she has no interest in being a customer. The boy says that he never wanted the girl to be a customer, and that his intentions were just to be honest. The boy then tells the girl that his tag line is that he's eleven inches. The girl stares at her new laptop with its eleven inch screen and promptly hangs up the phone.

Moral of the story, always listen to your gut, but even then, Shit Happens

xxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

PS: Did ya'll see Joe snatch back Ryan's wig tonight?! Thrilling

Reading Old Broads for Filth (Or A Day In the Life of This Chocolate Girl)

So yesterday was probably one of the hardest days I've had in a while. (It ended up fine :)). I'm usually a rather optimistic person but due to some psychotic old hags who refuse to stay in their lane and away from me and mine, it was quite trying for several hours. Here's what Occurred:

So grad school isn't really difficult for me, but the amount of work is a trashy bastard. I'm exhausted all the time and it just seems to take me a minute to get focused. Anyway, Tuesday night I stayed up really late putting together a two hour presentation that I had to deliver the next day. When I arrived to work yesterday morning I realized that I had neglected to email it to myself. I let a tear drop, pulled myself together and informed my boss that I needed to run home (I only live 20 mins away thank GOD) to retrieve my assignment.

On my way back to work/campus, my cousin texted me asking me when was the last time I had talked to my father. I informed her I had spoken to him Sunday afternoon, and then I put my phone away nothing thinking much of it. I headed back to my desk and a few minutes later my cousin calls me.

I answered the phone and she informed by that my sister was also on the line. Obviously, this sent me into a full blown panic. In the last two years I've had more horrific and devastating news delivered to me via phone than any person should have in a lifetime.

(I'll take this point to give some quick background. My mama worked with this lady for years and years. We shall call her  Willamina. Now Willamina stays in somebody else's business, but she and my mom were cool for years. To be honest I really don't know why because when my mama got pregnant with me Willamina refused to speak to her because she loves to be the center of attention. As I grown up I realize she is juse generally a complete fool. Anywhoo toward the end of my Mama's life I guess my mom finally decided she didn't have time for it anymore and I really heaven't heard from the woman but maybe once since my mom passed two years ago. Now there's a second woman, we'll call her Betsey, she was my Mama's best friend in high school and college. I never had any issues with her until she told my sister the day after my Mama died that her behavior wasn't any type of way to remember my Mama....Needless to say she's been excommunicated as well. Mind you if I saw or spoke to either of these women I would never be disrespectful, but as I've stated I've barely seen or heard from either, nor do I have any desire to).

Now let's get back into the story, my cousin get quiet on the phone and she says I want ya'll to hear this from me. She says that Willamina had seen one of my Daddy's neighbors over the weekend and supposedly the neighbor told her that my Daddy had passed away over the weekend. Instead of coming straight to the source (ie: my sister or myself), Willamina decides to be an extra special flavor of tea an sends an EMAIL to Betsey (who lives across the country) asking her what she knew. Betsey then, thought it would be cute to call my auntie who lives in Florida who then calls my other aunties who then call my cousin who tries to call my father and when he doesn't answer calls my sister and myself. (Do you see how ish spirals out of control??!!)

Sister and I are both panicking and about 10 people start frantically trying to reach my father . After 20 minutes of my world stopping, my sister texts and says that she's spoken to him. My Daddy calls me shortly thereafter. The poor man was obliviously befuddled because he was in the middle of teaching when his phone went off about twenty thousand times. (His IPhone has the most annoying ring of life and I doubt he knows how to put it on silent) Obviously someone had explained the situation to him because when I pick up my phone he states laughing, "I'm not dead yet". (Sigh, Bless his heart)

Of course this is the day that I just so happen to have a doctor's appointment after work and my two hour presentation :/ I get to the doctor's office and of course I'm emotionally exhausted (it's only 5pm) so I burst into tears when my doctor asks me if I smoke cigarettes. SMH

After my appointment I slink out of the doctor's office dragging my dignity behind me and head to the gym for a quick and pungent 2.5 mile run. Obviously because I am who I am, I slip on the treadmill as I'm warming up. But whateves I still got my cardio in.

As I stumble down Lenox Ave headed home, I'm pondering a hot bath and a smooth glass of wine to drown in the foolery of my life. But alas, Life is a funny funny thing. I look up to see a grown ass man in a purple velour capri pant onesie and I scream with laughter all the way home.

Moral of the story: Please stay in your lane and mind your business. You never know how stirring up some ish for your personal entertainment will effect others.  I learn everyday that life ain't know crystal stair but it surely has a sense of humor.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xxoxoxoxox Almost Friday :)

Why Gabby's Story and Her Win Are So Important

Disclaimer: Now let me start off by saying that if you are one of the fools that have anything negative to say  about this girl specifically with regards to the hair on her head (which in most cases is very similar to the hair growing out the top of yours) please feel free to KILL YOURSELF. And I mean that with all sincerity. 

But I digress, now I'm certainly not Olympics obsessed but I have been following Gabby's story for a bit. I read an article in the beginning of July about her struggle to the Olympics. She moved away from her family in Virgina to live with a family in Iowa so that she could be trained by her world renowned  coach While she was doing this her parents were getting a divorce and her father was being deployed once again to Afghanistan.  And if any of you like me remember what it was like to be sixteen, I certainly don't know how she did it. The way for hormones were ragging back then, I would have given up and went home. Gabby just proves that though shit may get tough the last thing that you want to do is underestimate yourself, people are already gonna do that for you.

Before the gymnastics team grabbed gold, people weren't even talking about Gabby they were talking about her teammate Jordyn Wieber. Wieber still did wonderfully but all of the hype probably did not help her and as 1996 Olympian Dominique Dawes says, Gabby was able to slip under the radar and grab the all around gold for individual gymnast, the first Black person EVER to do so. (Its cray t=its 2012 and we can still say the first Black person to ever do something.)

Why is this so dope? Its like having Michelle Obama as the first lady, or Princess Tiana as the first Black Disney princess. Gabby is up there for me. The reason why I'm obsessed with Black film is because of the images that it provides. It gives Black people (more specifically children), no matter what their situation or circumstance, the opportunity to see people who look like them doing things that they may have never dreamed were attainable. And I think for people who can't see past their neighborhoods or even today that's so important. There's no reason to settle for what is 'expected' of you. Obviously there are always obstacles, and because life isn't fair some people have more obstacles than others. However, I know for me its always been helpful when I can look up to people who look like me doing things people always say they couldn't do. Gabby's win does so much for our community making history obviously, but also things like fitness and health and even our very apparent issues about hair could certainly be addressed.

I've personally always been too terrified to do a simple forward role. (Something about my feet bing over my head)  But seeing Gabby fly has been glorious :)

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

5 Things I'm Not Here For

I'm one of those people who truly enjoys life, I tend to be fairly optimistic and I  would classify myself as one of those glass half full types. But alas, like everyone else, there are things that I am just NOT here for. At the moment these are my top five:

Looking Like A Bag of Money

Now those who know me or have read previous post from my blog pretty much know that I have a sickening obsession with the cuddly bear that is Rick Ross. Yes this is despite the fact that he is morbidly obese and he has some of the worst lyrics in the rap game. (Its just something about the big boys that get to me:))  I'm concerned here with just one lyric. "My chick bad lookin like a bag of money". Obviously I get the vision of the lyric metaphorically but this is my blog and this is about things that I'm not here for so I'm gonna take it literally. Now Mr. Rose, bags of money are quite lumpy and grotesque. I would hope that no one would aim to look like one. I say this but as soon as I leave the confines of my homes whether it be the one on the South Side of Chicago or the one in Harlem, my already horrific eyesight is assaulted by women with rolls, pockets of fats and lumps that I'm sure no human being is suppose to have. I truly don't get it. I'm not saying that I'm the trimmest chick out there but I sure as hell never hung over my clothing. I'm very lazy myself and I have a deep aversion to the gym but I do try and get a run in twice a week and its NYC so I walk everywhere anyway. But that's neither here nor there. Ladies, please, your cottage cheese thighs upset me deeply this isn't a game to see how much or yourself you can stuff into a too small outfit. Please stop and take the time to stop at your local Target (Hell they may even have them at the Beauty Supply), round up a girdle and a few pairs of spanks and let's not pretend we're size eights when we're a size 16. Rick Ross is tricking you he can get away with it because he literally has bags of money and even he wouldn't be caught dead with the likes of you. Work it out or at least tuck it in and away.

Vodka

I have finally in the past month admitted to myself that I am allergic to vodka. I pretty much figured this out about a year ago but this did not stop me from partaking in the precious beverage. As soon as I take a sip the drink is looking for anyway to violently and horrifically exit any opening of my body (TMI I know). It was sad to finally say goodbye to my friend. Vodka based beverages were how I got introduced to my dear friend alcohol but alas we had to break up. I am not here to be jolted awake out of a dead sleep only to end up chopping off box braids in the shower at 4am. (I'm sure you can figure it out.)

Spoiled Milk

I have a terrible phobia of spoiled milk. I'm really not quite sure where it stemmed from. The incident was probably so horrific that I blocked it out, just like most of seventh and eighth grade. Its actually gotten worse and worse over the years to the point where I would wake my sister up in the wee hours of the morning so that she could smell the milk for me.  (I just couldn't bring myself to do it). Living in NYC has proven even more challenging because, for whatever reason milk spoils here in like 3 days. I had a half of container of skim milk in my fridge and instead of testing it after the 3 day mark I held my nose and just poured it down the drain. I'm just not here for spoiled milk. I've been buying either coconut milk or almond milk since.

Being called or told I look like "Chocolate _____"

Yes this is quite ironical considering the fact that my blog is called "Chocolate Girl In the City". But seriously gentlemen its gotten out of hand.  I can no longer tolerate walking down the street, standing in line anywhere, or doing whatever it is I gotta do and being screamed at that I look like a Chocolate dessert, candy, etc. Can we get more original please? Its actually exhausting and I've considered buying horrific brown clothing (I don't own or wear brown clothing) in an effort to blend into myself so that I don't have to hear someone ask me if I'm afraid all that chocolate is gonna melt in the sun. (No sir I have on sunscreen thank you). A simple you have pretty skin/ a nice complexion will suffice.Also on a side note, please refrain from calling me "sista" just because I have natural hair. I'm most  certainly not here for that.

Dry Skin

Ok I can be a bit obsessive about this because my skin is very dark  so the ash shows up like I just rolled about in chicken flower. After every shower, I lather on Jergens for extra dry skin and over that on my legs I slap on a layer of thick ghetto greasy petroleum jelly. I realize that its probably clogging the pores on my legs but its been tried and true for 22 years and I can't give it up. I once tried to go on vacation without Vaseline and I found myself running to the nearest Walgreen's as soon as I landed. I have been known to moisturize my legs in public and quite frankly I have zero shame. My best guy friend came to stay with me one weekend and by the end of the weekend he refused to touch my doorknobs, he said that they were covered in grease and that he had to wash his hands every time he touched a surface in my apartment. He was also disturbed that I slept with a bottle of baby lotion on my night stand. I'm sorry I cannot do dry hands they wake me up in the middle of the night and I'm not here for that.

These are just some of the things that I'm not here for, what are some of your pet peeves?

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxox

I was inspired to do this post because of the dashing and lovely Kid Fury who always makes me laugh.

Dear Black People:

This morning as I'm sure we all did I woke up to the the horrific news of the shooting at the midnight Batman showing  in the Colorado theater. As I scrolled through different tweets and the internet trying to figure out what was going on I was disheartened by the fact that several Black people that I follow thought it was appropriate to tweet either in general or at POTUS and ask why weren't the 45 people getting killed in Chicago on any given day news? Obviously the crime in Chicago is horrific and disgusting but it is NOT appropriate to "plug" this violence in the wake of a mass shooting or tragedy. This got me to thinking, as Black people do we only care when other Black people are killed if the shooting is done by a non-Black person or by the police? I would bet all the money in my bank account that 98% of people killed on any day in Chicago are done by Black people killing Black people. Why is POTUS responsible for that? What are we doing to clean up our own communities? Where the hell is Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson cuz I haven't seen them since Trayvon Martin was top news?  We are only hurting ourselves so I ask you why should white people or anyone else in the country care? The North side of Chicago certainly doesn't have the same issues as the South and the West Side. Some of my boys from high school and elementary school refused to even come home during summer vacations  in college because it got so bad. We need to stop acting like Barak Obama is the President for only Black people in this country!! Clearly he's standing in a majority republican, racist, white government fighting tooth and nail so that we can have basic things like health care and other goverment aide that many of us need and we sit here on our ASSES whining about what he's not doing when  Black people are killing themselves. Well, what the fuck are you doing?

Granted, equal education is not accessible to all. Lord knows Chicago Public Schools are a piece of shit but have we rallied? Have we petitioned?  There have been no walks, no free breakfast, no car pools or bus pools. Many of my aunts work in the Public School system and I've heard them tell story after story about how they tried to meet with parents ALL year and the only time the parents want to show up is at the end of the year when they realize their kids aren't gonna pass into the next grade. We need to become better parents better teachers, taking responsibility when raising our own kids. Just because you have a child young does not give you an excuse. Get off of facebook and twitter with you petty arguments and foolishness GO RAISE YOUR CHILD!! And you know what? The rest of the community needs to say something when you see inappropriate parenting myself included. A few years ago I was on the CTA (Chicago Transit) I had long micro braids and I felt a hand tug them, I turned around to see a little baby boy no more than 2 years old and his mother preceded to beat the shit out of him for tugging my braids. I WAS HORRIFIED!!! Clearly he was too little to know any better, but I became part of the problem when I said nothing and looked away.

STOP LOOKING FOR INSTANT GRATIFICATION!!!!!!! Like I said I realize that school is not for everyone but we need to start looking past the next Jordans that come out. Can you see past your mama's or your grandma's basement? Why is your mama/grandma/auntie/sister raising YOUR CHILD? Being a flashy ninja is only bound to get you killed or messed up because people out here are jealous! I'm not saying don't have nice things but why are you selling your blood to get your one-year old Jordan when your light bill isn't paid? You have zero dollars in the bank is it really that important to go to the nail shop?!!!!

Have Black people had it easy in this world, especially in this country?! HELL NO!! But we're damn sure doing a hell of a lot better then we were just fifty years ago and we certainly aren't out in any fields picking cotton, tobacco or sugar cane.  Yes, the ramifications of slavery, discrimination and injustice run deep within our community but what are we doing to help ourselves?

We need to stop being concerned about things like people sexual orientations that are for one, non of our business and are only spewing more hate into our communities. We need to SAY SOMETHING when we see something!!! Stop bringing these perverts around your kids and when your kids say somebody is being inappropriate BELIEVE IT.  Stop sweeping stuff under the rug, because its all going to come out one day causing way more harm then you could ever imagine. We need to stop acting like we don't know what's up stop living in this generation of strangers.

I'm sorry if this seemed harsh but its the truth through my eyes Chocolate Girl In the City

I'll be praying for the victims and families in Colorado and those in my hometown.

I've Been Thinkin Bout Ya....

This has been really plaguing my mind for some time and I thought I wanted to write about it but I didn't know how to start or what to write. So when Frank Ocean published his gorgeously written piece "Thank You's" on his tumblr I thought this was as good a place to start with as any. Let me begin by saying, I love Black people, I love our pride, our culture, our skin, hair, the list goes on and if you know me then  that should be obvious. However, I'm saddened by how backward we can be sometimes. As a Black woman, I feel like I'm walking around this world constantly getting bombarded, judged and poked in my sides from outsiders and sadly often from insiders from the very people that were suppose to have my back  regardless. I can't even imagine what Black men go through. Growing up with a Catholic mother and a Muslim father I am grateful for my parents, they never told me what to believe in. My mother took us a church a few Sundays a month, I went mostly for the music and the brunch afterward with my Big Daddy. My sister and I were taught to pray at night but my relationship to God really didn't form until much later. By then, thankfully I had experienced enough of the world to think for myself, to come up with my own opinions.

My first openly gay friend was this wonderful boy I met in seventh grade. At the tragic middle school that I attended he was one of the true bright spots one of the "real" people in the crowd who unlike me didn't attempt to follow mass or chime in. I struggled with that wanting to be friendly with everyone. I got along with most people and  was really only bullied by one individual. This wonderful boy didn't care what other people thought, already at eleven the cowardliness that plagued me was non- existent within him. He didn't care to fit in, he was tryna live the most honest life he knew how. As seventh grade continued rumors swirled about his sexuality. I asked him point blank one day standing at the lockers. He confirmed that like me he was most attracted to the male sex. I absorbed this news and we carried on with our friendship. I was surprised only because I had never known an openly gay person up until that point but it didn't change how I saw him, I loved his wonderful honesty his was real, a breath of fresh air in the cookie cutter lives of lost seventh and eighth graders.

I remember when I told Mama about him, she was coming to chaperon one of our field trips and I wanted to tell her who I wanted to be in our group. Her eyes widened in surprise, she seemed confused unable to contemplate, it was as if she had never considered it before. I recall that her shock and confusion horrified me. Surely I thought to myself, the person I love most in this world, cannot have such a backward reaction to someone who was a true friend of mine. I asked her then, if she thought gay people should be able to get married. She told me no, that she felt marriage was between a man and a woman. I screamed at her then, one of the few times, I remember yelling at my mother  and getting away with it. I couldn't understand her position, it sounded completely idiotic to me. I implored her to tell me how another persons imitate and personal life should affect her... A week later she met my friend on that field trip and fell in love with him like I had. When we got home that day she sat me down and she told me she was wrong, that she would never wanted interfere with another person's happiness. And then she told me about her best guy friend in college and how years later he came out to her and how it had hurt her that he hadn't been honest with her earlier, how they had both cried on the phone and how she told him that she was sorry he felt that he couldn't have trusted her with his secrets.

This wasn't the last time that I shifted my mother's views on the world with my youth and naivety . The world had shifted radically in the 32 years between her birth and mine and she like in everything she did had enough grace to see it. So with that I want to say, that I understand that older Black people can be stuck in their ways. Lord knows my father is quite ornery about certain things. However, just because you are old doesn't mean that you have to be ignorant. Ignorance is just as volatile as any weapon. I am baffled that these same "older" people can turn their heads when older men are preying on young girls or guys, adultery, incests, bitchassness in any form etc and they can dare part their lips to condemn some other person who isn't hurting anyone. This is especially upsetting because ignorance is what caused so many things that plague our community today.

Whats even more sad and appalling still is those in my generation who have every opportunity to educate themselves, who dabble in all types of activities illegal and otherwise for pleasure, pain a high etc., who park themselves on church benches Sunday morning because their mama's told them to and who hate, bringing more hate into this world that has already made it so difficult for them today. This generation has no excuse.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxxo

50 Shades of Grey and My Thoughts on "Feminism"

So like many of you but perhaps not so secretly, because apparently I'm vulgar and graphic. I've recently read the 50 Shades of Grey books. Why did I read them? Well, I've just graduated from college, I have a whole lot of free time and my social life leaves little to be desired lol. So alas I downloaded them on my Kindle and read all three books in about five days. Let me be real, the books are not the best books ever written and the storyline can be predictable and repetitive, but whatevs it was hot and steamy and provided me excellent entertainment on warm Chicago & New York nights while I sipped my evening tea. One of my besties ridiculed me for the books are first but he was still intrigued and I got my cousins and some of my aunts to read it also.

I guess what has shocked me, and what has always shocked me about things like this is the backlash from "feminist critics". Now obviously I believe that woman are equal to men, that we can do anything that men can do that we should have ALL rights to do what we want to our bodies and so forth. We are the MASTERS of our destinies.( I'm just  gonna be the master of mine is heels and lipstick). I was disturbed by the fact that some people feel that the book is sexist and that the author E. L. James (who is a woman) is trying to say that ALL women want to be dominated, remain submissive to their men so on and so forth. Essentially, this entire discussion brings up some of the ambivalence that I have surrounding "feminism" itself. Firstly I would just suggest that as a Black woman, feminism for me is very different from "mainstream feminism" because the culture that I grew up in is very particular and the history of Blacks in this country is also very particular especially in the way that men and women relate to one another going back to slavery. But I'm not gonna get into that now.  What I tend to get frustrated with is the fact that SOME feminists (NOT ALL), seem to always position women as victims. I don't know about you but at 21, chocolate skinned, 5 ft 3 inches and one hundred fifty some odd pounds I am no one's victim.  I don't think E. L. James was trying to suggest any of those things to her readers, I think she just wrote a kinky book, based off of Twilight fan fiction for people to read on vacation. So called feminists kill me sometimes, maybe I just wanted to read a dirty book for my own personal entertainment. Maybe suburban mothers who sometimes get bored with routine want to spice things up. Maybe I just want to read what I want to read when I want to read it. I'm more concerned with the fact that this country is still banning books at libraries *side eye * Obviously we can read sexism, racialism, hetro-normativism into so many things in pop culture.  (Look at Game of Throne, Mad Men, Girls, Think Like A Man, New Girl, etc). But at the end of the day all we can hope is that people will constantly educate themselves to recognize some of the issues while enjoying themselves, maybe even laughing at some of the foolery.

Nobody said shit when people were laughing at Friends (the whitest show on earth) for ten years. I would just say to feminists, yes women have a long road ahead of them in this world, especially women who are in much more oppressed conditions that those in Western countries. Those of us who have the education, means and resources should be doing all we can to help others in ways that are CONSTRUCTIVE.  Other than that please keep your bitterness and anger to yourself, I'm not here for that, so please stop speaking for me. Its like our lovely ball of Caribbean trash Rihanna said, "At the end of the day I'm still gonna do what I want to do", as a grown woman I think that that's as liberating as anything.

Until then I will be patiently waiting for the film to come out, Focus Features just brought the rights :) xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

PS. The biggest thing we can all do for women in this country is keep that fool Mitt out of the office SMH

So When Are You Gonna Take Me Out?

"if the Dog from Lady and the Tramp had his bi*** eating Italian, a grown ass man can afford to take you out of the neighborhood."-Black Girls Are Easy

So I'm not gonna sit here and lie like, I've never been the come over and chill girl. Luckily, it was at one point in my life when I was 18 and dating this dude that wasn't worth the lint in my belly button so I was able to figure out that life wasn't for me pretty early in life. I've never been the type of girl to feel like I needed a dude or even attention from a dude. I'm not gonna front and act like I don't like it because obviously everyone wants to know that someone is attracted to them or interested in them. After that "relationship" FINALLY ended I didn't talk to a dude for well over six months. And when I did, I talked to this dude who took me out, cooked for me and who was tryna see me everyday. Now it lasted about a summer before we both got annoyed with each other, I was headed back to NYC and I guess he was tired of putting in work without... well you know. But whatever, I was going through some things and I had other things on my mind. That was two summers ago and I haven't been on a date since him. (Aside from this dry ass dude who took me out to dinner in October and who was so dull I nearly fell asleep at the table.)  Dating that last dude taught me a valuable lesson, if a 21 year old college dude can wine and dine me, that a grown ass man surely can. There is no excuse in the world that I should accept. I've had dudes try to play me when they got my number asking me to come over, so on an so forth. Once I politely suggested going out, some never spoke to me again  and one ignorant negro even suggested that if we were gonna go out then I'd have to pay my own way. As I've said previously, I can always take myself out and I do quite often, so why then should I sit through some dull ass conversation with a stingy ignorant mf, when I still have to pay my own way. SMH.  Obviously I would love a companion, my Love Jones DVD is quite run down and there's only so many times I can sit at home with my Daddy and watch PBS renditions of Pride and Prejudice. I have enough time most evening to paint my nails a variety of different colors and catch up on several episodes of tv. But these past two years I've realized that I'm fairly comfortable just doing me. I refuse to be pressed just lending my time out to any ninja that looks my way. All I know is the next time I'm frustrated or upset with some dude, its not gonna be because I'm all dressed up sitting on his couch eating some stale Wendy's while he's playing his playstation. SMH. As for right now, I'm planning my August trip to Jamaica, apartment hunting and saving my money for my 2013 trip to Paris. As usual, @8plus9 says it better than I ever could: Dating vs. Come Over and Chill

xoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxo PS. Even Alfalfa put in work

Hayden 10: What Really Went Down :)

My home for three out of my four years in undergrad

Let me just begin by saying that for everyone who cussed me out for not posting a blog in months I'm deeply sorry. I was going through some ish so please refrain from throwing shade. So lets begin clocking  the ways that is the foolery of my life: * DISCLAIMER: In this post I will read some people like a book, however, due to the fact that my diploma has not been mailed out yet I have changed the names or just omitted them" This all started the day I got into Columbia University for grad school (March 23rd) to be exact. I got my life that day and even though I was second in command for my building (Resident Assistant at a freshman dorm), I decided to go hang with my peeps. It was super lowkey, we laughed, talked we chilled, we laughed at a certain Asian boy's choice in music. I acted foolish smacked some people on the ass and then promptly along with the rest of my RA crew took my Black ass to bed.  Now let me be really real, there was alcohol present but I'm of age and so were 95% of the people there. Others who were present drank water or just chilled. Once again, super lowkey no drama, just some Friday night fuckery.

Fast forward two weeks. As an RA we were subjected to a weekly meeting so we could be chastised about what all we are doing wrong and other bullshit like that. In Hayden, our most favorite part of these meetings are something we do called kudos. Typically they are inside jokes from one RA to another about some shitty ass situation that we had to deal with earlier in the week or the weekday before.

Let me give you some examples about the shit that went down: People passing out move in day from alcohol poisoning in the elevator, the elevator is continually closing on your body but you are too shitfaced to even stir Watching a girl's uterus practically fall out of her vagina (Seriously it was foul I thought she was having a miscarriage) Walking in on orgies Having to wear a plastic bag in an ambulance at 4am so that a resident doesn't projectile vomit on you. Having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night (during the week) for bullshit thing (ie: headaches, menstrual cramps, contact lenses scratches just to name a few)

Like for eal have you been to fuckin BELLVUE?!!!! (Its the psychiatric hospital and also the one where all prisoners and homeless go :/)

So anyway back to the meeting. So that particular week this is what was said that sparked this whole thing

These are the actual kudos that were written. THIS IS IT!!! SERIOUSLY

So for whatever reason because we said these things, not having anything to do with alcohol, our nosey ass bosses just had to know what was going on and they set out on a witch hunt that ended with ten RA's (myself included) losing their jobs.

Now I'm sure you're wondering why did we even say these things if our bosses were such hard asses? Why risk it? Let's dive into the relationships we had with our bosses. Now I was an RA for two years. Last year I had bosses they were dope we had no problems we had no issues. Now this year they hire two new people.  I think they're cool at first. I'm a warm fuzzy ball of trash so I acted like myself trying to make them feel warm and welcomed. Now I must say myself that I'm pretty much an open book but I do know how to be professional. I personally chose to just follow the direction of my bosses. Day 2 of training, we're sitting over dinner having a convo about anal sex! Over the course of the semesters, we learn about our RHD's dildo, he wanted to know about our business so much so that he hounded me for information whenever I saw him going as far as to lock my phone as he tries to break into it. (I also personally think he sexually suggestive with some residents and one of my really good friends, but that's for another day and another dollar). His lack of professionalism does not even begin to cover the asinine behavior of my RHAD. Our entire staff knew of her middle of the night sexual exploits to the point that we knew where she met these dudes, if they strapped up, had girlfriends, what time they came through etc. She has also peed on herself in front of us because she got so flustered when the copy machine went haywire  But all that doesn't matter because we got our asses handed to us because were were being 20-23 years old letting off steam.

I won't get into what else went down because I am writing this retrospectively and I don't really give to much of a f**** anymore. But alas this whole interrogation dragged out for weeks and weeks. Tears were spilled, people were cussed out, scholarships lost, more alcohol had, people quit. (I dropped 6 lbs, which I'm rather pleased about).

So the worst part of the entire situation was the day before we all got fired. The head of Student life shall I call him Mike Vice and the other dude in charge Tim Fellet. Came and rambled on and on about how disappointed they were in us so on and so forth. Now Mr. Fellet is delusional, he pretends to be a life coach but he tells us inappropriate things about his children like, how one failed out of freshman year of school so on and so forth. I also think its strange that a grown man and his family still live in housing  (like his whole family including his mama). He also thinks drinking alcohol is morally wrong therefore he's essentially living with his head up his ass working for a school like NYU. Please proceed to Brigham Young, where evangelical Christians can go to judge others. But alas like I already knew ole boy was strange so whatever..... (He also thought it was appropriate to tweet about the situation while it was happening.)

But let's get into Mike Vice. This pathetic bastard whom we had never talked to before in our lives came to scream at us about how when we decided to be RA's we made lifestyle choices (Um excuse me that was never in my contract) and how he was outraged and so forth. I'd just like to add for humors sake that the man looks like a giant penis.

Now listen very closely because here's is the rub on this mf which I've gotten from an extremely reliable source.... this same man Mr. Vice who questioned our morality as young adults has been carrying on illicit affairs for the past few years. First with a graduate student ( Um I'm pretty sure that's breaking his work contract) and currently with a woman who works in student life. He is married and he has been using NYU housing in order to get down. ***SIDE EYE**** I soo wish I had gotten this information when he was yelling at us because I would have laid his shit bare.  So please Mr. Vice, please feel free to question my moral integrity for NOT writing up my grown friends :) I take comfort in knowing just what a low down dirty dog you are, and I pity your wife who must be a complete idiot.

Anyway like I said, ten of us out of twelve who were present got fired over something so small and pathetic just like the people who hunted us down. But now you know the truth. Did we make a lapse in judgment SURE BEANS. Do I regret it? HELL NO. One of the best nights of my life at NYU and though I had to leave my babies behind with three weeks left in the school year. I got more sleep that I've had in years and I moved to a lovely quite dorm where both elevators worked. For those that have judged, questioned and speculated over the past month and a half or so please feel free to pick which part of my ass you'd like to kiss because I still got two years of NYU housing free <3.

So run and tell that xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

PS. I guess its true what they say when you go to a private school you give up all of your rights.

Why is marriage a goal?

I'm sure this will be real dope when/if the time comes :)

So I'm done with undergrad!!!!!!!!. I've been twiddling my thumbs waiting for graduation so I can begin the next epic puzzle to my life .  I now have a lot of time to think and hopefully now to blog.

One of my best friends called me today and we had like a two hour long covo, trying to catch each other up about whats been going on in our lives. She was telling me about a guy she had recently stopped dating and she was also telling me that she's not sure if she wants to continue on the career path that she's been setting up for herself.  I in epic fashion told her to do what she wants, to do what makes her happy because honestly, life is too short to make choices based on someone else expectations. But something else she said really bothered me. She told me that she was feeling some type of way because in her four years at college, she really hadn't found anyone epic and that in terms of marriage things are looking rather bleak.  Her parents meet in college and got married shortly thereafter. I know a few girls myself that are engaged, married or have been married for sometime. I think its wonderful if you find someone pretty early on in life that you can't imagine living without but why is marriage still the ultimate goal for young women in 2012? My girlfriends are beautiful, educated, lovely people and we have a real opportunity to carve out epic lives  for ourselves. There are so many places to see and so many things to do. Obviously being single isn't exactly super fun all of the time and companionship love and relationships are wonderful. But marriage? To be really real about it as of right now 60% of all women in the US will never get married.

Marriage super serious step to me nobody is tryna go out like Kim K and her pathetic 72 days. I would rather be with someone for years and years,  than jump over a broom because society told me that was the "proper" thing to do.  I think its beautiful to want to spend your life with someone else, but in your early twenties if you haven't found that yet then, you certainly shouldn't feel like you're missing out on something. I guess I'm a go with the flow type of gal. Marriage may be in my far future but if its not I'm certainly not gonna sweat it now. Instead, in the next few months I'm going to Disney World, moving to Harlem and going to graduate school.

I think instead of marriage, happiness should be a major goal and hopefully some lucky guy will fit into that picture whether your legally tied to him or not

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxox

R.I.P. Trayvon Martin

I haven't really had words to describe how I feel about the death of Trayvon Martin. I feel like all I can say has been said by others who are just as hurt and just as outraged as I am. Sometimes, when I feel like this country is making progress, I remember that my people, my brothers, fathers, cousins and friends could be taken from me at any moment because of someone's bigotry and hatred. Its a terrible day when you aren't surprised that this can happen and that you aren't surprised that no action has been taken toward the murderer who committed such a heinous crime. So much had to change in our society and sometimes, I think that in this lifetime we"ll never see any real change.

Rest In Peace Beautiful Boy

I Can't!!!!!!!!!! Episode 4

How could you sacrifice these for a fifthly dirty little boy?

Tragically last week I was on Saturday night 24 hour duty for my lovely dorm....*side eye*. But alas it comes with the free housing and meal plan. Anyways, it was about 1:15 in the morning and I was making my rounds. I get to one of the last floor when of course music was blasting down the hallway. Now this is usually over and done with really swiftly, but of course some of these imbeciles, being an extra special flavor of tea had to take forever to come to the door. I was immediately pissed because I was trying to watch The Preacher's Wife and eat my leftover salmon croquettes, mac and cheese greens and cornbread. So anywhoo this fool comes to the door and I barge in. He tries to be smart and have a little attitude  so I had to promptly READ him before evaluating the situation. I look around this foul little room and despite the fact that the lights are out I can see that the floor is COVERED in filth. There was crumbled up Styrofoam, empty beer bottles, the freaken works. Anyway I'm disgusted and I ask the boy is anyone else here, as I start making my way to the back room, the kid starts panicking and another kid (dressed in a full suit) pops out. So I'm talking to both of them about how foul the room is and that they should not be blasting music loud enough for the entire building to hear and I figure out that neither one of these fools lives in the building when I hear something move. Of course I barge past them and turn on the lights in the back room. I SWEAR TO YOU. Like seven scantly clad girls (wearing epic shoes I must say, I peeped some Jeffery Campbell's, Louboutins and Sam Edelmen and Brian Atwood's) stumbled out of the fifthly room. Shall I clock the ways of how terribly ridiculous this situation is? You're a grown ass woman (18-19years old) but still old enough to know better. And you would dare go to some nasty negro 's room(negro being a universal term for all little boys) and subject your perfect shoes let alone your body to lying on the a disgusting floor. Let's not even get into the stench of this place. Basically I can't. Come on ladies let's just have a morsel more respect for ourselves or at the very least our shoe-wear. You need to do better.  I really CAN'T.  Two more months and I'm done with this ridiculousness. xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxox

Rip the Runway 2012 :)

After the red carpet before the show

This past Wednesday, I was given the opportunity to be apart of something pretty epic. I'm interning in the PR department at BET and I was asked to work the Rip the Runway 2012 event. For those who don't know, Rip the Runway is an annual fashion/music collaboration. The network asks fashion designers to showcase their work with live musical performances on the stage. Because I work in PR, I was asked to help on the red carpet as an escort, which meant that I guided the talent and celebs down the carpet making sure that all of the photographers and reporters knew who they were. EPIC. I got the opportunity to meet Estelle (so lovely and nice), Robin Thicke (epic) and the creator the thefashionbomb.com Claire Summers (I die :)). I also got a chance to be very close to Pooch Hall, Selita EBanks, Diggy and Angela Simmons, b.o.b, and Wale who all seemed very nice as well. I was literally inches away from Lil' Kim but of course she had entourage up the ass. (She had a DOPE ass performance though. She did "Crush on You" and "All About the Benjamins"

I was literally right next to her on the carpet

Kim all day everyday:)

Side view of Pooch

Lol of course Robin performed during the thick girls line

Selita's shoes were everything !!! (Even though apparently I am a drag queen and am obsessed with sparkles)

SASS by Selita (Its swim wear)

I also had the "pleasure" of walking Emily B (from Love and Hip-Hop) down the carpet. Let's just say she was as basic and unfortunate as her ensemble #shadethrown. It will be quite a pleasure when that pathetic piece of television is canceled so she can stop feeling herself.  (I was told by my bestie that apparently she has a baby daddy who won't even acknowledge her, Smh I wonder why?....let's just stop there).

SMH

Anywhoo, being around this people was so strange it was like a twilight zone. Nearly everyone had at least a handful of entourage and it was just a very weird thing to see because obviously they're just human like the rest of us.  All these people were fawning over them telling them how epic they were, obviously this is one of the reasons why fame is very difficult to deal with. Most were cool though so I can't even complain. After our red carpet duties, the other PR guys and myself were allowed to watch the show. It was all around really fantastic and I enjoyed every minute of chaos. Rip the Runway will air March 21st at 10PM EST on BET xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox PS. This was an fantastic humpday, especially because the day before a RAT rolled over my foot as I was walking out of the train. Obviously I burst into tears, screamed and then proceeded to sweat profusely out of horror. PPS. Excuse the grainy pics, my blackberry is a shit show.

I Can't!!!!!!!!!!! Episode 3

???!!!!!!!! I have no words

Like many of you who were not watching the All Star Game, I was glued to the Oscars seeing if Octavia and Viola were gonna take home Oscars. Octavia won but Viola lost out to Meryl Streep. I couldn't even be mad because its Meryl and she's a goddess. Anywhoo, like may of you I was horribly jilted when Gabourey Sidibe popped on screen. (Picture shown above). I'm actually disgusted. It looks like she has a crusty mop on her head. WTF she could've at least had the decency to put on a damn hat so we didn't all have to wonder in horror what the hell is going on. Kid Fury tweeted that it looked like a matted pussy (excuse the language) and that it possibly smelled of mildew. As my bestie tweeted, this is just one of the reasons why she'll always be known as Precious.

xoxooxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox PS. I thought Viola did the damn thing wearing her natural hair :)

I CAN'T!!!!!!!!! Episode 2

I know I can be bougie, but I'mma need these people to do better, before I have to get them ALL the way together.

Smh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It shouldn't surprise me that I can't even go a few days without incompetent people screwing with my life. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really can't. So yesterday, I was at work minding my own business in my cubicle when I nearly had a heart attack. The day had been a fairly uneventful one. I listened in on a meeting, checked some emails, peered at the photo of Beyonce on Terrence Howard's lap that hangs over my desk, had a chicken sandwich, you know the norm. Anywhoo, something told me to check my tuition bill since I have a couple of grand due on it by March 1st.

This very picture !!!

Now let me give you some background, I am on a deferment plan with my bill. I've already paid exactly half of my tuition for the Spring semester and I owe the other half in installments. A portion is due March 1st and the final portion is due April 1st. Now when I signed in to view my bill these feeble minded buffoons say that I owe $30,000!!!!!!!!!!! Are you freakin kidding my, that's well over five times the amount that I am supposed to owe. After clutching my heart and breathing heavily for some time, I calmed myself down enough to really look at the bill closely. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE UNQUALIFIED BEASTS DID??!!!!. Instead of taking my scholarships and subtracting them from my bill, they ADDED THEM. Shall we reexamine? At the very basic level of their jobs, all these people have to do is know that when someone pays their bill or gets additional funding you SUBTRACT that amount from the total bill due. OBVIOUSLY that's too much to ask for, and they want me to act a plum fool especially considering the fact that I graduate in 3 months I really DON'T have time for this.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxo PS. I really wish my fro was a lot bigger for this whole ordeal.

I CAN'T!!!: Episode 1

I'mma Need You To Have All Types of Seats!

Basically because I'm surrounded by incompetence I had to start these mini episodes just talking about the foolery that enters my life. They shall henceforth be known as "I CAN'T".

Let's get into the first episode: So yesterday, I was working the front desk at my dorm and we were giving out cookies to whomever could answer a Black History Month trivia question. Mind you the question had been posted around the building and the answer had also been strategically placed on the bulletin board in the mail room for all to see. The question was as followed: What court case established "separate but equal" which was eventually overturned by the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education decision? Answer: Plessy v. Ferguson. Now, I was pleased that about half of the students did in fact know the answer. Others did not know, so instead of guessing they either asked me or went to look at the board. Not this one ignorant heifer though. Let me tell you about this broad SMHHHHHH!!!. This girl looked me dead in my eye and told me the answer was Roe v. Wade.  I really CAN'T!!!!!!! I actually REFUSE!!!! It took all I had not to reach across the counter and thump her in the head. I mean are you serious?? ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS??!!!!!. Not knowing Plessy v. Ferguson as a self involved privileged twit is one thing. But as a woman not knowing Roe v. Wade is actually UNACCEPTABLE. She then had the nerve to ask for a cookie I told her "NO!" and then  I proceeded her to stare at her until she walked away. Obviously its time for me to graduate because obviously these people weren't breast fed.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In The City  xoxoxoxox

PS. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!