Please Go Away: On Kanye, "Nice Guys" and Other Nauseating Fuck Boyz

I had no intention on writing about Kanye and his disastrous interview with The Breakfast Club, mostly because I've been done fucking with Kanye.  Since 2010 he's continued to show his ass. Also, there have been so many others who have called him out on his continuous coonery. Here’s one particular article that articulates how he continues to be strong and wrong.

Kanye’s Comments About Amber Rose Highlights How White Women Are “Always” Virtuous No Matter How Skeezy Their Past.

I really don’t know why he continuous to slut shame a woman he was once in love with; a woman who inspired My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (my personal favorite Kanye album before I lost all hope) while he puts his wife on a pedestal especially since they basically have the exact same job. Kim (because of her whiteness, privilege and plastic surgery) just gets paid more for it. I'm not going to even get into how foul and disgusting I find Kanye and his horrendous "30 showers" comment (or the fact that he condones statutory rape) because quite frankly I'd like him to go away. Perhaps we can lock him in a vault until he's capable of acting right...or perhaps until he's on a healthy dose of antipsychotics. (My friends and I also think that he may have Asperger’s which quite frankly makes all the sense.)

So as I said, I really had no intention of talking about the fool until I scrolled on IG while ignoring the Oscars and I came across this.

I was simultaneously enraged and amused. After sending my best friend a screen shot, I realized this is the black ass problem with self-proclaimed "nice guys" and fuckboyz all around. They really believe deep down that because they are average ass human beings who do the bare minimum to be productive members of society, not only are they supposed to win some prize but women are supposed to open their legs and hearts to them. HUH?!!!

Sir!! You have to be fucking kidding me!!! Having a job and degree are pretty basic. Hell I have two of each. And any grown person should be washing their ass on a regular bases and using deodorant! So I ask, what is so special about anything that has been listed here? I was horrified further by some of the comments that were left underneath this post. Foolish people (both men and women) cosigning on this nonsense. What baffled me was the fact that no one ever said, you look like a whiney bitch with very little self-esteem perhaps that’s why you don’t have a woman. Perhaps you haven't learned anything about tact, self-preservation and the proper use of social media.  Perhaps that’s why no girl will look at you. Maybe if you were really a prize your so-called "female friends" would have been tried to scoop you up. Perhaps (and I'm just speculating here), you're as dull as doorknob with little to no personality or hobbies. Maybe your body doesn’t "stink" but your breath does. Perhaps it’s the fact that your idea of taking a woman out is a basic ass dinner/movie date (SNORE). Or moreover, maybe it’s your disgusting entitlement that makes you think you should be rewarded for being an average ass human being.

I know one thing, as a woman if I had posted some bullshit like that about how I fill out a sweater and I have a degree and can cook a meal or two then I would have been called a basic, desperate bottom bitch, and I would have been laid to rest across social media. So why is this acceptable for men?!!

My best friend said it eloquently, "How did we get to the point where a Black man thinks that he’s doing something [extraordinary] because he's not in jail, or having children, etc.?"  I for one don’t know where we went wrong but I do know I'm not going to sit here and throw men a parade for doing the absolute bare minimum. And another thing, how dare y’all continue to act like women who don’t want ya'll asses are superficial moneywhores or whatever else chauvinistic term y’all want to throw at us today.

Listen, the common denominator here is you. If women aren't responding to whatever it is that you’re selling, its time to fix, tweak or upgrade your product.

This whining though has got to stop! Be different, have something to talk about, take her somewhere other than the nearest AMC and TGI Fridays. Here's a novel ass idea...Pick up the damn phone instead of texting.

Maybe these suggestions will help some of ya'll or maybe they won’t. Perhaps some of you will come for me and say that I'm a bitch and I'm bougie or whatever the fuck. Either way, it’s not me that has the issues with finding a woman(or man). All I ask is that if you're going to continue to be a bitch baby and go on and on about how women a’int shit and you're some diamond in the rough that no one has yet to discover at least go away and leave that off social media.

We already gotta be subjected to the Kanye's, Stevie J’s and Floyd Mayweather’s of the world.

#SMH

Are You A Fuckboy?

Chocolate Girl in the City.

PS. If you've never listened the The Read then you’ve been sleep. This episode “Say No to F**k Boys” was named one of the top 25 podcasts of all time. (Start at 54 mins in)

“You're Fine, But You're Simple" (On Dating the Dull & Uninformed)

During this current season of The Mindy Project in the episode entitled “Sk8ter Man” Mindy begins dating a skater in an effort to prove that she’s not a judgmental person.  Now, don’t get me wrong the man is fine. Sadly he is also an utter buffoon. At one point in the episode, Mindy shrieks. “My body is attracted to you body but when you speak my brain gets angry.” I nearly died laughing. But in all seriousness it got me to thinking about how we choose relationships and companions. I thought about how draining these relationships can be if we solely base our interests off of the physical attributes of the other person. I’ve been on a few dull dates with a delicious looking gentleman who only wanted to discuss himself. He droned on and on about something that could have been explained in three minutes. My interest in the man quickly waned, and visuals of his biceps couldn’t incite me aback on a date with him. I soon began declining his invitations out.  

But what if you don’t decline? Can you be so in lust with someone’s outer appearance that you can carry on with a romantic relationship with them despite the disparities in intellectual interests and conversation?  I’m not saying that you have to discuss the merits of Fouquet and all that (quite frankly I still don’t get it), but you should be able to have stimulating conversations that range from debates on the best pizza in the city, to museum experiences, articles and so forth.

I was further reminded of this point a few weeks back. As I glanced about being nosey, I observed a couple. A woman scolded what I assume was her boyfriend from 125th street to Columbus Circle (59^th street) like he was a child. The train was extremely crowded like it always is during rush hour, and instead of holding on to a pole this man (who was well over six feet tall) thought it was appropriate to lean against this much smaller woman. Every time the train stalled he stumbled, nearly knocking her over which in turn knocked everyone else surrounding them off kilter. He whined every time she told him to hold on (he was 30 years old at least!!). I along with everyone else on the train was flabbergasted. If you’ve gotten to the point in your relationship where you have to treat your significant other like a five-year old, I think its best that you let go and find yourself an adult.

I thought about the train couple as I went thru the rest of my day.  I shuttered to think about the type of conversations that they had on a regular basis. Why was she forcing herself to deal wit this type of situation? It has to be exhausting. Not only can you not have an intellectual conversation, you also have to play someone’s parental figure. I acknowledge the fact that we are society plagued by superficial outer appearances, but at what cost? Being with someone who is fine but simple won’t do you any favors in the long run. 

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox

I QUIT

How I Felt On Friday Leaving for the LAST Time

http://elitedaily.com/money/the-5-signs-you-dont-belong-in-your-job/

I'd like to assume that I'm a fairly intelligent woman. As I've stated previously, school has always come fairly easily to me. Going with my instincts however, has proven to be a much more precarious task. Perhaps if I'd followed my gut initially, I would have never found myself in such a pickle. But alas, everything happens for a reason.... or at least that's what they tell me.

In early January, I found myself sitting in the longest interview of my life discussing a position that made drying paint look enthralling. As I nodded and told the woman in HR that I'd be interested in the position I realized I was lying to myself and to her. I talked it over with my family and my friends and I pacified my anxieties over the position by saying things like, “You're bills will be covered” (barely) and “It’s a means to an end, a stepping stone if you will.” Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was selling myself short, that in the end I would be wildly unhappy with the position. But because I am an adult (or something like an adult), I decided to do the grown up thing and accept the position a month before getting my Master's degree.

If you read my post Working 9 to 5 Just to Stay Alive ,then you know how I felt about this job. There is NOTHING more draining than sitting at a desk all day transferring phone calls for 9 hours. (Yes I said nine hours; this is not a typical "work" day people you're either on a shift from 8-6 or from 10-8 with an hr for lunch). It’s especially difficult for someone who is use to being creative, working on projects or having multiple things to do at once. It has been one of the most draining experiences of my life.

I suppose I've always been rather naïve about the entertainment industry. I’ve dabbled of course but this was my first true experience. It will not be happy memory.  There is very little that grinds my gears more, than people far less competent than I treating me like I'm stupid. Understand that I CANNOT and I WON'T. I have a very low tolerance for these "types" of people and by day three at my former place of employment I had reached my threshold.

Just like a man (or woman (whatever floats your boat)  that you're getting to know, you can pretty much spot any initial red flags pretty early on and it becomes up to you whether or not you would like to proceed. 

Red Flag # 1: I was told on day one that, while at the company anything that you write/ create become the company's property. GIRL BYE. Not this girl's material.

Red Flag # 2: 95% of the Black males in the company are in the mail room. I really can't explain to you the level of irritation that I felt.  These are highly intelligent and highly educated guys. WTF?!

Red Flag # 3: Being treated like a fetch girl. Ain't nobody Patsey in here! Hang up your own coat. Clean the F up after yourself! And no I'm not a garbage disposal do not HAND me your trash unless I offer to take it.

Red Flag # 4 : The place reeks of white privilege and micro aggression and quite frankly I just don't have time.

Red Flag #4.5: We got the newsletter about Black History Month February 21^st  

FEBRUARY FU*KIN 21ST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They didn't even PRETEND to care! Why even put one out at all ?!!

Red Flag #5: A certain piece of Canadian trash decided to place the office phone number on his twitter contact info. Therefore we were perpetually fielding class from tweens who wanted to speak to said douche bag. (Really no one deserves such a fate.)

The Saturday after my second week of employment, I was standing in a Starbucks waiting for my friend to meet me for a movie. As I stood there, I just kept thinking how miserable I had been all week. How I'd reverted back to my awful habit of eating my feelings and not to mention my attitude was quickly teetering on the line of Angry Black Woman.  As I stood there sipping my non-fat dirty chai I asked myself  WHY?  Why are you doing something that you absolutely DESPISE for 50 hours a week? I hate to say it but I am. I'm better then this. This deserves none of my attention, my anger or my thoughts.  I wouldn't put up with just any man, why and the hell would I put up with just any ole job?!

I've made mistakes in my twenty- three years of life, but to be honest I've pretty much done things by the book. Now is the time for adventure, for discovery and for exploration. This is not the time to bury my misery in chocolate ice cream and Chipotle burritos. When I talked to people about my job many were like, "Oh, is it really that bad?" Well the position is constantly available so why don't you apply and find out?"  I would give anything to take away that unpleasant memory of crying to my baby sister the day I got my Masters...for what?! Over a job?! A job that after taxes barely paid over minimum wage.

I realize that this probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done in light of the financial climate and maybe even career wise but that’s the point of being young right? You can start over.

If this miraculous plan of mine doesn't work out (more details to come)  well.... "Kanye Shrug". At least I'm no longer in hell.  

xoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

PS: My Current Situation 

Warmth, Happiness & 80 Degrees

 

Reading Old Broads for Filth (Or A Day In the Life of This Chocolate Girl)

So yesterday was probably one of the hardest days I've had in a while. (It ended up fine :)). I'm usually a rather optimistic person but due to some psychotic old hags who refuse to stay in their lane and away from me and mine, it was quite trying for several hours. Here's what Occurred:

So grad school isn't really difficult for me, but the amount of work is a trashy bastard. I'm exhausted all the time and it just seems to take me a minute to get focused. Anyway, Tuesday night I stayed up really late putting together a two hour presentation that I had to deliver the next day. When I arrived to work yesterday morning I realized that I had neglected to email it to myself. I let a tear drop, pulled myself together and informed my boss that I needed to run home (I only live 20 mins away thank GOD) to retrieve my assignment.

On my way back to work/campus, my cousin texted me asking me when was the last time I had talked to my father. I informed her I had spoken to him Sunday afternoon, and then I put my phone away nothing thinking much of it. I headed back to my desk and a few minutes later my cousin calls me.

I answered the phone and she informed by that my sister was also on the line. Obviously, this sent me into a full blown panic. In the last two years I've had more horrific and devastating news delivered to me via phone than any person should have in a lifetime.

(I'll take this point to give some quick background. My mama worked with this lady for years and years. We shall call her  Willamina. Now Willamina stays in somebody else's business, but she and my mom were cool for years. To be honest I really don't know why because when my mama got pregnant with me Willamina refused to speak to her because she loves to be the center of attention. As I grown up I realize she is juse generally a complete fool. Anywhoo toward the end of my Mama's life I guess my mom finally decided she didn't have time for it anymore and I really heaven't heard from the woman but maybe once since my mom passed two years ago. Now there's a second woman, we'll call her Betsey, she was my Mama's best friend in high school and college. I never had any issues with her until she told my sister the day after my Mama died that her behavior wasn't any type of way to remember my Mama....Needless to say she's been excommunicated as well. Mind you if I saw or spoke to either of these women I would never be disrespectful, but as I've stated I've barely seen or heard from either, nor do I have any desire to).

Now let's get back into the story, my cousin get quiet on the phone and she says I want ya'll to hear this from me. She says that Willamina had seen one of my Daddy's neighbors over the weekend and supposedly the neighbor told her that my Daddy had passed away over the weekend. Instead of coming straight to the source (ie: my sister or myself), Willamina decides to be an extra special flavor of tea an sends an EMAIL to Betsey (who lives across the country) asking her what she knew. Betsey then, thought it would be cute to call my auntie who lives in Florida who then calls my other aunties who then call my cousin who tries to call my father and when he doesn't answer calls my sister and myself. (Do you see how ish spirals out of control??!!)

Sister and I are both panicking and about 10 people start frantically trying to reach my father . After 20 minutes of my world stopping, my sister texts and says that she's spoken to him. My Daddy calls me shortly thereafter. The poor man was obliviously befuddled because he was in the middle of teaching when his phone went off about twenty thousand times. (His IPhone has the most annoying ring of life and I doubt he knows how to put it on silent) Obviously someone had explained the situation to him because when I pick up my phone he states laughing, "I'm not dead yet". (Sigh, Bless his heart)

Of course this is the day that I just so happen to have a doctor's appointment after work and my two hour presentation :/ I get to the doctor's office and of course I'm emotionally exhausted (it's only 5pm) so I burst into tears when my doctor asks me if I smoke cigarettes. SMH

After my appointment I slink out of the doctor's office dragging my dignity behind me and head to the gym for a quick and pungent 2.5 mile run. Obviously because I am who I am, I slip on the treadmill as I'm warming up. But whateves I still got my cardio in.

As I stumble down Lenox Ave headed home, I'm pondering a hot bath and a smooth glass of wine to drown in the foolery of my life. But alas, Life is a funny funny thing. I look up to see a grown ass man in a purple velour capri pant onesie and I scream with laughter all the way home.

Moral of the story: Please stay in your lane and mind your business. You never know how stirring up some ish for your personal entertainment will effect others.  I learn everyday that life ain't know crystal stair but it surely has a sense of humor.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xxoxoxoxox Almost Friday :)